To think they should sack her?

[Yellowdove]

Colleague in work seems to lie a lot about her home/ family life that are easily proven to be untrue. However, she is really good at her job and has never lied about a work related issue (as far as we know). My point is how can we trust her if she lies about such pointless stuff in such a compulsive way?! HR seems to be saying as a it isn’t a work issue there’s nothing we can do. But how is it not a work issue?

She’s been telling all of us since she started these lies not just me but yeah ok. I also haven’t told any of the people on my team about her. Only HR who I felt needed to know. So don’t think I’m a gossip either

@giveovernate

Their friendship has progressed beyond the professional

This is no longer a breach of confidentiality when this woman is now the OPs friend and socialised outside of the working relationship

What is so hard to understand?

They can’t sack her until it becomes a work issue (ie found out about lying at work). And it will, eventually.

I worked with a young woman who lied a lot. She was sacked when she tried to cover up her incompetence. We’d had suspicions for a while but a lot we only realised after she’d left and we compared stories. She lied about the most irrelevant minor things, but also almost certainly in her job application and qualifications.

So just keep vigilant.

Haven’t read the whole thread but from your first few pages I have to say you sound like the woman I worked with a couple of years ago. She did nothing but gossip about me and infer ‘lies’ and strange things from my blank or grey rock replies which were given to her as i cottoned on very quickly to what a bullying gossip she was.

I found her extremely creepy and strange.

The OP knows this woman is lying

Maybe read more than the first page next time

Did you lie about being in a same sex marriage and lie about how many children you had too?

I think it's very odd @Yellowdove
I know a woman who lies about everything. But she's popular or involved in everything anything, self-promoting perhaps more than popular. So people act like she's a queen bee. I find her baffling and unsettling but nobody else seems to care.

Sorry, my above comment was meant for Ohpaella

What woman is OPs friend? Why is it so hard for you to understand what's actually been written?

I disagree actually. If there's no trust, how can you work alongside someone?

I mean, it's weird definitely and a bit concerning but HR aren't there to listen to gossip. Unless she does something work related (or somethings serious, like a major crime outside of work), they won't and can not care.

My advice would be to not be too friendly with her honestly. Be professionally distant. Otherwise you may well get sucked in deeper than you want to be.

@Elfandshafty and so what? Maybe she’s lying to shake off a nosy stalker colleague.

So the OPs colleagues friend?

Which one?

The aunt?

The HR person?

I tell you the colleague is very well liked....

You didn't come off week at all, it was ridiculous to be berating someone as not understanding, whilst typing nonsense!

OP you may well be right and all this will eventually unravel but for now, the two issues are completely separate.

She can choose to tell her colleagues whatever she likes. It's not a sackable offence. Batshit, but no protocol broken.

You have logged your concern. At some point it may form part of a fuller picture of inappropriate behaviour but for now there is no case to answer.

Don't push it now or you will be the one looking crazy.

It is nothing more than gossip just now. It cannot be taken to any kind of disciplinary procedure. That doesn't mean you don't have reason to be concerned or that your judgement is wrong but unless it crosses over into the workplace leave it be . Just keep a close eye on her work if it is within your remit to do so.

Exactly!

Regardless of who is right or wrong, have you thought of bigger picture of your gossiping? can you answer these questions brutally honestly?

1. Did you tell HR where/who you got your info from?
2. Did you tell your aunt you'd gone to HR with the information she had given you?
3. Did you tell the rest of your colleagues what your aunt told you?
4. Did you tell your aunt all the gossip about her 'friend' - the friend who trusts your aunt to look after the physical, emotional and mental wellbeing of her child(ren) - in order for her to then spread this to all her own friends and fellow childminders, who would quite possibly have gone on to spread it a little more, to the point where the whole town knows, putting your colleague's child(ren) and partner in even more danger of being gossiped about, bullied and ridiculed.

It's all very well being confident and stubborn in your opinions and standpoint on this subject, but i can understand why people are taking your colleagues side on this, just because you come across like you wouldn't (haven't?) Thought twice about the rippling effect of gossip can have.

I agree!

Her home life is no business of her employer.

YANBU - I would find this alarming.

I suppose there's no chance she's got an identical twin? Why don't you confront her?

If you’re that bothered, surely it’s easy enough to catch her out if you’re that keen to ‘out’ her lies? Can’t you say ‘ooh twin girls, how lovely, are they identical? Got any pictures on your phone? I’d love twins!’ Isn’t she running the risk of being seen out with her husband and son, if you all work and live in roughly the same area. After all, you’ve already seen her once outside your aunts, can’t you accidentally do that that again and catch her at it? Oh Sarah, nice to see you, oh who’s this then?! Little Jack? I thought you had two girls!?

I’d have to call her out in it. It’s bloody bonkers!

You've heard the phrase jumped the shark I presume??