I don’t want to lower my childrens a pocket money to match their stepsisters

Discuss with your kids how they feel about it, and whether they think it needs resolving.

Suggest you put some of it into a long term saving account so they have a more usual amount on a day to day basis.

completely agree you with. How much money a child gets is all relative. My kids don’t get any 😂 but I think your kids would resent you after they’ve been accustomed to this amount and suddenly have to reduce it. They sound like well brought up kids as they’re not spoilt so you don’t need to worry about ‘too much’ either. Think they’d also resent the other family as well for making you do it. Thing is even without having run it by your ex, it’s your choice what you give your kids, but the fact you already had a formula ok’d by your ex but now she’s backtracking means you’re definitely not in the wrong here. Stick to your guns unless you yourself want to lower it for your own reasons.

What do they have to buy, vs what SS has to buy? They are at an age where you start to get into allowances for things like clothes or cinema trips, rather than parents stumping up each time. So it may not be as unequal as it seems if your two have to buy more with it.

£45 a week?😂😂😂😂 the jealousy stinks. OP, give them what you want. What happens in your house (as long as it is legal) is your business.

I don't think it's insane if you can afford it and the children are sensible with it. If they are learning to use it to save up for something and not blowing it all on haribo or cheap nail polish then there isn't a problem.

What your ex's partner dies with his daughter and her finances is not your problem or your children's. They need to have the conversation with her that it's from their father. Dies she not get anything from her mother?

It doesn’t matter if it’s equal or not.

I do think that's a lot of pocket money to be honest. BUT that's not the point here. This has worked for you and your children, who might I add, sound like great children! I think the stepdad and the mother need to take this opportunity to educate the stepsister on how to manage her emotions, and explain the situation about how you're their father and how much you give them is between them and you etc NO WAY in hell should you lower the allowance in this context at all!!!

Not only is that insanely unfair on your children, it's showing all three kids that you're empowering bullying, and letting the child be the parent.

I would also explain to my kids how the third child feels is normal, and use it as a crucial educating opportunity, to teach them how to manage her jealousy without turning horrible themselves. Because boy is this scenario so common in the adult world of success both in families and the work place ;-)

You seem like a great dad. Protect your children. You've no obligation to the other child, and it's a shame your wife can't stand her ground with an arrangement that wasn't a problem until now.

How did your ex not know how much her kids were getting!

I think it sounds like the approach has worked well and they’ve got good money management skills.

ex and husband are being really unreasonable.

Hi dad! Im 35, can you give me pocket money too🤑that's £420 for this month then k thnx bye

On a serious note, can they keep their savings pots at yours? Or put direct into bank accounts?

Also. What age is best to start pocket money?

@EscapeRoomToTheSun

Utter Rubbish. They already have savings & save for what they want (a computer).

@ormav Just keep repeating 'what your partner gives his daughter has NOTHING to do with me. I will give MY children the pocket money I DECIDE. not you, not him & if he can't afford to give them the same pocket money as OUR children, ask his EX for the money 🙄🙄

If 'they' are giving his daughter, how much are 'they' giving your kids?

what both their EX's do is completely irrelevant.

I’d have thought it’ll have the reverse effect. With a reasonable amount of money they’ll learn to save, budget, invest rather than have to beg parents for a tenner here and a fiver there for every little thing.

If the OP can afford it, and it helps develop skills and independence in the children then why not? I mean, it’s 36 years since I was £15, but even then I got £10. I then worked in a deli Saturdays (8 hours at £2.32 an hour!!) and got very good at saving, budgeting…and, to be fair, spending. Skills I have honed over the years, but particularly the spending one ;)

I agree it's a lot of money and I personally give half of that, however

A) it sounds like you are teaching them the value of it because they are savers and choose how to spend it wisely
B) their step siblings' access to funds is not your own children's problem

What you choose to give your own children is your business.
£45 a week is a lot of money though! £180 a month! Want do they spend that much on?? Is it to cover all clothes, toiletries, snacks, phone etc?? Or is just sweets and make up money?
I agree to cut back a bit (cost of living increases?) and put the rest into savings for them would be a good compromise.

If you pay them less it is going to cause so much resentment. They are so misguided.

I got £120 a month at around that age so I think it’s a reasonable amount given that I was a teen a fair few years ago.

I would keep giving what you give, maybe just ask the kids to not mention it around the step sibling but I think it’s unreasonable to expect you to reduce the amount. Particularly if you can afford it comfortably.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. My kids 15 and 16 get a similar amount. The 16 year old works on Saturdays too and has worked the whole summer. They dint act spoilt and understand the fist of things. They are both brilliant with saving up for stuff.

if it’s causing a huge problem though maybe you could set them up a savings account and put the money there. Ultimately though what you give your kids is your business and nothing to do with your ex wife snd especially nothing to do with her husband. Clearly it’s his child causing the problem so may be she needs to be taught that Jelousy over what others have isn’t great either!

Surely its better to encourage or let them save from the money they’re given. Otherwise what’s the lesson? You need to empower them at some point…

It doesn't sound like they're growing up spoilt if they know they need to save for computers or whatever they want.

Suggest to your ex you'll reduce their pocket money and buy what they want when they want it as well and see which makes them more spoilt.

It is a lot of money for their age, but if you can afford it, why not? Could you maybe drop it to say £20 a week, and the remainder put into a savings pot for each of them when they reach an age your happy with? I.e - for their first car? I don’t really understand why your ex is making it your problem about the SD tbh.

Could you give them less in cash and put the difference in a savings account for them (either the ones they have, or open new ones)? Might be a fair compromise.

Why should they. They can save it themselves. Good lesson to learn in life.

If your kids are saving, not making demands, not spanking it on shit, are doing their household chores and doing well in school and you can afford it, crack on. It’s nothing to do with her what you give your children.

If you stop then they will hate their stepsister. (And probably their step dad as well.)

Seems to me a pretty daft way for your ex to promote family harmony….

And if they’re saving it, it sounds like they’ve got a good idea of how to manage their money. Just make sure they understand all financial planning and it sounds like an awesome set up. Lucky kids.

£45 a WEEK???!!!! Christ on a bike!!!