‘Single parent’ status misrepresenting reality

[Rainycitydweller]

AIBU to be so infuriated by so called ‘single mums’ who actually co parent their child/children with a responsible ex partner , have more independence and less responsibility than cohabiting parents and a reliable maintenance payment every month but who wear their status when it suits to suggest they are someone how disadvantaged? Not only is it insulting and disrespectful to the invisible on SM etc co-parent, playing up to the connotation they are a bit shit or neglectful, but it also totally undermines actual lone parents (and their children)genuinely struggling to survive parenthood completely unsupported as well as any parents who have responsibility for their kids 24/7 with no weekends off etc ?
I appreciate co-parenting is not easy but it’s totally different to having sole responsibility in every way for your children.

I call myself a sole parent. I am a lone parent, but "lone" to me sounds lonely!
I work more than full-time in a stressful role, and obviously am 100% responsible for everything. I have a great nanny who minds my twins while I work - she's the glue that keeps the whole show running.

Being a lone parent is hard, but I think there are some advantages (no issues with an ex or in-laws / I can decide everything, etc).

@HumptyDumpty2022 too damn right I am proud of being a single parent and raising my children to adulthood with little to kids input from their dad. I also did so whilst qualifying myself in profession after we split and building a career. It was bloody hard doing it on my own and fucking sure I am proud of myself.

I made a decision not to have a relationship until my kids were adults as their dad and his partner brought enough problems to the table for my kids.

Why shouldn't I be proud of being a single parent?

@Andromachehadabadday
The set up doesn’t automatically prove you (not you specifically m, a general you) have it better or worse. I went 3 years without a night off. But, it was easier than when exh was involved. He emotionally damaged my children and actively cause me more problems and higher costs. In my situation, it was easier. But it’s not the same for everyone. They may have someone co parenting who actually parents so it’s easier than being completely alone.
I agree, my parents have lived overseas for most of my child's life. I have been a lone parent for 11 years. It's still been easier than when his father was in the picture.

If it’s genuine it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

In the situation I’ve been witness to it’s made up by a terminal ‘victim’ who is very far from a single parent, seeking validation that she’s so hard done by.

Co-parent implies you're doing it together whereas I'd very much like my abusive twat of an ex to eff off, far, far away.

Just because I get EOW off, doesn't mean it's "easier". I'd rather that than what I have to tolerate at the moment.

And I am proud too. Left an abusive relationship, did a Masters, got a great job, and am buying us a house.

No dodgy boyfriends here and she comes first. We aren't one clump of people to be felt sorry for!

@HumptyDumpty2022 what you actually said was

But hey, if single parenting is a badge of honour to be swung around at all available opportunities fill your boots! Not a term I’d be proud of!

Can you please explain what you meant by that? I'm very proud of the teen single parent. It's certainly not something I'm ashamed of.

"Swung around"? For what purpose?! I don't understand.

YANBU. I know someone who’s ex has the child 2 nights per week and EOW. He pays maintenance and half the nursery fees. She tells everyone how hard it is for her being a single parent. I think she has a pretty good amount of time off!

Can't see why it matters tbh. People can identify as what they want.

One billion per cent. DH's ex wears her single parent label like a badge of honour. She's not a fucking single parent, she's a co-parent and got EOW to do exactly as she pleased

co-parenting 2 days a fortnight? Are you for fucking real? 2 days out of 14 to do what you want? Why does that bother you so much? So bitter.

I know someone who’s ex has the child 2 nights per week and EOW. He pays maintenance and half the nursery fees. She tells everyone how hard it is for her being a single parent. I think she has a pretty good amount of time off!

so the bitterness here is because a parent gets some time off? Why do you get to judge what is a ‘pretty good amount of time off’ if you’re not the one doing everything on your own the rest of the time?

My ‘time off’ has always been spent working.

Those 4 days a month must really help.

I assume you perfect husband also helps with homework, pays a decent amount towards the kids, knows where they a registered at a dentist, I could go on 🙄

Neither term works for everyone. I wouldn't say I co-parent as my ex hasn't seen the kids in about a year, but he does pay regular maintenance. I've started saying lone rather than single parent now that I'm in a relationship, because single doesn't quite work but we don't live together so I'm still doing all the parenting on my own.

It seems more like you're annoyed with those who weaponise the term than the term itself though?

I assume you perfect husband also helps with homework, pays a decent amount towards the kids, knows where they a registered at a dentist, I could go on

you’re saying that to me?

It wasn’t just two days out of 14, it was 5 which included EOW. Plus maintenance at a much higher level than CMS dictated -
she had it good but wanted to be a victim, still does. She wasn’t a single parent and it undermines those that are.

@bbcdefg ive detailed all I’m going to and certainly don’t need to explain anything to you.

I co-parent but co-parents do not get any ‘maintenance’ as you claim. Co-parenting
mothers are not legible for ‘maintenance payments’. One female salary is not great and we definitely spend more money on childcare and live on a single salary

This OP is very mean, offensive and anti-feminist, please remove her from mumsnet, she should be on fathers-rights/ male-rights net

Absolute rubbish, and you know it. Stop making things up, you're making yourself look very silly.

she had it good but wanted to be a victim, still does. She wasn’t a single parent and it undermines those that are

single parents are victims?

and why do think you get to define someone else’s situation/life/what works for them? We are living in a world where we back a person with a penis calling themselves a woman but we don’t allow women to define their own identity? It’s crazy.

@Givenuptotally

Yes. I this was aimed at you.

EOW is roughy 4 nights a months, depending on how many weeks in a month. It's hardly father of the year material is it

I am not and never will be ashamed of being a single parent. I don't "swing it around" in any way. I just get on with being a single parent.

Why I wouldn't be proud of that and why others think I should not be proud of myself is beyond me

Yes greed. I was confused about all the press describing Adele as a ‘single parent’ after her divorce when her ex lived across the road and they share custody. Bears no resemblance to an actual single parents experience. Co-parent is the right word.