My neighbors...

[neighbourcrazy]

Hey all, am i being unreasonable? we live in a nice area, houses were not expensive, but that is to give context. We live in a detached residence, all other neighbors are semi-d.
So, not sure what is going on. One neighbour rents, others are owners. We got on reasonably well with all neighbors, we have a baby who is less than 2 years old.
During the summer, there was a basketball hoop placed outside on the public space, we live in a cul de sac, so it was in an awkward place but we let it go. However, the basketball was being played day and late into evening. My little girl needs to have her naps and I work from home. I asked the neighbors (the 2 different parents of the kids who were playing basketball (aged between 10-16)) could they ask kids to not play after 7 pm in evening due to sleep time for my baby. I am the only one with a baby. I was received with bitterness and intimidation by one set of parents, nothing said but extremely intimidating behaviour like staring in my window while walking past etc. I dont usually let things get to me as I do believe their behaviour is more about them than me. So I let it slide.
Now the other parents who obliged to the 7 pm cut off, have stopped bringing in my bins, they bring in all the other neighbors bins but leave ours outside, this has been a few weeks. Again, I don't really care but can someone explain to me what the heck is going on? Was I really being unreasonable asking for the noise to stop at 7pm? It was non stop all day which i didnt mind but night time for my baby is important. I'd like to hear opinions please.

Oh dear op, you should have understood that all posters on MN want a large basketball hoop outside with constant ball bouncing, other noise, balls hitting windows, cars and garden plants because you just suck it up. I have lived next door to a lad and his mates who constantly kicked footballs at a garage door until around 10 pm at night. It is the on edge feeling of waiting for it to begin each day.

We eventually put our house for sale, not for this particular reason, but his dm was the first to ring to ask if she had upset us in any way and had she caused us to move. No, just keep on pissing all the neighbours off. Might not go as well with the new ones.

Perhaps a 7 pm finish was a bit early op but you already have to listen to the noise all day. Its your instinct to do the right thing for your baby as well. Why are your child's needs less important. It shouldn't be out on the road and if it is so very precious to them all, why don't they re-site it? Perhaps on their own driveway or back garden, no obstruction then and they can listen to their kids having a happy time.

Forget about the bins thing, they are just sending you a message not to mess with their kids.

If it's a public space, it's not up to you to "allow" anything.

She says some parents have obliged, others haven't and give her death stares. I agree she's clouded the issue with the bins!

youre being over the top. 9pm, I could understand. Kids play, it’s been the summer break, parents don’t usually have capacity to take children to play parks constantly. How old are the children? Have they gone back to school now? If your baby can’t sleep through some noise which I assume is muffled by windows being closed, you need to work on that. Mine sleeps through ambulances going past our house (busy main road) with their sirens screeching, with the telly on, dogs barking etc.
i 100% guarantee that when your child is old enough they will do something that will annoy other people, it’s just the way it is. People just aren’t tolerant for the most part and kids can be irritating.
you’ve mentioned the obstruction in the road, and if that is causing you and other neighbours an issue then report it to the relevant authority.
p.s. I bring my neighbours bins in if I pass them and they’re still out after collection but I couldn’t give two hoots if they bring mine in - it’s a non issue.

OP i think a lot of neighbourly relations is in the way we ask for things and the way we approach things?

You've been pretty forthright on here so if that's how you've spoken to your neighbours then I'm not surprised at their response. Plus as kids we always used to love playing outside the grumpy neighbours house -you've made a rod for your own back here?

It's not necessarily too late to fix. Build some bridges and you'll find they're reasonable people -maybe there is a compromise that can be reached?

Your having a baby in no way automatically trumps their having teenagers. It's about give and take?

Ah drip feed, I should have read all of the updates
But...it does comes across as though you're looking down on others re:your comments
And your bins are your own responsibility 🤷‍♀️

Thanks for all the replies. I can see there are many differing opinions and I appreciate that. And I have my own opinion and more important my feelings too.
Other people's kids can do what they want and when they want but not when my property is being damaged. If I put up a fence and not give the balls back (which I would give them back) I would be called something else by you all, who seem to think I am not a nice neighbor. I just asked could the ball stop after 7pm (i also asked many times of the kids to stop hitting my car / flowers / pot plants / windows and doors) but these all go ignored. So, I may be unreasonable to ask for it to stop after 7 but the reason is for all of these issues.

You are not being unreasonable in asking the parents to ask the children to not let the ball bang on your door / windows (although your OP didn't say that).

You are being unreasonable to expect them to not play outside past 7pm. The ball banging on the pavement, is reasonable

We eventually put our house for sale, not for this particular reason, but his dm was the first to ring to ask if she had upset us in any way and had she caused us to move. No, just keep on pissing all the neighbours off. Might not go as well with the new ones.

ElsieMc Did you not mention the ball banging til 10pm at all? I would've.

It's a sillier argument that everyone else should change their lifestyle because you don't want to put your baby to sleep in a room away from the front of the house.

OP is getting a hard time due to the massive drip feed, tbh.
Sure, the noise is annoying. Life is noisy and annoying suck it up. And the fact that this isn't OPs first baby makes me wonder where they lived before.

The fact that you were U in the time you want them to stop, doesn't make them U in now not bothering to bring your bins in. Neihghbourliness goes both ways.

If there is damage to your property, etc it is totally reasonable to have a calm conversation with the kids the first time it happens, and then their parents if it continues. If it still continues, then report the illegal awful hoop, furely?

I think 7pm is a reasonable cut-off for noisy street play. If they really need to continue, let them go to a park.

get outta here. This is MN and children aren't allowed to the park without adult supervision until they're 97.

extremely intimidating behaviour like staring in my window while walking past

Get a grip.

You only mentioned the noise in your first post. For that YABU. If the ball is genuinely non-stop bouncing off your windows and walls then ask them to move the hoop. If they won't, then go to the council as it's obstruction.

It must be right outside your house to be causing that much of an issue though. If so then move it yourself.

Its pretty clear you are the nightmare neighbour.

your baby will have to learn to sleep with a bit of noise, rather than complete silence.

The kids playing out at 7pm is not an issue, i would much prefer children to be out, playing with the neighbours than inside on the ipads.

It sounds you had a lovely street, kids playing together, adults helping each other my brining in the bins etc. You have really damaged the neighbourly relationships by being a brat.

No, I think what other people on this thread think is that children should be allowed to play with a basketball hoop in a public space after 7pm.

Wow, what different responses to the thread where a neighbour had complained about a poster's kid shouting at a video game inside his own house!

All the replies on that one were about how the neighbour was totally within her rights to complain about the noise, and the poster should be parenting their child better.

But here, the poster is Mrs Bouquet, 'a nightmare neighbour', and 'a right brat' for being disrupted by the noise.

I wonder if the difference is that a basketball is seen as 'acceptable noise'? I think noise is noise. If one's unacceptable, so is the other.

If the play has been going on since noon, 7pm is not an unreasonable stopping point. It's not as though they are just nipping out for a game after dinner.

Constant, repetitive noise for hours on end is assaultive; just because it's kids
doesn't make it acceptable.

It sounds from your op that your neighbours have decided YWBU. I don't disagree with them.

From all your posts OP I can see that you have just come here to hear what you wanted to hear and now shocked to see that maybe what you have done is wrong? Imagine you lived across a main road, a dual carriage way, what would you have done? put a drive quietly sign on the road? I think you should use this opportunity to help your baby adapt to sound as you never know there might be a construction next door which would be louder than a basketball.

I used to give back balls but they refused to be more careful about squashing my perennials.

Now it's well known that i stab & bin any balls that land inside my fence. Oddly enough they found they actually CAN control where the balls go.

Call the council about the hoop. Let a parent have it on their driveway and enjoy the "it's just kids playing " earsplitting noise.

My DParents have a neighbour just like you OP. By gosh she's the butt of all jokes (and a nasty piece of work to boot).

Oh OP you have drip fed. YANBU not to want balls bouncing off your house and car. They need to move it further away but
YABU to expect play to stop at 7pm.

Quite frankly they should be more considerate in where they place the hoop.

Wow, what different responses to the thread where a neighbour had complained about a poster's kid shouting at a video game inside his own house!
All the replies on that one were about how the neighbour was totally within her rights to complain about the noise, and the poster should be parenting their child better.

that is an entirely different proposition though. I didn't see that thread - i bet there were some suggestions that the child play outside though instead of being on screens alday

I can see why it's annoying but your management of the situation was wrong. It's not your decision when children can play to. You would have been better to speak to neighbours about it and asked them for help rather than dictating. Now they have decided you are not a good neighbour.

I think the 7pm curfew is the issue here. You AND they need a different compromise. I know you said they declined to move the hoop, but I would revisit that.

Children's noise is part of life, playing out is the bonus of a cul-de-sac, but a ball hitting your car and house is not acceptable and they need to appreciate that.

FWIW my neighbours child is basketball obsessed and we have him hitting the backboard and hoops for hours at a time, often until late. I can now ignore it whilst I pray he leaves home

Now the other parents who obliged to the 7 pm cut off, have stopped bringing in my bins, they bring in all the other neighbors bins but leave ours outside, this has been a few weeks. Again, I don't really care but can someone explain to me what the heck is going on?

Obviously your request upset them and they are making that clear.

I do wonder if PP were correct and it would have been better to focus on balls banging windows and car alarms going off - as I doubt the parents would have like any potential bills that could have arisen.

Play out after 7 - well in summer in many places that's normal and it's not really neighbours problem you have a baby in a front room.

I suspect your request came across more as focused on your babies needs and expecting everyone else to cater - rather than actual annoyance of balls hitting your property. Again with removing hoop on public land - I'd have focused that on concern about their DC and cars even in quite road and possible come backs on them. So I suspect it's less asking and more how those requests came across.