My neighbors...

[neighbourcrazy]

Hey all, am i being unreasonable? we live in a nice area, houses were not expensive, but that is to give context. We live in a detached residence, all other neighbors are semi-d.
So, not sure what is going on. One neighbour rents, others are owners. We got on reasonably well with all neighbors, we have a baby who is less than 2 years old.
During the summer, there was a basketball hoop placed outside on the public space, we live in a cul de sac, so it was in an awkward place but we let it go. However, the basketball was being played day and late into evening. My little girl needs to have her naps and I work from home. I asked the neighbors (the 2 different parents of the kids who were playing basketball (aged between 10-16)) could they ask kids to not play after 7 pm in evening due to sleep time for my baby. I am the only one with a baby. I was received with bitterness and intimidation by one set of parents, nothing said but extremely intimidating behaviour like staring in my window while walking past etc. I dont usually let things get to me as I do believe their behaviour is more about them than me. So I let it slide.
Now the other parents who obliged to the 7 pm cut off, have stopped bringing in my bins, they bring in all the other neighbors bins but leave ours outside, this has been a few weeks. Again, I don't really care but can someone explain to me what the heck is going on? Was I really being unreasonable asking for the noise to stop at 7pm? It was non stop all day which i didnt mind but night time for my baby is important. I'd like to hear opinions please.

Looks like I'm in the minority here but I think YANBU. I have misophonia and this would drive me absolutely flipping INSANE. My neighbors in our block of flats put up a darts board during lockdown and we could sometimes hear the constant, repetitive thudding until 2am. It nearly drove me psychotic. So I totally sympathize.
The fact that they're also bouncing stuff onto your house and car, have other places to go within walking distance and have refused to move the post elsewhere? I think they're being utterly selfish and inconsiderate.
I have nothing to suggest really other than reporting to the council, though that will obviously make things worse with your neighbours. If you don't want to move your baby into a different room then try white noise, it can be surprisingly good at blocking the sound out.

I like the sound of children playing in the evening, specially on a bright summers day. Its cosy and communal and what i grew up with. You can't expect total silence, im pregnant now with my first and even I know babies need noise, not least because if i have a second i cant expect the first to be silent for all its naps.

And dont think just because youre detached that people cant hear your baby. Throughout june, july and August when it was hot we had our front bedroom windows open where we sleep and could hear the baby all hours of the night (im a light sleeper) accross the road from us as thdy had their windows open. Its part ans parcel of not living remotely. I just took it as good practice for myself

YABU to ask that children stop play at 7pm.
YANBU to be annoyed about the noise of balls banging against your door/window/car.
I think you've gone a bit awry with it all though OP. Your neighbours, and MN, would probably be more supportive if this what you would have opened with rather than the noise potentially disturbing your baby.
The real issue is understandable, the second makes you sound a bit precious.

Is it possible to put a fence up or some sort of netting around the hoop to stop the balls from going into your garden?

These are the same neighbours who you'll be asking for forgiveness when your teenage daughter is having parties and coming home pissed in a few years. Let everyone live their lives. If you want quiet, its on you to move your baby to a quieter room or house.

Oh Mumsnet......

I'm on your side - although did think that babies sleep is not usually disturbed - they just nod off don't they?
[I've only had one - a long time ago - and she slept through most things.]
I do not think that they should claim the "communal" space, that's what the main problem is. And basketball is not a quiet pastime, either. Communal space does not equate to basketball court, or play park - whether or not it disturbs someone.

You will know by now that people who do this, will not respond nicely to a request for consideration. it has taken me quite some time NOT to want to ask someone to think of other people.... Most recently, I got caught up in an exchange between my neighbours (they are in flats on one side, I have a joined-on house on the other side of me. The lower neighbour was harassing the upper, and although I know and am "friendly" with the lower one, my association with her has rubbed off, and most people dislike me too (as well as other reasons I should imagine). She turned to me and said," "And what have you got to say?" I told her she was being harassed - but then mentioned I don't especially like the small of weed - which she smokes, out of her upstairs french doors and two feet away on the other side of the fence. Her response was, it doesn't smell bad, and lots of people do it (rolls eyes) - I so WISH that I had said, "If is smells so nice, why don't you close your doors and shut yourself in with it?" But of course, I thought of that response hours later.
I am now lighting incense sticks that I set on the wall (she cannot see), as many as three when I get a whiff.
Passive-aggressive is sometimes the only way.

Where I lived before, a nice quiet country village cul-de-sac, of whom about 11 or 12 were chummy, there was Bin Monitor, as I referred to him. Always ALWAYS mine was left out, and everyone else's away. Very sad. But I learnt not to care. I didn't even know him.

I hope you can do something about it though - as "Living and Letting Live", usually means that someone is getting walked all over.

Ok OP - if there wasn't such a massive drip feed, you may have gotten different answers.

Dictating when kids can play outside - YABU
Being irritated by balls constantly hitting your car/property etc despite being asked to stop - YANBU

Whilst I understand how you feel about the noise it is unreasonable to ask them to stop playing at 7pm. You live in a neighbourhood with lots of different families with kids in different ages. It's not fair that your family's need should go before everyone else's. When you live like you do you have to accept that there will be kids that does not have the same bedtime as your child does and will be out playing when your child is sleeping.

I've never lived near a street with a basketball hoop. However, round the corner from where I live (council cul de sac) there's a basket ball hoop - against the back wall of the estate just leading onto sort of wasteland. This is/was used constantly been teenagers especially in the recent hot weather.

Just up the road some ex NDNs (renters) have moved to another cul de sac - where there's a combo of private renters/detached/semis and a basketball hoop against one wall. Lots of the houses have gates and drives though.

One of the reasons the NDNs moved there was because they have 2 young boys who like to play out safely (their dad actually organised a safe street play area in our street when they lived there).

I honestly think really you should let this go - maybe a 9.30/10pm limit on weekends and an 8.30/9pm on weekdays.

You do get used to noise. I'm used to living in a very quiet street and I've had NDNs who constantly have loud parties (and some down the road) but either there's an agreement that it's a residential street and notice given, or there's not.

NDNs who rent got a sauna over lockdown but with energy costs this is being turned off (yay!) and one NDN has been away every other week (not working currently) most of the summer but beforehand they were out a lot, partying in their gardens. Not a lot I could do about it after a while, and I did actually move to a front room (where a bit quieter and darker). Funnily enough the owner of the house popped in recently when visiting from abroad (they're still undecided whether to move back) and commented he thought it was selfish of them to have so many parties, at their ages (ha!) and they should be more considerate!

When my eldest dc was a baby, we lived in a terrace, next door to a concert pianist who played his instrument loudly at all hours. It did wake the baby sometimes but I never thought to complain! Eventually we moved house. I suggest you do the same.

You are ridiculous OP. Why should everyone be quiet after 7 because of your baby?!

this is one of those AIBU. Everyone says yes you are. OP stamps feet saying no I’m not! Get a grip!

I think I would have asked if they could move the hoop so the ball wasn’t banging against the house, or asked if they could be a bit more careful. I would ask my own kids to be careful of windows etc

We live in a similar situation to yours but ours has all the back gardens backing onto each other. One is an older couple and their dogs. One is a mother and son and their two yappy dogs. The rest (3) are all youngish families with footy mad kids. One has a young baby too.

Life pretty much revolves around the kids playing footy in their gardens. It bounces off fences, into goals and into my garden quite often. The kids come around and ask for it back and i ALWAYS answer with a smile and offer to chuck it back over. I absolutely appreciate good manners and believe kids need to be exercising and having fun.

Now, over the summer holidays this can go from 9am to 9pm, sometimes later. But now it calms down with the weather and the dark. But i have had a few evening gatherings with friends. Had music going on an evening when the young baby is trying to sleep. Had bbq when possibly the neighbours kid hasnt appreciated the smoke.

Not once have i complained and not once have they complained. Its life in a housing estate and if you dont like it then you need to purchase somewhere else more suitable.

Having issues with a basket ball hoop indeed.

Hahaha, oh the irony.

The only issue I can see is that the basketball shouldn’t be in a public space , so they should move it to their own garden and play it as often as they want but no later than I’d say 9pm because it’s simply not there problem you have a baby that you haven’t taught to sleep through a bird farting. They are legally allowed to do in there garden as they wish and you are no more entities because you have a baby that needs sleep and when baby’s older and playing outside you’ll see why your being so unreasonable. Complain about it being in public so they move it into their own space and enjoy themself whenever they want legally and take your own bins in. That’s your only solution. The world never will revolve around your child’s sleep schedule

OP the real issue is that the cut off time you requested is far too early. 7 is very early for teens. 9 would have been much more sensible. My teen would go mental if i made them be quiet after 7. (Not that i would, its an unreasonable request). Likely you have caused the parents more agro than the teens were causing you and your child. Your baby is just another baby on the street. The teens were babies at one point too and i highly doubt your DNs asked people to be quiet after 7. I think you have a bit of PFB syndrome going on, not critism, many of us have been there. Just maybe take a step back from your baby bubble and try see the big picture. Yabu

OP I mean this in the nicest way a few years time your child will be the one out playing making a lot of noise and possibly annoying some other family. Your baby needs to learn to sleep through noise as life still goes on and 7pm is not actually late in the summer holidays. I don’t agree with them being rude to you but you are going to now be known as that neighbour.

I have 3 kids. All of whom learned to sleep through noise. The just turned 3 year old was often asleep at 7.30 pm in the summer when neighbours kids (and sometimes my older kids) were out running around and making noise till 10 pm some nights. There kids having fun let them.

This is posted as someone whose next door neighbours have a basketball net as do about 4 other neighbours. It’s very close to my 3 years old bedroom. He slept through the noise as he learned too.

I've just come back from Spain where they are so much more tolerant of kids. I can't stand the "seen and not heard" attitude brits generally seem to have. 9pm in a restaurant? Absolutely, here have a lolly. Child running around the cafe whilst their parents eat? You bet! Children loudly playing in public place? How fun! Not the constant bloody judging and sighing and complaining about "consideration" and "entitled parents". Just a nation of people who appreciate children express themselves differently to adults but are an equal member of society.

As much as I support kids having as much fun and free play as humanly possible and I don't care about hearing it, the constant noise of a basket ball bouncing of the road or any hard surface would definitely get the better of me. I don't blame the OP for being pissed off if it's going on for hours.

The ball is non stop coming into my garden, hitting off my car (setting off the car alarm more than once) and hitting off the downstairs front windows and doors

I would have let with this tbf... rather than stop your children playing after 7 pm due to waking up baby, and asked the neighbours to come up with some solutions like moving it to a place where they don't keep coming into your garden or setting off the car alarm. And ask what would happen if your car/windows were damaged/broken. Is there any damage to plants in the garden due to the incursions?

I think that people would see potential property damage and possibly having to pay for it as far more compelling.

As its now getting dark in the evenings, it would have tailed off naturally.

I’m with OP on this on, constant bouncing of a basketball off a road is horrific to the point I would never buy one for our kids after their last one got lost, I can’t stand the noise let alone subjecting my poor neighbours to it 😱

I thought your neighbours were being a bit petty stopping with the bins, but the more you post the more I'm on their side Yanvu and pfb.

If they have really done that, then you can report it to the relevant council department, it would be Street Services at my local council.

But there will probably be other noises. Previous posters are right in that your baby does need to get used to going to sleep when there is noise whether from in your house (I bet you tiptoe round and don't flush tje loo!!) or outside.

And in a few years you will realise that expecting kids to stop playing at 7pm in the summer is unreasonable.

I’m on your side with this OP - there are few noises quite as irritating as a repetitive thud-thud-thud of a ball - plus whatever noise the kids make (because nobody plays basketball silently do they). Why can’t they put the hoop in one of their own gardens, at least then you’re not likely to have your house/car damaged

7pm is too early, I'd have told you no. But I also wouldn't let the ball constantly bounce off your property. Though I wonder if that's actually happening since you only posted about the noise at first.
I wonder, do the council actually do anything if you complain. They used to come and put up big No Ball Games signs wherever we played. We just turned the game into trying to knock the letters off the sign with the ball. Bonus points if you could get it to just say All Games 🤣