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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD off to uni tomorrow.

181 replies

Crosswithlifeatm · 15/09/2022 23:23

I gave her a hug goodnight and am now a soggy,weepy mess.
I will no doubt be worse tomorrow if the overloaded car makes it.
AIBU or are other mums like this?
I have brought her up to be a strong, independent young woman so I've only myself to blame but this is it, she's outgrown home.
How long does it take to reinvent a life as a single woman?

OP posts:
Chakraleaf · 15/09/2022 23:24

Totally understand. My son goes next week. Xx

Juniper74 · 15/09/2022 23:34

Same here. I’m so proud of her and excited for her but also feel so very sad.
I can’t get my head around how fast 18 years have gone and will miss her so much.
I have an older Daughter too and I have got more used to her not being here as time as gone on.
It took a while but it does get easier with time You find a new rhythm and look forward to hearing all their news and having them home again in the holidays.
It’s hard though. They are such a big part of your every day for 18years and the sudden shift feels very emotional.

wizzler · 15/09/2022 23:35

Ds goes on Sunday. Will miss him so much. So proud of him but dreading the drive home without him

WeAreAllLionesses · 15/09/2022 23:49

DS2 goes tomorrow for the first time. I will cry loads but then I always cry when DS1 goes back too so they're used to it 😂

He is SO excited to be going somewhere new and meeting new friends (and he thinks his course looks really interesting) - all positive!

Thekormachameleon · 15/09/2022 23:51

My son goes on Sunday. We've packed tonight and I had to go and 'have a bath' - read cry in the bathroom silently for an hour

It's just me and him and we really are the best of friends so it's going to so hard without him

Original poster
Crosswithlifeatm · 15/09/2022 23:57

The drive home will be tricky.We have to shop before I leave her for food and pillows,absolutely no car space!
I must try to sleep and give my puffy eyes a rest.
Where did those years go?!
Good luck to everyone else this weekend.

OP posts:
Bebobebo · 16/09/2022 07:15

Awww. When I dropped our first daughter off at uni, only an hour and a half from home, I cried all the way home. I couldn't even speak to anyone. I then went shopping and bought lots of kitchen stuff (to replace the old stuff we'd given her) and it still makes me sad when I look at some of the replacement pots and pans four years later!
My second daughter has deferred her uni place to 2023 and I already feel weepy thinking about it.
As always, what gives me pause for thought is how I skipped off to Uni without a backwards glance. Didn't even occur to me to think how my parents... or siblings... might be feeling!

Shinyandnew1 · 16/09/2022 07:24

As always, what gives me pause for thought is how I skipped off to Uni without a backwards glance. Didn't even occur to me to think how my parents... or siblings... might be feeling!

This x 100!! I’m (inwardly!) in bits about DC going but it never occurred to me that my parents would have been sad!

Londonnight · 16/09/2022 07:43

Mine goes tomorrow. He was working until 5 am this morning so won't be up for a while. He hasn't done any packing yet, so going to be busy once he eventually emerges :)
I am dreading the drop off tomorrow and I am sure there will be tears [ mine ], but he'll go off without a backward glance.

Good luck today OP.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 16/09/2022 07:51

DD goes on Sunday. I am unbearably sad and am going to really struggle. She is my best mate. We spend so much time together. I feel like my right arm is about to be chopped off. And that’s bearing in mind that she’s going to a local university, so I will be able to see her regularly (she’s a home body and a mummy’s girl).
I will have my boys at home but it’s that deep female companionship I will miss.💙

MrsDThomas · 16/09/2022 08:42

My DD goes tomorrow. But I’m ok as she left home at 16. My tears flowed then! Haven’t seen her for over 2 weeks as she’s staying with friends.

My car is packed, going to a hotel this afternoon. Wont see her tonight as shes off out with friends! I know she’ll be fine. Stuck through covid living nearly 200 miles away. Super proud of her!

ill see her next month and again in November then she’ll be home for Christmas.

good luck to your kids and you!

Stomacharmeleon · 16/09/2022 09:14

My youngest son goes Sunday. I unfortunately had a massive operation a month ago and am still suffering the after effects (was a bowel operation and have E. coli) As a result I can't go with him and can't help pack. Have been issuing edicts by phone.
Am trying to remain upbeat for his sake but feel like the worst parent in the world.

Original poster
Crosswithlifeatm · 16/09/2022 09:56

Well,I just got a rare cup of tea in bed.
This is my only child and we've been on our own for 7 years.
She's not been around much this summer and that's been ok but this is final.
I too have to replace pots,pans,towels etc that she's taken and the fridge is almost empty!
I'm savouring the sounds this morning,her music,eating serials,talking to the cats and soon the very long shower.
She was wobbling too but has been on social media to see pictures of cars more stuffed than ours and to find that lots of people are as anxious as she is.
I'm here to share with other mums going through this.
It's going to be so quiet!

OP posts:
Original poster
Crosswithlifeatm · 16/09/2022 10:00

Bugger,I'm crying again!

OP posts:
piegone · 16/09/2022 10:17

Be proud of the daughter you raised OP. You did good. I hope it's not too hard for you, grab some extra treats for yourself in the shop Flowers

Cheesechops · 16/09/2022 10:51

Mine goes tomorrow and I’m dreading it. Both of us have been extremely snappy and tearful this week. We’ve been on our own for 17 years so this is going to be a huge change for us both but on the other hand we live in a tiny little town and I’m so excited for her to get out there and see what else is on offer.

RewildingAmbridge · 16/09/2022 10:53

Don't worry with the price of housing these days, they'll be back!
I graduated at 22, moved back in until I was 25 by that time there were ready to get rid of me 😁

MissAmbrosia · 16/09/2022 11:01

I dropped mine on Monday. Her boyfriend (who lives nearby) was on his way over, and she looked so happy when I left I felt quite put out and cried all the way home. She's been away working on holiday camps over the summer so I am already used to her not being here but still feel a bit sad. She was looking forward to all the campus opportunities though so I do feel excited for her at the same time.

Onlyhuman123 · 16/09/2022 11:07

Awww. I had similar 2 years ago when DS started Uni...only 2 hours away and we dropped him off and both me and DH bawled our eyes out all the way home and then intermittently cried for the rest of the day. 2 close friends came round to console me, bringing chocolate and flowers!

Every time he came home for a break or holiday, I cried when he left. He's home now on placement year so goes back to Uni next Sept...same time as DD starts her 1st year at Uni so both will be gone and the house will be unbearably quiet. I know I'll cry badly next year so I am making the most of the next 11 months and spending as much time with them both/separately as possible.

It's the realisation that this is the start of them leaving home permanently. It's hard but know that there are so many others feelings what you're feeling so be comforted that you aren't alone in how you feel. Plus feel absolutely super proud in having a beautiful, caring DD who I'm sure will miss you as much as you miss her (in the early days anyway!). Hugs.

crimsonlake · 16/09/2022 11:12

I feel for you all, but it is not 'final' as they really are home quite a lot what with all the holidays. I found the real ' final' was when they left uni and took up jobs, from then time at home becomes really limited.
As a single parent both my son's went to uni the same year, a week apart. I still remember it as if it was yesterday...Driving off leaving son 1 waving good bye to me outside his halls and me crying all the way home on a four hour drive.
Driving off from son 2 waving at me from the window of his halls and crying all the way home again.
The going home to a quiet house where I started leaving their bedroom doors open even though they always kept them closed.
I think a home is not a home without people in it, but you get used to it and life moves on. Give yourselves time to adjust and look forward to their homecomings, sadly that also means more tears when they leave again.

PassMeThePineapple · 16/09/2022 11:12

Dd will be going soon too. I'm OK about it at the moment as to me she's not leaving home. It's more like going to boarding school where she'll be back at holidays and maybe the occasional weekend. I'm a widow but will have dd2 at home for 3 years, then she'll go away when dd1 finishes her degree.

vodkaredbullgirl · 16/09/2022 11:20

I was the same, she came back home after 3 yrs and is still here.

Highamite · 16/09/2022 11:23

I just showed this thread to my ds who's going into his final year. He was 😮 at some of the responses. He said mum it's the other way round in this house - I'm more sad than you 😂

yougotthelook · 16/09/2022 11:28

Highamite · 16/09/2022 11:23

I just showed this thread to my ds who's going into his final year. He was 😮 at some of the responses. He said mum it's the other way round in this house - I'm more sad than you 😂

😂😂😂
My dd is going next year so I was so sad reading this thread but you proper made me laugh!!!!😂😂😂😂😂

DoingJustFine · 16/09/2022 11:35

DS1 leaves this Sunday. I wish I could do his entire childhood ALL over again, safe in the knowledge that he survives to 19 and gets his dream university place!

I was such a stressed, anxious mother. I wish I could do it all over again.