To be grumpy that my friend got the job?

[Champagnesupamother]

After struggling at my current job for about three years (think toxic ‘we’re a family’, lots of pressure to go above and beyond your contractual employed hours for no reward but everyone does it so it’s expected.. low paid etc).

I finally decided enough was enough and I was super lucky to get an interview at another company that is a small start up, ethical and which had less hours. It would have been a 10k pay rise which meant a significant change to my circumstances. I was really excited and keeping all my toes crossed.
I told my best friend who I share pretty much everything with… and then she also applied too.

She ended up interviewing before me. Her interview ran 15 minutes over and though mine was an hour slot too, they wrapped things up at 45 mins to see the next candidate. Though my feedback was really positive and they will offer me a role, it just won’t be until possibly next year.

Instead my friend was successful. They just said right now she was a better fit, was more qualified. Which doesn’t make sense because I know that she isn’t. Her job is effectively collecting payments and receipts. while it is linked to my role, it isn’t the same as
her job and they will need to spent time training her. My current job and the new job would have been near identical roles. Meaning I could have hit the ground running.

Everyone was singing her praises because it seemed like much of what she said was all about how great I (as in me..) am at the job, and how much I (as in me) needed the job…

I feel really envious and almost like I’ve had the rug swept out from underneath of me and a really good opportunity taken from me. Though I know next year a job may be available, I don’t know if I would now accept it as effectively my friend would be senior to me and managing me.

Am I being unreasonable to be upset?
How do I handle the friendship from here as I feel so green faced. Is this even the real friendship that I thought it was?

Hmm. I was going to say that anyone is free to apply for a job and that it isn't your place to say who is a better fit for the role, but I do think it's a bit crap if she only knew about it because you mentioned it. What's worse, though, in my view, is the weird raving about you in her own interview, and the comments about how much you needed the job. That's totally out of line imo and very undermining of your application. I would be furious about that and would have to say something to her. She will no doubt dress it up as her trying to help, but if she was a good friend, she would have enough faith in your ability to get the job without her help. And if she really wanted to help, she wouldn't have applied in the first place.

Who knows what she actually said about why you needed the job, and what impression of you that created?!

I would be having words, and depending on her response, I would be thinking quite carefully about whether this was a friendship that I actually wanted to maintain.

This.

Its hurtful but dwelling on it will cut off your nose to spite your face. Keep moving towards what you want and whatever else happens happens.

Oh OP I'm sorry. That was a horrible thing for her to do. Definitely not your friend.

Is there no way you can back out, cancel, get rona, SOMETHING to mean you don't have to do this weekend with her.

I was going to say grin and bear it thinking there would be others with you as buffers, but realistically if it's just you two it will be agonising! I honestly would find a way to not go.

No, I couldn't get over that. I'd never darken her door again.

If you’re going away with a group, I would make it known she only found out about the job as you’d applied for it then applied herself despite knowing you really wanted it. Then from feedback from the recruitment consultant, it appears she painted you as needy and desperate.

She is no friend.

You will find a better job op.

You seem to be focused on the fact that they consider her a better fit for the job. The main issue is that she's a snake to even apply in the first place!

Ridiculous.

It's not a weakness to say that you'd be upset by a friend pitting herself against you.

Bin her off

Can you cancel the weekend or would you lose all your money?
I think I’d just be honest and say I was finding it a bit difficult to deal with the job situation and just need a bit of time to clear my head. I’m not a good enough actor to put a cheery face on it, I’m spend the entire weekend being quite curt with her.

Exactly. You brought the opportunity to her attention! She sounds horrible

As in I’d cancel and say…

Cancel and rebook.

I’ve thought about cancelling and explaining I need the weekend to job search but think that’s too petty to do.

That's not right. I would back away from the friend for definite. And surely the recruitment consultant and her have no business to be discussing you?

Op it is awful when you are so close to getting a job that you know that you would be good at. But there will be other opportunities for you.

It’s completely human to be upset.

For whatever reason they thought she was a better fit, that can be about culture as much as experience, and it can simply be the person she’d be working with felt a connection with her. Remember that even if your friend didn’t get the job, someone else might have.

It doesn’t mean you aren’t great (which is what I think you are taking from this) - it just means that in their subjective opinions, she fitted better.

If you don’t let go, the only person you are hurting is you. So get on with applying for other jobs. Life is long, this won’t be a big deal in a year unless you let it be.

Enjoy the weekend as best you can, it will sting at times but might be a short cut to getting over this.

This

Even if you hadn't told her, she may have heard about it another way and got the job. Get over your sense of entitlement and either stay friends with her or ditch. She may be able, in the future to alert you to another job there, so think carefully.

This too

I don’t think it’s petty at all - it’s a perfectly normal reaction to not want to spend an entire weekend with this person while you’re still smarting from it all. You don’t need to give her any explanation or justify yourself - just as she didn’t when she went for the job. Be true to yourself, no need to people please.

I think she's behaved appallingly and I'd pull out of the weekend.

And tell her exactly why.

this is horrible.
whats worse I think is her talking about you in her interview. Telling them that you needed the job - maybe that looked bad on you and made it look as if you were just desperate to leave a family business (which sometimes implies you were not qualified to hold that role in the first time) rather than keen to work for them. It also suggests that you bale rather that deal with problems, which Im sure is not the case.
I really dont understand what she was doing talking about you in her interview anyway. Why spend time allegedly bigging you up, if she wanted the role. I suspect sabotage

OP that's exactly what I would do to get the message home. However if you feel you would miss out then think very carefully....I agree with many others, not a friend at all x

A proper friend wouldn’t be so snakey. I’d suddenly be ill for the weekend and come away from this “friendship”. If you do go though trust her with nothing you say.

It’s not petty at all to cancel. She has treated you appallingly and you are worried about how it sounds to her.
Please put on your big girl pants and tell her your not going and the reasons why. You will feel better about yourself and she will realise that she has lost an amazing friend. 💐💐