Tired of being scared of men

[NotLactoseFree]

I'm not really being unreasonable, I know. But it's so frustrating.

From our local shopping centre, to return to the car park there is a pedestrian crossing that runs over the vehicular entrance to the car park. Lots of signs reminding cars to stop for the pedestrian crossing etc. I was half way across on my way back to my car today when two young men pulled into the car park and clearly felt they had right of way. They then aggressively pretended to drive into me while shouting that I should look where I'm going etc. Obviously they were just OBLIVIOUS to the pedestrian crossing. I wasn't in the mood so shouted back that it's a pedestrian crossing and if they can't see that they shouldn't be driving. They were aggressive, unpleasant etc and after I'd crossed, roared past swearing at me.

Fine. Annoying, but fine.

Then I suddenly had a complete moment of panic as I realised that if they wanted to, they could very easily just drive round and continue to harass me from inside the car park etc and of course, there's never a lot of people around. So I dashed to my car prepared to hide behind other cars if they chose to come in my direction rather than heading up the ramp to the next level.

I was in the right. They didn't see a pedestrian crossing, tried to scare me, then shouted at me - all before I did a thing. But I was the one who was suddenly terrified. it makes me so angry.

I was referring to historic sexual abuse/assault. The police have said no matter how long ago it happened people would be taken seriously and be believed. This was in the wake of the grooming scandal when the investigation found that the girls were not believed and just dismissed as lying troublemakers when they tried to report what had happened to them .

I don't know OP. I think to some extent you are being unreasonable.

Of course it is true that, for example, in a situation like that someone could be a crazy dick and drive around and harass you or worse. Or when you are out for a bike ride and some random person could attack you.

In most places, those things are not likely.

There are all kinds of things in daily life we can't control and which represent risks. And it's very likely that there are other things you do that are more likely than being attacked by a stranger out walking. It's normal for our feelings about risk to be far off what is actually risky in our lives.

In my experience, usually the best way to try and manage feelings like this is to think about what is actually risky, and what risks you are willing to take, and act according to that decision. I decided quite some time ago, when I lived in a dodgy area, that I was unwilling to stay home in the evening - the real risk was not worth the trade off of being stuck at home after dark.

If that seems too scary, start small. The more you do it, the less scary it gets. It does involve becoming comfortable with the fact that there really are some things we can't control absolutely , and trying to do so would mean living a terribly limited life, but overall I think that's something people need to come to terms with to live a healthy life anyway.