To think they should sack her?

[Yellowdove]

Colleague in work seems to lie a lot about her home/ family life that are easily proven to be untrue. However, she is really good at her job and has never lied about a work related issue (as far as we know). My point is how can we trust her if she lies about such pointless stuff in such a compulsive way?! HR seems to be saying as a it isn’t a work issue there’s nothing we can do. But how is it not a work issue?

The employer would also be on dangerous ground trying to sack someone potentially with a protected characteristic.

@BluebellsareBlue that's a really cruel comment to make
Total mumsnet , well done

My oldest child passed away at 24 . I don't like to have to tell the whole story , see the expression and have the quiet sympathetic treatment afterwards

So if I don't know you well or care to get to know you , I say I have 3 children
Those that know me well , know the truth
Thanks

I have a colleague like this. However, she is shit at her job. I never believe her when she says she’s going for a medical appointment. But she could well be telling the truth.

OP it is weird !! Yes !! However, I don't think this is an issue for HR! On what basis do you reckon HR should sack her?? Are you serious ?? Imagine the conversation ! You sound very childish!

On another note your behaviour is the reason why I disclose very little about my private life at work ! I have a busy body colleague like yourself who have looked up other colleagues houses, their kids school fees and other personal stuff . I've learnt a lot from her and so have decided to tell my colleagues very little about my private life!

Nope. Unfair dismissal and your company would get into a lot of trouble.

It's kind of ironic that you're saying she isn't in touch with reality ... whilst you say larger HR departments would sack her for this. They wouldn't. I worked with someone who was a complete fantasist. When some of their more lurid lies came out, of course they weren't sacked. It didn't impact their ability to do their job and they hadn't lied to their employer (who was a multi-national so had a giant HR department). There is no contract that says you can't talk rubbish to colleagues about your personal life.

Did your colleague get a promotion that you wanted OP?

What part of her alleged lies and deceit is actually affecting your ability to do the role you're paid to do? Other than finding it 'creepy'?

I do honestly think some of what OP is saying is pure bull or, at the very least, embellished to suit her 'story'. Whatever the case, a few points:

1. Your colleague could be in a polygamous relationship and have a husband and wife.

1. Who's to say she didn't have a previous relationship in which she had twins but, for whatever reason, the ex got custody or they lost their lives in some way and this is how she keeps their memories alive.

1. If she is BFFs with the one, lonely, overworked HR lady, surely there's a good chance your colleague has already been talked to, either officially or unofficially, and she already knows someone has reported her for her 'lies', and yet she still persists in her tall stories - the chance is she's continuing to show you up to be the gossip (potential bully) that you are sounding like.

1. How has it never crossed either your mind or that of one of your colleagues to think maybe (if your story is true) to take her out for a coffee or drink and very gently, nicely and diplomatically tell her you know she's lying and let her know there's no need to for her to lie but you'd like to understand why and try build, at the very least, a nice working environment for you all.

5.When making your official complaint to HR, trying to get her sacked, did you explain where you were getting your Intel from or did you protect your unprofessional aunt?

1. I'm going to take a stab in the dark and suggest you have never told HR or your colleague that you believe she's lying or where you've been getting your information from. BUT I bet you couldn't wait to run back to the rest of your team to tell them what your aunt revealed to you.

1. If your story is true, you have no idea why she's doing it - from past trauma or domestic abuse to making you look stupid (mission accomplished btw) - but as long as she's not telling lies or spreading rumours bout you, your colleagues or your service users and if its absolutely impossible for you to be a kinder more understanding person, leave the personal chitchat out completely. No-one if forcing you to talk about or listen to personal lives in a workplace

You sound like a very disruptive and malign influence. You’re really not coming across as very nice at all

I once worked with someone who told everyone in the office that she’d rescued a kitten from the track at Brands Hatch.

I think you’re getting into territory you’re really not able to judge unless you have qualifications in dealing with MH conditions because you’re attitude is not helpful, it’s judgmental - as evidenced by your comment on ‘worrying’ about mental health conditions. You seem more worried from your own point of view, rather than your colleagues’.

I would prefer her not to be working with our vulnerable elderly clients when she’s a complete fantasist. I also wouldn’t want to confront a complete fantasist in case it was an illness or condition that would be destabilised by confronting the lies. I told HR woman because I thought she was best placed to deal with it. She hasn’t. I thought that was wrong so I made this thread. I’ve now accepted that she can’t be disciplined for being a liar. I still feel uncomfortable with the whole thing.

At a previous job we had a colleague who was a complete gossip, I got on with him very well but I couldn't trust him with anything. Unbeknownst to me another colleague told him a 'secret' (completely random made-up story about something I'd done the night before) the next day everyone was talking about this thing I'd done! The colleague who had started the fake rumour was basically winding the gossip up to see how far and how quickly it would spread.

Could your colleague perhaps be doing the same thing? Trying to catch you out gossiping? If not then it is strange behaviour on her part but unrelated to work.

@Tamworthian would you expect your employer to sack this person? Who as far as we know has made no work related problems or issues, done her job well? Or what basis should she be sacked..... because she just might do something?

@Yellowdove why don't you go into work tomorrow and say "oh wow I was going to visit my aunt last evening and saw you coming out with a wee boy, I didn't realise my aunt was your child minder" and see what she says (then come back and tell us please)

It sounds incredibly strange

I think you need to take a step back and tread carefully

You told HR. If they're friends, the HR person sill discover her weirdness for herself. You've done what you can.

She will unravel for sure. Liars always twist themselves up in a knot

Does no one find it interesting that every story working with a compulsive liar shared on this thread that person ended up being sacked in the end anyway for lying about work? I know that nothing can be done about it. But acting like you can be a total liar in one area of your life and honest as the day is long in another seems grossly naive

I wouldn’t expect that. I would be uncomfortable having to work with someone I knew lied regularly about big, verifiable things, though. It is something I’d discuss with a friend to work through those thoughts. Some people choose anonymous forums for that. I probably would be wary of reporting to HR although it would be potentially useful for them to know.

This. Your aunt could lose her business if this came out.
In terms of your colleague, how do you know she doesn't lie about her personal life because she simply doesn't want to divulge her business to you all? You sound like a nosey bugger anyway poking in where it isn't your business so I wouldn't blame the colleague. I can't believe you've actually broached it with HR when it isn't impacting her work in anyway (I would think you more bat shit than your colleague).

You've ignored that she potentially has very good reason to keep her real life private and makes up stuff to protect her privacy. What harm does she actually pose to elderly clients?

This thread is yet another example of a few people on MN having decided very quickly to disagree with OP and beat her up, and numerous others meekly following their lead without using basic logic and critical thinking.

Of course in an occupation where trust is paramount it is a major issue that someone is habitually lying. How can it not be? It's irrelevant why and how OP knows, because these are lies which could be found out at any time. Anyone within the organisation may meet colleague with her husband and son at any time, or may know someone who knows them well, or may have a child in the same school or attending the same activities as colleague's son. The point is that not only is she lying about the fact of, say, having twins, she seems to be making up extensive stories about the mythical twins and things she is doing with them.

These are all things that HR could easily check up on through public records, and probably should now the issue has been drawn to their attention.

The point is, of course, that OP can only say that she thinks it's not affecting work - she doesn't know. There has to be a real risk that someone who is lying and fantasising all the time will start carrying that over into her working life.

It's not necessarily a matter of getting her sacked, but it is a matter of asking for an explanation. If, as people suggest, there is a good one, the colleague should have no problem in giving it and all of this can be sorted out. But the company and HR should not be closing its eyes to it all and pretending it doesn't happen.

Mind your own business. Stop being so nosy. If she’s good at her job, that’s your only concern. If you don’t line manage her, then again, it’s not of your business. How I hate toxic busybodies in the workplace. You get paid to do a job, not gossip about others. Hopefully HR will address why you think it is any of your business and put you under scrutiny.

I agree. It suggests a degree of compulsion. I would not trust someone I knew to lie about things to do so only in one area of their life.

Op I think you and your aunt were in the wrong for discussing her personal life. Your aunt shouldn't disclose information about her clients- you should know that if you work with vulnerable people.

I can understand you seeing her at your aunts might has sprung a spontaneous conversation but I don't see how the conversation needed to move beyond - oh that's Kirsty from my work, I didn't realise you looked after her kids.

Why do you think it's appropriate to discuss her marriage, sexual preferences, number of children etc?

I'd just stay out of it. She's either unhinged or she's playing you. Perhaps you're known as an office gossip and she wants to catch you out?