To think they should sack her?

[Yellowdove]

Colleague in work seems to lie a lot about her home/ family life that are easily proven to be untrue. However, she is really good at her job and has never lied about a work related issue (as far as we know). My point is how can we trust her if she lies about such pointless stuff in such a compulsive way?! HR seems to be saying as a it isn’t a work issue there’s nothing we can do. But how is it not a work issue?

Why don't you say "oh who was that girl you were leaving my aunts house with then? Where were your boys?"

Let her know you know who she is without reporting anyone or getting anyone sacked or any nasty gossiping.

I don’t think I’d post a problem on here anymore. A few years ago you’d get blunt but usually sensible replies but now it’s just weird.

Like because it would have been a very obvious plot hole to your story if a poster pointed out that it could very simply be a case of mistaken identity so actually what happened is you definitely 100% saw her but also she definitely 100% didn't see you so there's no way she could know anything about your relationship with her childminder.

Just all sounds like nonsense. I would have thought there was maybe something to it as it is always uncomfortable to be around someone when you know they are lying. But it's all just a bit too convenient so either you have made the whole thing up or you've realised this post has made you look really bad so you're embellishing details to make yourself sound like you have a better case than you do to want this woman in trouble.

She doesn’t have to deny knowledge of her but that doesn’t mean she’s allowed to just freely talk about her with you!! I was a childminders assistant a few years ago and would have lost my job if it got found out I was sharing details about parents and children with people outside of work. She should’ve shut down the conversation immediately.

Hopefully your colleague doesn’t get wind of it because if she reports your aunt it could absolutely lead to her setting getting shut down.

Because funnily enough when it all came out I was actually quite freaked out and didn’t want to engage with her. I told HR who I assumed would deal with it. I don’t think they’ve done anything at all - even chat to her, just told me it was not work related.

But you haven’t just looked her up on social media have you.

You are getting information from someone who shouldn’t be giving you it. You tried to get HR to sack her. You are hiding the truth from her and not telling her you know her childminder and friend. That’s not just looking at Facebook.

and if HR is her best friend, she knows she is married to a man. Why would this woman tell everyone she is married to a woman, when her best friend works with her?

YABU. You can't just sack someone for no reason. If they are performing well in their role, what would the justification be?

She may be a fantasist, or she may have very good reason to keep the real details of her private life private from prying and gossipy colleagues.

Do you know who your childminder’s niece is? No? Didn’t think so.

Im a HR Business Partner and have worked in many ‘decent’ HR teams for reputable organisations. No, there is no reason to take action against a staff member who has fabricated any element of her personal life to her work colleagues. Why would we care about that and even if we did how on earth would we prove it?

I would be significantly more concerned about the colleague reporting this, it would show gossiping and bullying to me. You @Yellowdove would be one to watch.

How would you know it was odd unless you were either already baselessly thinking colleague was a liar, or discussing inappropriate levels of detail about your colleague's child with you aunt who is your colleague's childcare provider?

I’m imagining a scenario where a friend comes around for coffee and tells me about this person they have to work with who comes out with all kinds of fantastic lies, and how they feel uncomfortable working with somebody like this. And I would talk it through with them and come up with strategies to distance from them as much as possible and figure out if it needs reporting.

What I wouldn’t do is make up a mean and more fantastical story like yours above.

We had someone like this at work, we just stopped asking questions about her life in the end, gave her no opportunity to lie about anything. If she is ultimately doing her job correctly then there isn't really anything HR can do, they can't sack her because she is lying about her personal life.

What's weird?

Because she had a little boy instead of 2 twin girls. That not strike you as odd?

@Yellowdove i know I keep posting, but I’m genuinely curious as to what HR would do?

You - X is saying she’s married to a woman and has twin daughters. She should be fired
HR - ok… but does she do her job well?
You - yes, very well.
HR - …

This is so odd.

I can’t imagine ever going to HR to tell them a colleague told me she had twins boys and wife but my aunt told me she has a son and a husband😂😂😂.

what the hell would HR do about that. Send out a group memo telling staff they must be truthful and fulsome in disclosures about their personal life?

if she was fired for this the industrial tribunal would be an open goal.

Wind your neck in OP 🙄

This make sense based on most of my friend’s and colleague’s interactions with HR. We mostly know that it’s usually too much of a risk to report anything to them.

There was something in the paper about a police officer inventing a girlfriend and then inventing her illness and taking time off etc. So it does happen.

Did this colleague take time off for her twins or to get married again?

What’s weird is the absolute bullshit people are spouting about how they wouldn’t find it odd at all. Or that it’s completely normal behaviour.
I can accept that I’m wrong for thinking it’s a work related issue.But my unhappiness with it frankly is completely appropriate.

I bet if I told you half the things that happen to me you would undoubtedly call me a liar too. Stuff just happens to me - insect bites become sepsis, crash my car because a wasp flew in and stung me, fell up stairs smashed my leg open then when in A&E witnessed a massive fight between 4 prison officers and their prisoner who then mad a run for it. Fell off a boat. A car reversed into me while I was crossing the road behind it. That's just this summer. I swear if aliens come to earth they will land on my house.

Either you've discussed it in detail with your aunt which is gossipy and mean of you and very unprofessional of your aunt which would lead you to have this level of detail and certainty of your colleague's lies, or you've had a light convo about it after spotting your colleague in her car which could still plausibly be a case of your aunt being mixed up about who you were on about.

Given how much you're not judging your colleague neither one paints you in a good light to people in general and clearly not to your employer either.

If you are definitely sure then I would feel a bit uncomfortable to in all honesty and I would avoid conversations with her about her personal life but you are being WAY too heavy handed in both your assumptions and your dealing with the situation.

Because funnily enough when it all came out I was actually quite freaked out and didn’t want to engage with her.

You were freaked out??? Jesus, you don’t get out much do you?😂

That nobody at all thinks they’d be uncomfortable working with someone regularly telling outrageous lies and that OP is the one with a problem for feeling uncomfortable with it.

Imagine the reverse ‘I like to tell complete lies to my colleagues about my personal life. AIBU that they should trust me in a professional setting?’ She’d have got completely pasted.

amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2022/aug/11/west-midlands-police-officer-harry-sarkar-made-up-fake-girlfriends-death-to-get-days-off This story