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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD off to uni tomorrow.

181 replies

Crosswithlifeatm · 15/09/2022 23:23

I gave her a hug goodnight and am now a soggy,weepy mess.
I will no doubt be worse tomorrow if the overloaded car makes it.
AIBU or are other mums like this?
I have brought her up to be a strong, independent young woman so I've only myself to blame but this is it, she's outgrown home.
How long does it take to reinvent a life as a single woman?

OP posts:
Funkyslippers · 26/09/2022 15:07

Crosswithlifeatm unfortunately I don't have the option of seeing her at least for another 5 weeks as she doesn't get half terms off but says we can go up there. I may do if she wants us to. We're looking at £60 petrol money plus £75 per night air BnB. And she'll have to get the train back at Christmas which will cost an arm and a leg (or the bus which takes 5 hours!). This sounds horribly selfish I know but if she was closer I could just nip over to see her every now and then

She's made LOADS of friends, on the plus side. There always seems to be someone to socialise with!

Cheesechops · 26/09/2022 15:36

@Crosswithlifeatm thats brilliant that she has made so many friends so quickly. I think if mine had people to spend time with she would be much happier but she is in a flat with all lads and hasn’t the confidence to try and socialise with others.

Duckerbizzle · 26/09/2022 16:10

Hope everyone is OK. I was delighted to hear from my DD this morning at 6am (she's an early riser!) She's absolutely fine and likes her new room and flatmates. Apparently they had a party last night but she was shattered and went to bed at 9.30 lol, but nobody took the mick or called her boring or anything. It felt like winning the lottery getting messages from her haha. I've been ok today, I expected to be a wreck but have kept busy. (Youngest is three! So no time to stop and dwell on it all) But yeah, I miss her so much already even though I'm so happy for her.

Original poster
Crosswithlifeatm · 26/09/2022 16:34

Sorry it's still difficult for her Cheesechops.I think my dd would have found an all male flat intimidating.Has she met others on her course yet as that's where DDS new friends are.
I do hope things get better for her.
In my DDS course they have team work so no one has been isolated .
Has she contacted uni well-being so she has access to support if she needs it?

OP posts:
Cheesechops · 26/09/2022 17:18

@Crosswithlifeatm her accommodation is in another city so although she has met people on her course she lives nowhere near them. Other good news is that she should be starting work this week so hopefully that could introduce her to some other people

Funkyslippers · 26/09/2022 17:26

Duckerbizzle my DD did the same thing last night. First early night in a week! She was worried she'd be seen as a saddo but was glad of the rest!

Lovemusic33 · 26/09/2022 19:23

My dd has been in bed early, she went out last night but her and her friends didn’t like the event they went too so went back to someone’s flat for a bit then walked back to her flat and went to sleep. Tonight she’s staying in gaming on her own, she seems happy with this, doesn’t mind her own company. She chose quite accommodation but now realises that most of her flat mates are not sociable at all and she’s only met 2 of them (they went out together for a hour today) so she doesn’t know who the other 5 are.

Duckerbizzle · 27/09/2022 07:23

I'm struggling today! Missing DD much. As she is an early riser, normally at the crack of dawn at home I would hear her moving about, listening to podcasts, making a drink, just a general sort of whirr. But now it's so quiet! DH left for work at 5am and DS is still sleeping. I've had a good cry but I've just got this horrible sense of dread, like there's no ending to this. I was pinning my hopes on her coming back for a few weeks for Christmas but now I'm wondering if she will even want to come for the whole holidays or what. I know I'm lucky though in the sense that she's having a great time, I really do feel for those of you who have DD/DS who are struggling, that must be so difficult.

Redkettle · 27/09/2022 07:58

I was menopausal when my daughter left for uni. As soon as she went my periods just stopped! It's stressful. But not as stressful as when they have finished and come home! Lol.

Lovemusic33 · 27/09/2022 08:11

Duckerbizzle · 27/09/2022 07:23

I'm struggling today! Missing DD much. As she is an early riser, normally at the crack of dawn at home I would hear her moving about, listening to podcasts, making a drink, just a general sort of whirr. But now it's so quiet! DH left for work at 5am and DS is still sleeping. I've had a good cry but I've just got this horrible sense of dread, like there's no ending to this. I was pinning my hopes on her coming back for a few weeks for Christmas but now I'm wondering if she will even want to come for the whole holidays or what. I know I'm lucky though in the sense that she's having a great time, I really do feel for those of you who have DD/DS who are struggling, that must be so difficult.

Mornings are the hardest for me too, my dd isn’t a early riser but her sister and I am, so I got up this morning and was sneaking across the landing to the loo and then realised I don’t need too as dd isn’t there 😢. It is taking some getting used too.

Duckerbizzle · 27/09/2022 09:37

Lovemusic33 · 27/09/2022 08:11

Mornings are the hardest for me too, my dd isn’t a early riser but her sister and I am, so I got up this morning and was sneaking across the landing to the loo and then realised I don’t need too as dd isn’t there 😢. It is taking some getting used too.

Show quote history

Aww you poor thing. I keep doing the same, almost forgetting that she isn't here and going to offer her a drink or whatever. I hate this!

Funkyslippers · 27/09/2022 17:38

Duckerbizzle poor you, I empathise. Is your DD far away? My tears are bubbling under the surface most of the time

Darbs76 · 27/09/2022 17:40

My DS is having a great time, night 5, he’s been out every other night but having a night in tonight. He’s joined a few societies, made friends and is having a great time. I dread already DD going in 4yrs (if she does) as she’s very different to him, I knew he would settle easily. Missing him but equally enjoying less cooking and washing, and enjoying just us girls (and the male dog!)

Cheesechops · 27/09/2022 20:10

My DD is home again tonight! This is beginning to drive me nuts. She’s going back again tomorrow but all the coming and going is really stressing me out. She will never settle at this rate!

Lovemusic33 · 28/09/2022 09:36

Cheesechops · 27/09/2022 20:10

My DD is home again tonight! This is beginning to drive me nuts. She’s going back again tomorrow but all the coming and going is really stressing me out. She will never settle at this rate!

I’m sure it will settle down once she has good friends and is in lectures more?
I’m seeing dd tomorrow and if she wants to come home for a couple nights she can, though I’m not sure she will want too.

Funkyslippers · 01/10/2022 19:07

How is everyone this weekend? I'm feeling a bit better. And we've booked to go and stay in Sheffield in 3 weeks! I wouldn't have gone unless DD wanted us to and she said she did 😊

Cheesechops · 02/10/2022 13:48

Mine is en route home again for the night but seems happy to be going back again tomorrow. I think the (very) frequent trips home are what’s keeping here there so I’m happy to go along with it

Lovemusic33 · 02/10/2022 18:37

I visited dd on Thursday, took her shopping and for lunch, she seemed happy and said she feels settled now at uni (apparently first couple days she felt home sick), she has a busy week this week so I won’t see her, I have offered to go take her for lunch next weekend as I’m only a hour and ten minutes away. She doesn’t seem bothered about coming home for a weekend, I think she’s enjoying time away from her sister who has SEN’s and I don’t blame her, I would be too 😬.

DontKeepTheFaith · 02/10/2022 20:14

I think DS2 is struggling to settle but he’s not saying too much so hard to know for sure.

We have had a bit of a crisis with DH being admitted to hospital so had to FaceTime him to let him know. Not the best start to his Uni journey but I did wait until after DH had been to surgery and the prognosis was much more positive to call.

DS2 wants to come home next weekend which will be nice but just hope that isn’t a bad sign. Definitely miss him. DS1 is finally going back tomorrow and with DH in hospital, it will just be me and the cat for the first time ever…..

Hanna86 · 02/10/2022 20:51

Lovely thread OP - have a 2 year old and 3 month twins and have been finding it a bit relentless the last week or so. Good reminder to be grateful and make the most of them whilst they're still around! X

Original poster
Crosswithlifeatm · 03/10/2022 14:26

Bit of a mixed week for me.Dd ended up in hospital on Monday,she didn't tell me until Tuesday when she was waiting for a CT scan and then discharged.(MRI and other investigations via outpatients).
She came home Thursday ,she needed to collect a few more things and slept mostly until Saturday.She has a stinking cold too.
She had been going back Saturday evening but railstrike.Then only a bus service Sunday.So I said I'd run her down.
Feeling better she loaded the car again!
I also helped her go through her finances and set a budget.
I shed a quiet tear and am reminded of how quiet it is without her.
She has also promised to call if she get ill again and tell me about test results!
Sometimes she's too independent!

OP posts:
XCTX · 03/10/2022 14:57

She may well come back! I left home at 23 after uni and promptly returned at 29 having gotten bored of living so far away from home (and without a penny to my name as despite having an ok job i was completely financially illiterate).

Original poster
Crosswithlifeatm · 03/10/2022 15:40

She'll visit but she has flown now.We live rurally so she is limited without a car and had outgrown home.
I never thought health would be an issue though,we will see.

OP posts:
Cheesechops · 05/10/2022 17:51

Exciting news today! DD has managed to find a job opposite her halls which should pave the way for her to actually meet some friends. I am so pleased for her

Original poster
Crosswithlifeatm · 06/10/2022 14:54

Good for your daughter,this will boost her confidence as well making friends.

OP posts: