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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to contact my first love's widow

283 replies

KitsilanoBeach · 13/09/2022 12:16

I had my first proper boyfriend/first kiss/first love when I was 14/15. I’m fairly sure I was his first girlfriend and first kiss too.

It only lasted a few months but I was besotted and we used to write each other love letters (no emails/texting back then, and we went to different schools in the same town but lived quite far from each other).

He then dumped me - I don’t think I ever knew why, he was a nice guy and not a player - and broke my heart. Our paths didn’t really cross again, although he did send me a letter when I was about 17 apologising for what happened (a friend of mine had bumped into him and told him “Kitsilano hates you!” which wasn’t true, but anyway – teens, eh?).

I have from time to time wondered what happened to him and had idly googled him but without any success – he has a reasonably common name. It was only recently that I thought to google him and the name of the small village he grew up in and I immediately came across an obituary for him, reporting that he had died in 2019 after a long battle with cancer. He was quite successful in his chosen career so there were a couple of obituaries in national publications, and in addition his wife (now widow) is a professional writer who has written at length about his illness and her subsequent bereavement.

Even though I hadn’t seen or heard from him in decades I have felt quite affected by his death, both because of what he meant to me for a brief time but also I suppose because it is always hard to think about people dying so young.

I am tempted to reach out to his widow to offer my condolences, but I just can’t work out if this would be inappropriate and not welcomed by her. Both because it is now a number of years since he died, but also because she may not want to hear from an ex-girlfriend, even though it was just a teen romance from many years before they met.

I also suspect that she will have been contacted by many other people who have been bereaved/widowed young and who could relate to what she has written and wanted to share their own experiences with her, and perhaps it is all a bit much for her. She may also now be in a different place (although from her more recent writing online I do not get the impression she has found anyone else, although she may just have chosen not to write about it).

But on the other hand, she might like to hear from someone else who has fond memories of her late husband and at the end of the day we both loved him, (albeit I'm not of course comparing my relationship with hers).

I don’t think there is a right answer but am really torn, and would welcome views particularly from anyone who has suffered a similar bereavement if you feel able to share them.

YABU – do not contact the widow, leave her be
YANBU – it’s fine to contact the widow to offer condolences

OP posts:
Dontmakeher · 13/09/2022 15:42

this news is raw and fresh for you but...

dawngreen · 13/09/2022 15:42

Your feelings are your own nothing to do with any one else. But don't contact her. She may start to wonder if you have had contact with him longer. Give to a charity , or go to a place that meant some thing to you. Then move on.

Survey99 · 13/09/2022 15:50

at the end of the day we both loved him

You are over romanticising a few weeks in the life of a child and her first boyfriend. This would all be for a trip down memory lane for your benefit not hers, leave her to grieve with her and his family and friends without having to deal with a fantasist.

Mangogogogo · 13/09/2022 15:53

I wouldn’t like this if I was the widow

SarahSissions · 13/09/2022 16:02

God no. And I hope it isn’t identifiable from the description you’ve posted here

Kitchenlight · 13/09/2022 16:02

I initially said YANBU but I've changed my mind reading the replies - this is about you not her.
it's made me think about my first love though and our ten year relationship and how I will not really be able to grieve with anyone important to him about it when he dies.

it must be awful for OW and OM too. Locked out of grief.

Riverlee · 13/09/2022 16:04

Maybe send a generic ‘sorry for your loss’ if you feel you need to send something, with a comment about knowing him as a teen. However, anything more would be indulgent.

What you consider was life’s great romance was an intense, teenage crush,Which meant more to you then him.

Riverlee · 13/09/2022 16:06

Sorry, just re-read he died in 2019, not just now. Too late to send a card.

ReneBumsWombats · 13/09/2022 16:23

at the end of the day we both loved him, (albeit I'm not of course comparing my relationship with hers).

Of course you are. That's what you've just done right before denying you're doing it. It's the reason you want to contact her. To have her validate your feeling that your pain is comparable to hers and that you somehow shared ownership of him. That you have some similar status to widowhood for him.

You're entitled to your feelings. You are not entitled to impose yourself and those feelings upon utter strangers to get this kind of validation.

Why are you still hung up on a guy you went out with for a few months as a teenager?

lunar1 · 13/09/2022 16:28

I wouldn't have wanted to hear all that when I was in her position.

BecauseICan22 · 13/09/2022 16:28

No. You were not in a 'relationship', you were kids and this is not at all relevant to his widow.

Maintain and respectful distance and get on with your life.
Light a candle or something for him if you must.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 13/09/2022 17:06

Hi OP

I am recently widowed - I was with my DP for 11 years, we met when we were both 42, and we both had multiple relationships in our past, which we talked about like grown ups - it was never an issue.

My DP was well known and popular in our local scene, and one of the hardest things has been dealing with people who “knew” him in whatever capacity who were “devastated” and looked to me for support.

It got to a point where I almost couldn’t remember our life together under the weight of other peoples feelings and memories.

Believe me I have tried to be gracious - his ex wife and I walked hand in hand behind the hearse to the graveside as we were all “friends” but she has since left me alone, other than keeping up with my social media - she has her grief, I have mine.

My heart did a little irrational flip when I saw your thread - DP spoke fondly to me of one of his first teenage “loves” with whom he had lost contact, and for a horrible moment…… but I am not a professional writer, and his cancer was undiagnosed when it just brutally took him. Yes, an irrational response, but grief makes you irrational and defensive….

So from my perspective, however well meaning you think you’re being, don’t. For the widow in this case, it may be three years down the line, and she may appear composed, but I don’t think she’d appreciate it.

I have the curse of gallows humour - I have joked about the “bingo card” of weird / awkward / occasionally down right offensive things that have cropped up during the last 8 tortuous months - I have two squares left - one is an unknown “other woman” of any stripe, although I do feel it’s unlikely as we were pretty solid despite the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune - the other is a young person turning up who thinks he’s their Dad - although I also think this unlikely as he was adamant he didn’t want children of his own and took every precaution……

I honestly don’t think I could take it if one of his first loves turned up to “share my grief” , even further down the line.

So in answer to your question please don’t.

Flumpymc · 13/09/2022 18:09

Have you seen this OP? You're in the 'others' section.

to contact my first love's widow
Anonymouseposter · 13/09/2022 18:12

I am widowed. I would NOT like this. It's a bad idea.

Antarcticant · 13/09/2022 18:13

Flumpymc · 13/09/2022 18:09

Have you seen this OP? You're in the 'others' section.

I don't understand that diagram - can you explain what it means?

ReneBumsWombats · 13/09/2022 18:24

Antarcticant · 13/09/2022 18:13

I don't understand that diagram - can you explain what it means?

It means that everyone in each circle can dump on those outside of it but should only be supportive of, and focused on, those further in. OP is a complete stranger to the widow, wasn't any part of her life with the deceased, and should stay away from her and grieve elsewhere.

Antarcticant · 13/09/2022 18:26

ReneBumsWombats · 13/09/2022 18:24

It means that everyone in each circle can dump on those outside of it but should only be supportive of, and focused on, those further in. OP is a complete stranger to the widow, wasn't any part of her life with the deceased, and should stay away from her and grieve elsewhere.

Thank you Rene - makes sense now.

Lemondrizzle77 · 13/09/2022 18:28

This is for your sense of closure not hers. Totally inappropriate

Brigante9 · 13/09/2022 18:33

You’d be doing it for you, not her. Don’t do it.

crosbyrose · 13/09/2022 18:40

This exact scenario happened to my mum recently. She’s the widow and was contacted by her husbands girlfriend from many years ago who said he was her first love. They went for coffee. My mum thought it was a bit weird but quite enjoyed meeting her as a one off I think.

hewouldwouldnthe · 13/09/2022 18:47

Leave it.

Nanny0gg · 13/09/2022 19:13

You do all know she said by 12.30 that she wasn't going to do it?

Ever thought of reading the OP's updates?

mam0918 · 13/09/2022 19:57

economicervix · 13/09/2022 13:35

‘Hello complete stranger, I was googling your dead husband and inexplicably feel entitled to inform you I kissed him when we were teenagers. Cheers.’

The fact you’d even consider this shows a lack of self awareness and comprehension of human behaviour. Really, really weird.

This no matter how its worded this is what anything OP writes really says.

Stupid lines like 'we both loved him' also make is a blatent attempt to make this womans loss all about the OP when this person is nothing but a stranger in a faded memory who she LITRALLY didnt even know if he was dead or alive for the past few decade so.

She has 'lost' nothing and her memory remains exactly the same and this man remains not in her life exactly as before... nothing changed.

fluffiphlox · 13/09/2022 20:03

Good God no. Very weird that you’re even thinking about it.

Hymnulop · 13/09/2022 20:11

Going against the grain OP but I would actually like to hear from you in this position. Find out more about his teen years, it would be interesting and would welcome your condolences.