To think they should sack her?

[Yellowdove]

Colleague in work seems to lie a lot about her home/ family life that are easily proven to be untrue. However, she is really good at her job and has never lied about a work related issue (as far as we know). My point is how can we trust her if she lies about such pointless stuff in such a compulsive way?! HR seems to be saying as a it isn’t a work issue there’s nothing we can do. But how is it not a work issue?

I can’t understand the responses you’re getting.

It is weird and it would drive me mad. I worked with a similar woman who made up wild stories. She claimed she had a cardiac arrest but discharged herself from hospital, so she wasn’t late for work. I was the only one that seemed bothered about the blatant lies.

I would just very casually say that you saw her coming out of your Aunt’s and you didn’t realise she was her childminder. You don’t need to mention anything else. She will know she’s been caught out and she’ll be dying inside thinking you will out her to your colleagues

There’s a number of reasons she could be doing this, but yes, it’s not work related and isn’t impacting her work, so YABU.

For all you know she could have a shitty home life, is fantasising to make herself feel better, perhaps she’s had bad experiences in the past when sharing details of her personal life so now invents one.

I agree nobody wants to deal with a compulsive liar, but you don’t her reasons, and as your connection to her is purely professional, it shouldn’t matter to you on a personal level.

Either way, it doesn’t matter because it’s not impacting her work

Why is it any of your business? For all you could know she could have children from a previous marriage/relationship?

also have you pulled her husbands pants down to see if he has a dick or a fanny? Some people change gender, prefer dressing in mens clothes, having short haircuts etc because they feel they want to be the opposite gender? How do you or your aunt know any of this is incorrect?

some people even change there name to match there identity?

your aunt shouldn’t have carried on the discussion with you about the situation/home life about her client, a person who worked within the childcare industry on the previous comments said this would be a breach of confidentiality on your aunts behalf.

as for yourself, I would be very careful being so emotionally invested in this. Searching her up on social media was unnecessary and again not needed? What was you going to gain by doing this? If someone did this to me I would feel creeped out and uneasy. To think a colleague would be righting about me on a social media forum, searching me up on social media and then accusing me of lying about my home life, I would be going to my HR department to put in a complaint about workplace bullying and harassment? Wouldn’t you.

you’ve said she’s good at her job, so why are you interested about her life? Again as others have said her home life and personal circumstances are none of your business.

if I was you, I would take a step back and leave things be. You clearly don’t like this woman.. the way you’ve spoken about her in regards to her on your comments back speaks volumes, you and your aunt sound very vindictive and like gossips!

don’t get involved in things that don’t concern you, just don’t socialise with her unless strictly work related if you feel you don’t get along. Simple as that.

And you think that's normal behaviour?

How many on here survive in the real world baffles me at times

No idea about societal norms

Can you imagine the industrial tribunal if they sack her?

• So why did you sack her?

• Well she told Beryl that she had 2 kids but the OP's aunt is her childminder and reckons she has 6.

• Ok, but what misconduct did she engage in at work?

-. During a coffee break she told Bob she was going to Turkey on her holidays but the OP says her aunt says she told her she's going to Tenerife.

It's ridiculous.

OP, have you told your aunt that you are trying to get her good friend sacked from her job, such that she may therefore not need your aunt's services any more? How do you think that will go down in your familial relationship?

You seem really invested in her and borderline obsessed. I do understand the concern but you have spoken to HR and I would say you need to move on. I wouldn’t fish anymore for in for from your Aunt, who is actually friends with her. If she’s going to start lying at work and missing days then they will deal with it. I would move on if I was you.

Spot on

Also asking about if they should sack her has me met with a resounding no. That’s quite extreme for your ‘investigating’ and not your role at work to try and get someone sacked, that’s pretty vindictive of you.

Maybe she doesn’t want you nosey lot knowing anything about her which is understandable given this post

Also, even if you felt you had genuine reasons to go to HR about your colleague's behaviour, therefore risking her job (which you've admitted was your original intention), did you think how this might have impacted on your aunt's career had it ever gotten out how the disciplinary action/firing came about? Yes, HR would have had to keep everything confidential but, as proven in this thread alone, information and misinformation gets about quick and this had (and still has) the potential to get back to your aunt's childminding world and completely ruin her reputation.

Is she bat shit crazy? 100%

Would I struggle not to say anything to her about it? Absolutely

Does she deserved to get sacked? Probably not, although I do think there's a fine line.

And no, I don't think it's wrong of your aunt to tell you she's got a husband. That's pretty lame in terms of data breaches and I guarantee you, everyone one here would tell their neice in the same situation.

I worked with someone similar; lied about really bizarre stuff; the school his DC went to, fantastic stories involving his parents working for/with MI5/6. Even things like work getting him a taxi home, when I’d seen him stood at the bus stop.

Nothing to do with work though, so I don’t think management were particularly interested.

Well if your aunt was my childminder and was gossiping about my life to you i would sack her. She should be reported. As for your colleague she is doing her job well and the rest is none of your business. You sound malicious. Is she senior to you? Are you after her job?

So what?

Does that mean she should discuss her clients children?

No, it doesn't.

She was a client first and then became a friend.

Strange that OPs aunt doesn't have any concerns.....

Of the OP 'calls her out on it' she will be outing her aunt as well.

I think you're getting some harsh replies here, OP. People like this who are compulsive liars are a real pita because you can't trust them or believe anything they say. Sooner or later this is bound to have an impact on her work. Then you can report her to HR.
I had a friend like this. She made up pretty harmless stories that we knew were untrue, were ridiculous in fact, until eventually she told a big lie that really hurt someone. I don't know what the answer is, but at least, in your case, you know what she's like, and forewarned is forearmed.

When did I say my Aunt isn’t concerned? 😂

Where do you draw the line with this sort of thing? I know that a couple of people on my team do drugs in their private life. Their work is spot on, but you would have to question the morals of people taking drugs. But not once have I ever contemplated that I should try to get them sacked.

I also do this. Person that doesn't really need to know me intimitely: "yes she's an only child". Person that is becoming a friend: "two kids, first was an early stillborn". Same goes for gender: "oh your son cute in that little boys outfit", answer could be: "thank you! it was his cousins" or: "actually she's a girl but happens to be wearing her cousins play clothes for today". It's so much easier to just go along with whatever assumption people have about me.

I choose when I want to discuss whatever about my personal life.

I don't think she should be sacked but I'd have some fun with it for e.g. asking to see a pic of her twins or inviting her and her partner out for a drink

MAYBE you saw her leave your aunts house but Your aunt breached confidentiality in telling you details about her life like husband or about her son or whatever. You need to let it go. She might be a fantasist but I’m sure she make some old dears a drink and get them dressed. Jeez

Years ago I worked with someone who made up stuff for no reason, for example she'd pointlessly lie about the car she had. Staff started going out of our way to catch her out as we knew what she said wasnt true.Time passed and someone was stealing petty cash. The bosses sacked who they thought it was (a lovely lady who had just split up from her husband - so bosses obviously assumed she was in financial crisis) Surprise, suprise money kept on going (even despite it being counted in bundles between breaks - so it was obvious it was being monitored to anone with half a brain) final sting operation revealed it was of course the compulsive liar. Bosses kept her on to be Christian! I agree OP after working with a nutjob like that who can lie so easily (see also Boris Johnson) never to be trusted they have no moral compass!

In the end, if you informed HR then the ball is in their court and you can let it go. So just let it go.