I don’t want to lower my childrens a pocket money to match their stepsisters

Your children are learning how to save, budget and manage money. They are also doing chores. Preparing them for life is exactly what a parent should do. Keep on paying the pocket money and as it increases consider expanding the list of what they are responsible for paying for.

There is a free Kindle book on Amazon called - What The Accountant Taught His Daughter. www.amazon.co.uk/What-Accountant-Taught-his-Daughter-ebook/dp/B07ZVFBTHW?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21 You may find this useful to continue your children financial education.

As per a pp explain to your children not to share financial details when asked.

I can see both sides here. I think the fairest way would actually be to increase the step childrens pocket money if your partner and their ex-partner can afford to. If they can't, then I think in their position I would feel upset. It wouldn't be unreasonable to do a complete overhaul and give every child £30 a week or something regardless of age. Equality seems important in a family environment. You can always put your extra aside for them separately to gift for car/house/wedding etc if you like.

Why should he?

Gosh - £324 a month on pocket money…….

He cares enough to get the opinions of randoms on the internet.

Wow that amount of pocket money a week is disgusting. Yes you should lower it, it's goady and sounds like your just showing off to me.

I can’t believe how many people are blindsided by the amount and claiming the only solution is to reduce it because then, people working minimum wage or the step sister have less.
Some people have more some people have less, that’s life.
The post isn’t about the actual figure OP gives his kids, it’s about his ex and her partner (who have the children less) thinking they can dictate how he parents his own children!

Its a fair amount especially if you buy clothes and toiletries but it's not causing issues in their behaviour and you're the resident parent it's yout decision.

If it's bought up again I'd remind your ex wife that it's a good lesson for their child to learn that sometimes life isn't fair.

Why is it disgusting? Surely you know people who have more money probably give their kids more money?
Why is less money considered a virtue?

YANBU. Not your problem what they can and cannot afford for the other child.

It is a hell of a lot of money though, even if they are sensible with it.

It's not really. How can OP be showing off about it if it has only been a problem this last week?

My ex later said she assumed I was giving them a normal amount it's not been an issue for years see. So it's not showing off or being goady.

So many comments so may have been said.. I'd have a chat with them, raise the younger ones to meet the older ones and tell them it will not be capped.
Then I'd ask them what they feel about recurving 60% and saving 40% on their behalf. That way they're still receiving it, but to the disposable has reduced. Plus then when they're ready to set up alone, they have a little buffer

But why? This arrangement is between 3 people. And it works fine for those 3.

Why would you raise the younger ones to meet the older ones?! That makes no sense. You mean OP's DC?

So much outright jealousy on this thread.

Why? Surely it depends on whether or not they're just given that money or also encouraged to develop the skills alongside it to manage it?

I have friends who received naff all from their parents, got jobs at 16 and spanked the lot, others didn't. Friends who got normal amounts and got into debt later and friends who got normal amounts and didn't etc. It really boiled down to whether they had been familiar with money and how it works and had a good example set for them.

I didnt receive the level of the OPs kids but don't think that is why I'm good with money - its because I was set up with bank accounts from birth, learnt about and spoke about money and budgeting, and had a good example. That has never changed whatever sum of money I have.

If the kids live with you the majority of the time is it think she being very cheeky. Letting their stepdaughter dictate how much pocket money you give your kids it's absolutely nothing to do with her. Yes it's a lot of money but it's your money and you can do with it as you please.

I didnt receive the level of the OPs kids but don't think that is why I'm good with money - its because I was set up with bank accounts from birth, learnt about and spoke about money and budgeting, and had a good example. That has never changed whatever sum of money I have.

To be honest, I think a lot of "good with money" is not linked to the way you are brought up. My DC are close in age, brought up the same way, but one watches every penny and saves a lot, and the other has spent his money almost before he has it. I do think OP is lucky that his children are inherently of the "good saving" model (or potentially they just have so much money they dont know what to do with it). And, based on my own experience, I do think this is luck and probably not down to anything he may have done or not done.

OP like others I do think your kids get an awful lot but that is up to you. It isnt for you to alter what you decide to do for your kid because if someone else's. Your ex isn't wrong that it will cause resentment and inequality. However this is just another example of the issues people can face when they have blended families. There will likely be different financial circumstances between the different people in the mix and different parenting ideas. If the parents in the mix cannot cope with that it sounds harsh but the answer is not to blend families, it is not to try and force everyone to match up. I have an adult SC so not quite as difficult for me as though she can see a difference in the financial situation her siblings are being brought up in compared to her, it isnt a direct comparison in the same way as she is already grown. However, that increased financial situation is due to me and my income. It would have been absurd to expect me to spend less on my kids and pay out for her and her household when she has her own parents responsible for her already. Similarly it would have been absurd for me to only spend the same and then have excess funds I could never ever spend. And to what level would I take it? Not buy a home with more space because she lived in a flat? Not save for their future because her mum didn't? Not let them go to any clubs because she didnt? It makes no sense. Its one thing not spending because you don't have it and another actively limiting chances to try and be equal.

Why is it disgusting? I received a similar amount as a teenager. Some of my friends received an allowance like me, others were handed money as and when they needed it but I would guess we all received similar amounts.
I had an active social life and would often meet friends for coffee/brunch/lunch/dinner. We would go to the cinema or bowling or to concerts. We went to exhibitions in London. We also did free stuff and slept over at each others houses and ate pizza.

Strange that people keep judging op for the amount he gives his children. Reminds me of the religious community that I know who consider you closer to god the ‘poorer’ you are. Reality is it’s just jealousy and bitterness. Don’t worry about op’s kids, they’re doing just fine by the sounds of it.

No, stepsister's jealousy is not Op or his kid's problem. Until a year ago or so, they were completely unrelated families and kids were getting different amount per week. They were all in their teens or preteens years and by then they are used to a particular system.
Now a year ago, they are expected to be sibling to a stranger kid and on top a year later their finances are lowered to make that 'sibling' happy.
So tomorrow if stepsister's friends have much higher pocket money, their parents should also be asked to lower the amount to please step daughter. She is 15 not 5, her parents should teach her that different people can afford different things and that you can't call other kids spoiled because their parents can afford pocket money.
This is very unreasonable demand from ex and her DH, and Op has no responsibility for enforcing a relationship between his kids and his ex's step daughter if they expect Op's kids to lose on to accommodate new sister.
Op's son is 12 and was honest when step sister asked how he could afford to save for computer. In turn, step sister started calling step siblings spoilt ( which is borderline bullying. It's not kids fault what amount parents chose to give them). In a few years, would she start calling other people spoilt on social media because they will show they have something she doesn't have?
It's unfair to expect kids to be siblings suddenly because it's convenient for adults.

Sorry, I just realised I wrote her being 15 when she is 14 but my point still stands.

EscapeRoomToTheSun · Yesterday 16:20

You're not setting them up well for life by giving them access to that much cash now. They will have no financial skills, no awareness of the cost of things.

This doesn’t make sense. If I child is given £5 and waxes it on rubbish on the day they receive it but another child is given £20 and spends and saves it wisely, then the second child is getting better economic life skills. More money doesn’t equate to poorer financial skills, it’s the lessons that go with the money. Teaching a child to look after their money, save and spend it on things they really want is best REGARDLESS of the amount.

as someone else said, there are lots of jealous and bitter comments on here. If the children are financially responsible that is what counts.