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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD off to uni tomorrow.

181 replies

Crosswithlifeatm · 15/09/2022 23:23

I gave her a hug goodnight and am now a soggy,weepy mess.
I will no doubt be worse tomorrow if the overloaded car makes it.
AIBU or are other mums like this?
I have brought her up to be a strong, independent young woman so I've only myself to blame but this is it, she's outgrown home.
How long does it take to reinvent a life as a single woman?

OP posts:
Crappydoo · 21/09/2022 17:47

Just checking in again. I've come home from work and she isn't here and I hate it! She's having a good time but I'm worried for her over money. She doesn't get her loan through until 3rd October and I don't have any spare money I could give her 😞

WeAreAllLionesses · 21/09/2022 22:32

Middle son went last Friday, the house is just so quiet. Far too quiet. My mum used to say it would be like that but when the kids are toddlers you can't imagine it!

Lovemusic33 · 22/09/2022 10:15

Dd is going tomorrow 😬, I woke up with that horrid anxiety feeling. Dd has come down with a bad cold (not covid) so isn’t being very sociable today. I have offered to take her out for lunch later before with pack the car for tomorrows drive. I keep reminding myself she’s only a hour away but it still feels far away as we have never really been apart for more than 2 days. I am stressing about everything….can we fit everything in the car?…..have remembered to pack everything?…will we have time for a food shop on the way? As well as all the other worries about her making friends and people excepting her for who she is (ASD, non drinking, talks for England 🤣).

Funkyslippers · 22/09/2022 11:10

Uni students have Freshers' Week - I think parents need some sort of transition week/month to get used to the kids not being around! It's obviously a massive life change for them but hard for us too.

Lovemusic33 we just about managed to fit everything in our car, and our car is big! When we went to unpack her kitchen stuff and food we found it wouldn't all fit in 2 small double cupboards so she's had to keep some stuff in her room. She has a couple of small shops near her but at the moment she's living off pasta and stir fries

Lovemusic33 · 22/09/2022 19:36

The cars almost packed (managed to fit it in), I haven’t bought her much kitchen stuff as she won’t/can’t cook 😬. Feeling a bit odd tonight, the last night with her at home. It’s been me and 2 DD’s for so long, it feels like a huge loss but I also feel extremely proud and slightly jealous. She’s the first in our family to go to uni and she’s worked so hard. I just hope I can hold it together tomorrow.

Funkyslippers · 23/09/2022 14:11

Lovemusic33 I was in your position this time last week! I found the hardest bit coming home to such a quiet house. I really needed a hug from her but obviously couldn't have it. It felt like physical pain. But work has taken my mind off it and I've done some nice things this week with DD2 (13) who doesn't miss her at all! I really don't know what I would have done without WhatsApp and video calls this week! Good luck

Funkyslippers · 23/09/2022 15:39

Just remembered something that happened last night. I was shook awake by someone, I opened my eyes to see the outline of a figure at the foot of my bed and I thought it was DD1 😥. I then realised it was DD2 telling me that an alarm was going off downstairs and she couldn't sleep. It's all come back to me now and I feel really upset that she's not here

Lovemusic33 · 23/09/2022 16:59

I am back home without dd, she has a lovely room, she didn’t really show any emotion when I left, was happily messaging friends and setting up all her tech in her room. There’s a few issues with her room including the shower not working but hopefully it will be fixed over the weekend. I haven’t cried yet, I feel kind of numb, dd2 is asking what we are doing tomorrow but I just can’t imagine going anywhere without dd1, she helps me a lot with her sister so it feels scary going out without her. We have made plans to go visit next Thursday and take dd1 for lunch and just to check in that dd is ok. I guess I’m most worried about her cooking and looking after herself as it’s something she struggles with a lot.

DontKeepTheFaith · 24/09/2022 20:08

I left DS2 at UCL today, very sad day in some ways. I’m so proud of him and he did so well in his A levels but I will miss him a lot.

He seemed so young and I just wanted to make it all okay and not scary and I can’t. I think he will be fine but I know from DS1 last year, these first few days are overwhelming.

DS1 goes back next week and then it will be really hard. I’ve always had one here and I’m not looking forward to neither being here.

Thank god I have work to keep me occupied.

Airymanning · 24/09/2022 21:45

Please tell me this gets easier. I feel so sick and sad leaving my son today. 😢

Original poster
Crosswithlifeatm · 24/09/2022 22:02

I'm now one week in and it gets better(unless I read what everyone else is doing then I have a little eye watering).
The really hard bit is not calling /texting her.I want to know how she's doing but don't want her to think she can't manage.Shes sorted out a bus pass,GP,uni well being services and looking to get on the electoral register there!
I also know that this week has been quiet,Freshers fair was disappointing.But not how she is,!
I am granted a weekly phone call and so will find out tomorrow.
I think I'm ok .
I especially understand the empty bedroom,the lack of familiar sounds.
But still it isn't as bad as last week and I am in hope that it gets better.
And yes no one tells when they're born that you only have them for a short time,forgetting the fun we had leaving home without a backwards glance.Sorry mum!

I

OP posts:
Airymanning · 25/09/2022 08:20

I'm so glad it will feel better. First morning at home and I can't stop crying.

HelpMeGetThrough · 25/09/2022 10:07

We've had various texts throughout the week, which has been nice. A couple of more practical ones on washing machine temperatures and more importantly he wanted the Sky ID and password, so he's now set up with Sky TV as well as Netflix and Amazon.

He's got a delivery coming tomorrow of his favourite gin. Got to get the important things in for him. 😁

CherriesCherriesCherries · 25/09/2022 10:38

DS seems a bit happier. He met some lads on an induction thing and really clicked with them, they invited him to go and play guitar and for a drink.
He made a curry, his housemates were impressed as they've been living on dominoes and noodles so he's offered to cook a chilli for everyone next week.

Funkyslippers · 25/09/2022 13:23

I'm one week in and not sure it's any easier. I can't believe it's been a whole week already. I got teary on the phone to her on Fri which I really didn't want to do but I couldn't stop myself. DD2 and I went to see Ticket to Paradise (brilliant) but I was crying through most of it. The people in the cinema must have thought I was nuts! It did cheer me up though.

On the plus side, less laundry, food shopping, cooking and putting the dishwasher on! I'd give all of that to have her back for a bit

DontKeepTheFaith · 25/09/2022 15:49

Itbb be is certainly harder than I thought it would be. I was a bit blasé because I did it with ds1 last year but I do really miss ds2 and I am worrying a lot.

Even the cat seems to miss him, went to sleep on ds2’s bed this morning and she never normally does that.

Ds1 goes back next weekend and then it will be very quiet here. I am working which will keep me busy, dh is retired so will be very odd for him.

It’s a sad time.

Lovemusic33 · 25/09/2022 18:04

I cried for half an hour this morning (I think mornings are the hardest, evenings hard too) but have kept busy all day. Dd messaged a couple hours ago to say she was going to meet some people upstairs and then they are going to SU bar at 8pm so she said not to worry if I don’t hear from her. I’m pleased she’s having a good time meeting people, she’s always struggled making friends and was very much a loner until the last year of school, I was worried she would just shut herself away, I’m very proud of how well she’s doing but I still secretly want her home 🤣

DontKeepTheFaith · 25/09/2022 18:40

Lovemusic33 · 25/09/2022 18:04

I cried for half an hour this morning (I think mornings are the hardest, evenings hard too) but have kept busy all day. Dd messaged a couple hours ago to say she was going to meet some people upstairs and then they are going to SU bar at 8pm so she said not to worry if I don’t hear from her. I’m pleased she’s having a good time meeting people, she’s always struggled making friends and was very much a loner until the last year of school, I was worried she would just shut herself away, I’m very proud of how well she’s doing but I still secretly want her home 🤣

It’s lovely when they start doing things and settle in.

I’ve started WhatsApp stalking Ds2 as I did with ds1 last year🤣🤣 Just so I know they are online and alive if nothing else.

I just feel a bit lost today and oddly, I am looking forward to going back to work tomorrow so I am occupied, I never look forward to Mondays at work….ever🤣🤣

Funkyslippers · 25/09/2022 18:48

Lovemusic33 I can relate. DD has been out partying every night this week and made loads of friends which I'm not surprised about. Every time I talk about how I'm feeling I get upset. But I've been through this sort of thing before and it is a type of grief which will pass over time. Thank God for facetime, WhatsApp etc. ATM I want to know exactly what she's eating and how she is but I know I must let that go. She's an adult for goodness sake!

Duckerbizzle · 25/09/2022 21:23

Well, we dropped off DD today. Her room is very nice and she was keen to organise it all and make it nice and tidy. She's met the others in her block and everyone seems cool. So, she's happy and that's the main thing. But oh, the feeling of being punched in the guts! Haven't cried too much yet because I feel a bit numb but I know I won't be able to hold in much longer. I know we'll adjust but it feels so flipping bleak and just empty right now. Hugs to everyone going through this.

Airymanning · 25/09/2022 22:55

It's genuinely awful isn't if. We don't get prepped for this in NCT classes lol

FayeGovan · 25/09/2022 23:21

No there is no warning of what this is like. And of course we all left home ages ago without a backwards glance and no thought at all how our mother's must have felt!!

FayeGovan · 25/09/2022 23:23

And my mum's dead now and i cant even ask her or dad😢

Original poster
Crosswithlifeatm · 26/09/2022 11:59

Well,I got my weekly phone call a bit late as they were having a film night in their flat!She made new friends doing her course and is coming home next weekend.
She wants to take more stuff!This will be 2 carloads back home in summer.
Anyone out there know if I will regress to a soggy mess again next Sunday when I put her on the train?
Are you ladies all ok?
Are your D's/DDS making friends and in friendly flats?

OP posts:
Cheesechops · 26/09/2022 13:07

Mine came home this weekend and will do that for as long as she needs. She has gone back this morning seemingly a lot happier than she was last week which is such a relief. It was lovely to have her around and I’m sure the house will feel horribly empty again once I get home later.