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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD off to uni tomorrow.

181 replies

Crosswithlifeatm · 15/09/2022 23:23

I gave her a hug goodnight and am now a soggy,weepy mess.
I will no doubt be worse tomorrow if the overloaded car makes it.
AIBU or are other mums like this?
I have brought her up to be a strong, independent young woman so I've only myself to blame but this is it, she's outgrown home.
How long does it take to reinvent a life as a single woman?

OP posts:
DontKeepTheFaith · 20/09/2022 21:05

Ds2 goes on Saturday, DS2 goes back the following week. I can see Ds2 is beginning to feel stressed and that stresses me out😢

Its hard, DS1 is going in to year 2 but had a very mixed first year and I think we are all apprehensive about him going back.

Cheesechops · 21/09/2022 07:20

It’s so bloody hard isn’t it? My instinct is to go and scoop her up and bring her home where I know she will be happy and safe. I’m hoping that things get better. She is now full of cold and feeling very sorry for herself

Duckerbizzle · 21/09/2022 07:43

All the best to everyone going through this. My eldest leaves on Sunday and I'm absolutely dreading it. I've been swallowing how I really feel in front of her but there's been lots of crying in the shower/in bed recently. I can't believe I'm going to have to live without her. I'm so happy for her and excited of course but oh my heart feels like it's being ripped out.

HelpMeGetThrough · 21/09/2022 08:03

It's certainly strange not having the eldest here.

When going to bed, I would always say "night boys" and almost did it the other night. I topped the coffee pot up yesterday morning and then realised I'd have to drink it!! 🤣

Youngest (15) said last night he was missing him. They are chatting a lot over text, probably more than they ever did.

It's only morning 3 of him not being here, so it's going to take time. I'm bloody missing him though!!!

NotSorry · 21/09/2022 08:13

When my eldest went I moped around for 3 weeks and I had 3 other kids still at home! I feel for you as it's your only. My youngest is now the last one at uni, just took him back for year 2 and I'm ok with it all now. it will get better @Crosswithlifeatm just keep busy and soon enough they'll be home again

Stomacharmeleon · 21/09/2022 08:21

I know how you feel about scooping them up and rescuing them :) the only thing stopping me is remembering my eldest went through the same. It does pass...

MooBaggage · 21/09/2022 08:28

I'm struggling at the moment - dropped the 'baby' off at Uni on Sunday and the house is so empty and quiet Sad I'm crying at random times and places - my eyes are so sore!

I thought I'd got the hang of this, having said goodbye to ds1 two years ago - but no, it's just been horrific all over again....

Eugh. Meanwhile I'm manically changing all the rooms in the house as much as I can because I can't stand seeing them without ds's! But I also hate that everywhere looks so bloody tidy all the time - I'm missing the mess.... Sad

Goddamn it - there are a trillion books about pregnancy and babies, but no-one tells you you then have to let them go 18 years later....

Funkyslippers · 21/09/2022 09:14

I feel for you all! I'm so glad this thread is here. I cried at work yesterday but when that passed I was ok. It was good to have a distraction. DD is feeling homesick this morning which I'm not surprised, it's such a massive life change for them. Luckily she's been out every night since she moved in on Sunday (crawling in at 4.30 on Mon night, well, it was her birthday! She had to be up at 8 though yesterday though.....). She seems to have a good mix of girls in her flat. Just wish she wasn't so far away. If she was closer I could nip over and see her if she wanted me to

Hugs to everyone!

Champagneforeveryone · 21/09/2022 12:12

I'm glad I read this thread which makes me realise I'm not alone.

DS (my only child) went last Friday and seems to have hit the ground running. He didn't get his accommodation offer until the previous Monday so it was all rather rushed. Added to that we moved house 8 days prior to that and you can understand why I feel a little drained! In fact I actually took a day off work today (practically unknown for me) as I feel like I've been hit with a ton of bricks - I assume that's pent up adrenaline / emotion finally ebbing away.

DS will be home for a few days in November and DH and I cannot wait. I'm enjoying the shower not being clogged with long hairs, but the lack of music and guitars is unnerving ☹️

Chakraleaf · 21/09/2022 12:33

I feel so sad today

Funkyslippers · 21/09/2022 12:54

Chakraleaf is your DS still at home ATM? The build up is a weird feeling. I was fine but it hit me like a ton of bricks when we arrived home after dropping her off. It also depends how far away they're going to be. I know I probably won't see DD until Christmas as she's so far away. I just want to cook her proper meals and look after her! She's living off pasta at the moment

Funkyslippers · 21/09/2022 12:55

Chakraleaf meant to say sorry you're feeling like this. Message me anytime!

Chakraleaf · 21/09/2022 13:01

Funkyslippers · 21/09/2022 12:54

Chakraleaf is your DS still at home ATM? The build up is a weird feeling. I was fine but it hit me like a ton of bricks when we arrived home after dropping her off. It also depends how far away they're going to be. I know I probably won't see DD until Christmas as she's so far away. I just want to cook her proper meals and look after her! She's living off pasta at the moment

Yes, he doesn't go till Saturday but this waiting is horrible. I keep thinking this is the last Wednesday etc and I always buy him chocolate at work and take home the reductions, but i wont need too anymore.

TheChosenTwo · 21/09/2022 13:02

I’m okay, dd went on Monday so only been a couple of days.
she’s only just over a hundred miles away, it felt weird leaving her but I haven’t cried about it and neither has she.
I had her really young, I never went to uni or did anything more than drop out of college (then went back after dc2 was born) so I’m just so proud of her and excited for her new adventure.
Not to say I don’t miss her, I know I will in time, but she’s been very independent since the day she was born and although we’re close we don’t live in each other’s pockets and wouldn’t describe each other as best friends.
i also have 2 other dc at home, I wonder if I’d be tearful if it was the youngest one going. Actually I know I would, it would mean I was at home with just dh 😂😂 enough to make anyone cry!!!

imnotapensioneryet · 21/09/2022 13:20

It's a big emotional transition.

I keep in contact with mine by sending a daily pic of the pets on WhatsApp. Smile Don't expect a response but it keeps communication open.

I try and call one day a week for a brief catch up too.

Miss him so much.

I'm reshaping my life now but it feels a bit empty. I'm kind if wondering what I'm 'for' now. I know the freedom will be lovely too but just not quite there yet.

So exciting for our kids though.

MooBaggage · 21/09/2022 13:35

Yes, we have a weekly video call with ds1, so are hoping that ds2 will join in them...

We won't see ours until Christmas - counting it down. Just on the verge of tears all the blooming time - and I wouldn't have ever described either ds as being my best friend and honestly didn't expect to be this knocked out by it. I'm also massively grateful that both ds's are happy, healthy and out in the big wide world enjoying the next stage of life, but it doesn't stop this huge feeling of loss 😔

smelters · 21/09/2022 16:05

DH took DS today. He was supposed to go on Sunday but we had to delay due to illness. I can't stop crying, it's really helpful to read through everyone's responses on here, I feel a bit like I'm losing my mind! His empty bedroom is very difficult. Bereft would be a good word to describe it. I just phoned my mum in floods of tears and she said she remembers feeling exactly the same when I went off to Uni. And we only had a weekly phone call in those days!
But DS is so ready for this, DH sent a photo of his room and he looks very happy, I know he will have the best time. He needs to spread his wings, it's just very hard to let him go.

Cheesechops · 21/09/2022 16:53

DD has had a much better day today (thank God!). She’s enjoying lectures and being out of her room, it’s the evenings she is struggling with as she still hasn’t met anyone in halls. I keep reminding her (and me!) that she has only been there a few days……

Champagneforeveryone · 21/09/2022 16:54

Ooh, where's he gone smelters?

DS's last flatmate arrived today!

smelters · 21/09/2022 17:00

Champagneforeveryone · 21/09/2022 16:54

Ooh, where's he gone smelters?

DS's last flatmate arrived today!

Exeter, he loves the campus but it is around 3 1/2 hrs drive from us!

smelters · 21/09/2022 17:01

Cheesechops · 21/09/2022 16:53

DD has had a much better day today (thank God!). She’s enjoying lectures and being out of her room, it’s the evenings she is struggling with as she still hasn’t met anyone in halls. I keep reminding her (and me!) that she has only been there a few days……

Bless her, I honestly think this is the hardest part of parenting so far, you can't give them a hug or do it for them. I hope your DD soon settles in and meets some new friends.

Chakraleaf · 21/09/2022 17:05

MooBaggage · 21/09/2022 13:35

Yes, we have a weekly video call with ds1, so are hoping that ds2 will join in them...

We won't see ours until Christmas - counting it down. Just on the verge of tears all the blooming time - and I wouldn't have ever described either ds as being my best friend and honestly didn't expect to be this knocked out by it. I'm also massively grateful that both ds's are happy, healthy and out in the big wide world enjoying the next stage of life, but it doesn't stop this huge feeling of loss 😔

That's understandable xx

CherriesCherriesCherries · 21/09/2022 17:06

Just had a FaceTime from DS.
He's said the flat has formed two halves which he's disappointed about. Two of the lads are best friends which doesn't help. DS says he'll hear chatting in the kitchen but they go quiet when he walks in, if he tries to make conversation the answers are monosyllables.
He's getting on ok with the other two but they're very quiet so not really wanting to go out in the evenings much.
He's trying to be positive but I really feel for him.

Champagneforeveryone · 21/09/2022 17:21

smelters · 21/09/2022 17:00

Exeter, he loves the campus but it is around 3 1/2 hrs drive from us!

Show quote history

Ah, not him then! DS is in London and having a ball by all accounts 😆

Darbs76 · 21/09/2022 17:25

My son goes Friday. Will miss him a lot but can’t wait for reduced washing and cooking! He can’t wait

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