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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to contact my first love's widow

283 replies

KitsilanoBeach · 13/09/2022 12:16

I had my first proper boyfriend/first kiss/first love when I was 14/15. I’m fairly sure I was his first girlfriend and first kiss too.

It only lasted a few months but I was besotted and we used to write each other love letters (no emails/texting back then, and we went to different schools in the same town but lived quite far from each other).

He then dumped me - I don’t think I ever knew why, he was a nice guy and not a player - and broke my heart. Our paths didn’t really cross again, although he did send me a letter when I was about 17 apologising for what happened (a friend of mine had bumped into him and told him “Kitsilano hates you!” which wasn’t true, but anyway – teens, eh?).

I have from time to time wondered what happened to him and had idly googled him but without any success – he has a reasonably common name. It was only recently that I thought to google him and the name of the small village he grew up in and I immediately came across an obituary for him, reporting that he had died in 2019 after a long battle with cancer. He was quite successful in his chosen career so there were a couple of obituaries in national publications, and in addition his wife (now widow) is a professional writer who has written at length about his illness and her subsequent bereavement.

Even though I hadn’t seen or heard from him in decades I have felt quite affected by his death, both because of what he meant to me for a brief time but also I suppose because it is always hard to think about people dying so young.

I am tempted to reach out to his widow to offer my condolences, but I just can’t work out if this would be inappropriate and not welcomed by her. Both because it is now a number of years since he died, but also because she may not want to hear from an ex-girlfriend, even though it was just a teen romance from many years before they met.

I also suspect that she will have been contacted by many other people who have been bereaved/widowed young and who could relate to what she has written and wanted to share their own experiences with her, and perhaps it is all a bit much for her. She may also now be in a different place (although from her more recent writing online I do not get the impression she has found anyone else, although she may just have chosen not to write about it).

But on the other hand, she might like to hear from someone else who has fond memories of her late husband and at the end of the day we both loved him, (albeit I'm not of course comparing my relationship with hers).

I don’t think there is a right answer but am really torn, and would welcome views particularly from anyone who has suffered a similar bereavement if you feel able to share them.

YABU – do not contact the widow, leave her be
YANBU – it’s fine to contact the widow to offer condolences

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 13/09/2022 12:17

Write her a letter, and don't send it.

Flumpymc · 13/09/2022 12:18

Leave her be.

ZekeZeke · 13/09/2022 12:18

Do not contact the widow

Antarcticant · 13/09/2022 12:19

Have you read her book/articles? That might give a better idea about how any contact might be received.

RunningFromInsanity · 13/09/2022 12:19

God no.

LegoFiends · 13/09/2022 12:19

It seems like it would be about your feelings rather than hers, so don’t do it. Find a way of marking the moment that doesn’t intrude on her grief. Leave flowers in a meaningful place, for example, or make a donation to a cancer charity.

abovedecknotbelow · 13/09/2022 12:20

I'm not sure you would think it was the appropriate thing to do? Don't contact her.

Mamoun · 13/09/2022 12:20

I think it is a lovely intention and I would do it. I think it will make her smile and happy to know that he is remembered. I wouldn't go into much details about the romance. Maybe just say that you had an early teenage fling and that it was nice. Don't say you loved him or whatever - that's between him and you anyway.

abovedecknotbelow · 13/09/2022 12:20

abovedecknotbelow · 13/09/2022 12:20

I'm not sure you would think it was the appropriate thing to do? Don't contact her.

FFS not sure why....

SpicePearl · 13/09/2022 12:20

I would only get in touch if you had something to share that might benefit her. A nice story about him when he was younger or something like that. A condolences card isn’t going to mean too much at this stage and she doesn’t want to hear about your emotions around his death. if it is about processing your own reaction then I think you need to find another way to do this.

BamBamBilla · 13/09/2022 12:21

Sounds like you would be doing this for you not her.

TheOnlyBeeInYourBonnet · 13/09/2022 12:22

No way.

Cinnabomb · 13/09/2022 12:22

This actually sounds bonkers to me, and quite selfish of you. Don’t do it.

KitsilanoBeach · 13/09/2022 12:22

Thank you all, that seems unanimously helpful! Yes that was my concern @LegoFiends I will leave her be, and make a donation to a charity related to his illness or the hospice where he died.

OP posts:
nachoavocado · 13/09/2022 12:22

Leave her be

TwigTheWonderKid · 13/09/2022 12:23

Omg absolutely no. I totally get why you feel the way you do, you never forget your first love and also his death creates a bit of an existential crisis in you too; you mourn your the loss of carefree self, all the possible alternative lives you might have had etc.

But this has got nothing to do with his widow who actually lived a life with him and had her future with him snatched away and you contacting her will not be consoling.

FiveShelties · 13/09/2022 12:23

No please do not do that. You have no idea how much it may upset her.

AmberGer · 13/09/2022 12:23

You know he had died from googling him. But up until that point you thought he was alive.
Lots of affairs start when old flames, or first loves get in touch with each other out of the blue many years down the line.
She may think you had ulterior motives for trying to find him.
Leave her alone. I don't think you would be well received.

SeaToSki · 13/09/2022 12:24

I think its a lovely idea. I would put in some fun memories of him when he was a teenager. Most people I know who have lost someone have loved to receive messages with stories about them as it helps to keep their memory alive.
I wouldnt make much of your relationship and I would keep all the stories positive or funny.

XelaM · 13/09/2022 12:25

Why not? I don't get all the people saying "no". Why not?

Thepeopleversuswork · 13/09/2022 12:26

I'm going to go against the grain here. I don't think it will necessarily upset her, as long as its couched in genuine concern for her and her family, rather than about you and your first love.

I think if you sent a compassionate and kind note as a former friend of her husband's expressing your condolences it would be a kind and nice gesture and I would be surprised if she found that upsetting.

But I definitely wouldn't describe yourself as his "first love". That would be selfish.

SmileyClare · 13/09/2022 12:27

Come on! You were his girlfriend for a few months at age 14 and haven't been in touch for decades.

Your comments; "you both loved him" "You were his first love" "his death has affected you" and so on make me think you've got carried away having a nosey online and caught up in his sad story. It's a little self absorbed, sorry.

Don't intrude on his wife's grief.

Sapphire387 · 13/09/2022 12:30

I think it is fine so long as you frame yourself as an 'old friend' and have good memories to share from his teenage years. It may well bring comfort to her. I don't think you should put anything about romance or first love.

girlmom21 · 13/09/2022 12:30

Thepeopleversuswork · 13/09/2022 12:26

I'm going to go against the grain here. I don't think it will necessarily upset her, as long as its couched in genuine concern for her and her family, rather than about you and your first love.

I think if you sent a compassionate and kind note as a former friend of her husband's expressing your condolences it would be a kind and nice gesture and I would be surprised if she found that upsetting.

But I definitely wouldn't describe yourself as his "first love". That would be selfish.

Aside from anything else, he died 3 years ago. I'd find it strange to receive a letter 3 years later.

erinaceus · 13/09/2022 12:30

I think if you frame his and your relationship as a friendship and mention your fond memories of him - perhaps a funny, characteristic anecdote that she might not know - then it is rather lovely. But if you feel the need to describe him as your first love, then it sounds rather as if you are working out your own grief and not supporting her.