I have a daughter (15) and a son (12) with my ex. Originally when their mum and I started giving them pocket money we went with a formula of £3 multiplied by how old they were. Since their mum and I divorced 7 years ago I have been responsible for paying the kids their pocket money. I have kept to the original formula we agreed on. So now our daughter get £45 a week and her brother gets £36 a week.
Last year their mum got married. Her husband also has a daughter (14), so my kids have a stepsister now. Apparently she just found out how much our children are getting for their pocket money. She found out when my sons was talking about saving up for a new computer and she asked how he could afford it and how much money he got. He told her how much and how it was based on how old they were.
Now that she knows my ex and her husband say it’s caused a lot of trouble in their household leading to jealousy issues and fighting. This is because their stepsister only receives £10 a week. Both my ex and her husband said that I need to lower the kids allowance. They say that inequality like that between children in the same household can severely adversely affect their sibling relationship. I think that if there is inequality in their household that it is their responsibility to deal with it, not mine. I told them they should should raise the amount his daughter gets if it’s an issue.
They told me that they couldn’t afford to give her that much, but even if they could they wouldn’t because they don’t believe children their ages should have access to the amount of money they have. They say that continuing to give them this much pocket money will also make them spoiled, entitled and bad with money.
My ex later said she assumed I was giving them a normal amount even though I just stuck with the formula we did and agreed upon a long time ago. She says that I obviously should have stopped raising it when it reached normal amount (I’ll point out here that she never said what a normal amount it).
I have since looked up the regular range for pocket money and I’ll acknowledge that theirs is on the higher side. That’s said I do not believe it is adversely affecting them. They do not act spoiled or entitled. They never demand to have things and accept when things don’t go as planned. They do their chores without complaint and do well in school. They get along very well with others their own age with the exception of their stepsister because she calls them spoiled. I would also they are the opposite of bad with money as they both have saved up a significant amount in their accounts and aren’t just spending their money on pointless things as soon as they get it.
AIBU?
I don’t want to lower my childrens a pocket money to match their stepsisters
ormav · 15/09/2022 16:16
whumpthereitis · 15/09/2022 18:50
“It’s really not on to have kids living in the same household treated so differently.”
but that’s a risk you take when you blend families 🤷🏻♀️ Different kids, different parents. ‘Equalizing’ it will create a new set of problems, because it’s only being done to pander to the step sister.
ormav · 15/09/2022 18:38
@starfishmummy I do pay for their clothes and toiletries. Not overly expensive ones though. If they want something more expensive they need to pay for it themselves. For instance my son wanted some Air Jordan's. He knew he would have to pay for them as I'll only buy him regular trainers when he needs them. I think it works out okay because he later decided by himself that they weren't worth the cost.
I also expect them to pay for their own activities with the exception being things we do together as a family.
Subbaxeo · 15/09/2022 19:12
I know-which is one of the reasons why I and my DH didn’t move in together until our respective children were grown. Our children were raised quite differently and I could foresee lots of tension if we’d all just moved in together. But it’s a risk for the adults to manage not to expect the children to just suck it up. We’re not talking about occasional things like expensive holidays but something impacting on their day to day lives. I’d be cross with my ex if he had the I’ll do what I want attitude if I raised such an issue with him. A little compromise and sensitivity wouldn’t go amiss.
whumpthereitis · 15/09/2022 18:50
“It’s really not on to have kids living in the same household treated so differently.”
but that’s a risk you take when you blend families 🤷🏻♀️ Different kids, different parents. ‘Equalizing’ it will create a new set of problems, because it’s only being done to pander to the step sister.
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