Tired of being scared of men

[NotLactoseFree]

I'm not really being unreasonable, I know. But it's so frustrating.

From our local shopping centre, to return to the car park there is a pedestrian crossing that runs over the vehicular entrance to the car park. Lots of signs reminding cars to stop for the pedestrian crossing etc. I was half way across on my way back to my car today when two young men pulled into the car park and clearly felt they had right of way. They then aggressively pretended to drive into me while shouting that I should look where I'm going etc. Obviously they were just OBLIVIOUS to the pedestrian crossing. I wasn't in the mood so shouted back that it's a pedestrian crossing and if they can't see that they shouldn't be driving. They were aggressive, unpleasant etc and after I'd crossed, roared past swearing at me.

Fine. Annoying, but fine.

Then I suddenly had a complete moment of panic as I realised that if they wanted to, they could very easily just drive round and continue to harass me from inside the car park etc and of course, there's never a lot of people around. So I dashed to my car prepared to hide behind other cars if they chose to come in my direction rather than heading up the ramp to the next level.

I was in the right. They didn't see a pedestrian crossing, tried to scare me, then shouted at me - all before I did a thing. But I was the one who was suddenly terrified. it makes me so angry.

I don't think it''s media manipulation really. More a mass "panic" situation.

Do you remember in news the flight from hell,?
The plane had like third seriously ill passengers suddenly, and they had to call it in before landing. It turned out only few actually had cold/,flu, but someone got sick while in the air and the third or so became absolutely convinced there is something in the plane's air so much so they showed violent symptoms from coughing to vomiting.

I think this is in princip similar.
There are women and men who were raped, there are rapists, but there are aso people who convinced themselves about being in bigger risk ALL the time than they are, if that makes sense? Like the people on plane became convinced they are at risk. Someone was ill, but it didn't get everyone.

Also, everyone has different levels of tolerance. It was very interesting to chat with couple of women from different countries about what they consider unacceptable and what they just bat off.

I dealt with strangers being inappropriate relatively easily. Very assertive. I am not scared of strangers. It's all about power for them, not even the sex.I don't know maybe the CE/EE accent somehow makes the "back the fuck off" sound more serious.

Was I this successful with some bit odd mates of my boyfriends? No. Did I realise about mid twenties it was just not to make fuss and not to ruin friendships? Yes. Did I start to make fuss and ruin friendships? Fuck yes. Why should they enjoy boob grab and I should keep quiet so the friendship doesn't get into trouble.

I think the problem here is that everyone experiences these things differently based on their own personality and culture so there will always be difference in opinions.

Yes, if only my colleague had mastered your icy regalness. I am sure her attacker would have been intimidated and gone away. Same with Sarah Everard. Same with every other woman whose attacked. They just needed to be more like you. Who knew! ,That all women have need down the ages to save themselves was an icy stare!

Rape alarm manufacturers or something must have conspired to stop women gaining this key knowledge that you, through some innate superiority, have learnt anyway.

So glad you shared!

There are situations when icy response does make them go away, there are situations when not.

The thing is i, if you look at your two examples. One was employee, one was policeman. These are totally different to random on a street or in a bar who will most likely fuck off when told to do so. It's well studied women do have bigger problem to defend themselves from people who they know. It's all the "don't cause a scene" embeded into many by parents/friends/schools etc on override. And policeman is yet another level.

So neither pf you two is wrong essentially

Then you are naïve.

@Bubblebubblebah

i was replying to another poster who is claiming she has never been frightened by men, or been attacked, due to her icy stare and regal manner. Unlike other women who, she is effectively saying, bring it on themselves by scurrying about victim like.

This is offensive victim blaming shite. A man who is going to attack a woman is not put off by an icy stare and it is naive and offensive to say he is. I also have another example of a friend, solid, confident woman, and trousers and miners jacket, attacked by a man who tried to sexually assault her at night as she walked home. There is nothing victim like about this woman.

We’ve all got experience of dealing with arsey men. None of us have ever been spared from attack thanks to our icy stare.

I've always wondered why I've had comparatively very little sexual harassment in my life (compared to what i read on here), and I wondered if it had something to do with some kind of 'icy stare'/resting bitch face!

@Notthereagain You are extremely rude.
I did empathise about your colleague & you attack me. Bitch.

Gosh. Didn't take much to make your mask slip.

We've already lost one member this morning because posters ganged up on her. You were incredibly rude to me & about me. You could have scrolled past, but you chose not to, you positively mocked me.
Have a good day.

Juicelooseabootthehoose · 16/09/2022 11:08
Unfortunately, I believe that a lot of men WOULD treat men the same way. I have seem first hand men in vehicles do the exact same thing you have described to other men. I don't think their aggressive and twatish behaviour is reserved to only women. They are aggressive twats to everyone.“

this.

Yes I did mock the idea that an icy regal stare can intimidate sex attackers. It’s an offensive idea and particularly so in response to an account of a real woman being raped. In fact it’s a disgusting response.

it’s an idea that deserves to be mocked. I completely stand by it deserving mockery.

And doing that is a lot less offensive than throwing around misogynistic slurs like ‘bItch
True colors indeed!

Jesus. Have a word with yourself.

@BogRollBOGOF

Male-male violence is a problem, but if a man swerves gangs/ drugs/ rowdy, drunken crowds, the chances of a stranger assault dwindles massively. I doubt many men assess the appearence/ purpose of most men they pass when out for a walk/ jog in the way that women often do.

So, if a man avoids enjoying nightlife / socialising ("rowdy drunken crowds") his entire life, he will be safe?

Good Lord, imagine someone suggested women should avoid similar / anything in order to be safe?

No one should have to curtail their choices in order to be safe, rather we can try to be a bit streetwise in order to be safe.

For example, rather than avoiding crowds, its better to judge is the crowd good natured / jolly, or is there a nasty tone in the air? (compare new years eve celebrations, to the atmosphere after a football match which has gone badly).

Or, are people mostly celebratory / enjoying themselves, or is anyone a bit lairy / troublesome? etc.

And I think its very naive to think that men are not constantly assessing other men in terms of their potential to be a threat.

For the love of god

@newsaint
Good Lord, imagine someone suggested women should avoid similar / anything in order to be safe?

Where have you been?
Women and girls are always told to avoid places, times, clothes…
And women also are supposed to know who are the abusive men and who are not, before hand.
And then blamed if something does happen.

Ignorance!

Until it happens to you you will never understand. I know most men are decent but my guard will always be up .

I've been physically harmed once in my lifetime, and that was perpetrated by... a fellow woman!

This.

I'm tired of other women belittling me for my concerns for my safety.

I'm male and would have done exactly the same as you, although I'd have seen it more like making sure I avoided an obstacle, like a dog turd.

I'm not conscious of feeling nervous in situations like that, although I have been attacked a number of times in the past.

And I think its very naive to think that men are not constantly assessing other men in terms of their potential to be a threat.

This.

Anyone suffering because you didn't report remember this you can go into any Police Station in this land and report what's happened to you and you will be believed Take comfort and power from that . You have the power and I bet there are a lot of people shitting themselves waiting for that knock on the door.

I hear you OP. It's depressing

JellySaurus "Think about your own experiences (if you are a woman) and your female friends' experiences".

I do. You could find some of my experiences tucked away in the research and links because I've been on the receiving end of DV myself and still bear the physical scars decades later. Spent a month in hospital, nearly died at 19.

But I don't live in fear of men, I'm a woman, and have never feared men simply because they are men and never will.

Sadly women know that this is not the case.

BoviTraci - remember this you can go into any Police Station in this land and report what's happened to you and you will be believed Take comfort and power from that .

Even if this were true it is wrong - it just feeds into this anti-male/poor vulnerable little woman narrative that sets female equality back several decades.

So any woman with a partner can turn up at a police station citing DV and will be believed and the 'bloke'/partner arrested and/or ejected from his/her home before any investigation? And with Equality Rights a Man could turn up at a Police Station and be equally believed too?

I really hope this is Bullshit because there's a knife crime epidemic that needs policing and most real DV victims would try and escape before they went to the police station. Notwithstanding making a 999 call would be the first option if it was really kicking off and you had dc to protect.