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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My neighbors...

201 replies

neighbourcrazy · 12/09/2022 11:26

Hey all, am i being unreasonable? we live in a nice area, houses were not expensive, but that is to give context. We live in a detached residence, all other neighbors are semi-d.
So, not sure what is going on. One neighbour rents, others are owners. We got on reasonably well with all neighbors, we have a baby who is less than 2 years old.
During the summer, there was a basketball hoop placed outside on the public space, we live in a cul de sac, so it was in an awkward place but we let it go. However, the basketball was being played day and late into evening. My little girl needs to have her naps and I work from home. I asked the neighbors (the 2 different parents of the kids who were playing basketball (aged between 10-16)) could they ask kids to not play after 7 pm in evening due to sleep time for my baby. I am the only one with a baby. I was received with bitterness and intimidation by one set of parents, nothing said but extremely intimidating behaviour like staring in my window while walking past etc. I dont usually let things get to me as I do believe their behaviour is more about them than me. So I let it slide.
Now the other parents who obliged to the 7 pm cut off, have stopped bringing in my bins, they bring in all the other neighbors bins but leave ours outside, this has been a few weeks. Again, I don't really care but can someone explain to me what the heck is going on? Was I really being unreasonable asking for the noise to stop at 7pm? It was non stop all day which i didnt mind but night time for my baby is important. I'd like to hear opinions please.

OP posts:
Owlsinmybedroom · 12/09/2022 11:49

neighbourcrazy · 12/09/2022 11:47

What makes it ok for the parents to put an obstruction on a public road?

So if the kids were playing in their gardens, or on the roads without the baseball hoop after 7pm you would be fine with that?

Original poster
neighbourcrazy · 12/09/2022 11:49

No, please read my message, i said one family rent all other houses are owned. Giving context. But you obv think i have an issue with those who rent, let me clarify, I don't have an issue.

OP posts:
HappyHamsters · 12/09/2022 11:49

Why are you arguing, what do you want us to say, if you want to report this to the Council and the police then go ahead, thats your decision.

OldSkoool · 12/09/2022 11:50

neighbourcrazy · 12/09/2022 11:49

No, please read my message, i said one family rent all other houses are owned. Giving context. But you obv think i have an issue with those who rent, let me clarify, I don't have an issue.

I don't get why that's relevant?

Original poster
neighbourcrazy · 12/09/2022 11:50

Not a problem with that at all, they have big back gardens they can play in. Its the noise at the front and the ball constantly coming into my garden and hitting off the door and window is my issue.

OP posts:
Swingsarefun · 12/09/2022 11:53

In 10 years time your child is going to want to play out after 7pm. You’ll want them to play out after 7pm. It’s better than them sitting in front of a screen. If you want them to be able to play out after 7 in 10 years time, I suggest you drop your ridiculous’rules’ and learn to get on with your neighbours.

as everyone else has said, YABU!

Original poster
neighbourcrazy · 12/09/2022 11:53

Who says I am arguing!?!! I am simply stating my point of view. Why is everyone so defensive on this forum. I came on to ask a question and if you all think I am wrong that is entirely your opinion. I dont feel I am being unreasonable to ask for a basketball to stop after 7pm especially when it is banging all day, there are LOTS of other amenities that are in the area all within a 2 mins walking distance. But it seems the issue here is everyone thinks their children are entitled to do what they want, but as a mother myself, I am not allowed to ask for anything.

OP posts:
Keroppi · 12/09/2022 11:54

I mean if the ball is hitting your house then obviously that's a problem but otherwise I'm afraid YABU! It's a repetitive noise which is easy to ignore and the older kids wont play for long before becoming bored. It'll be winter soon. I'd let it go.

However it does sound quite difficult now they are ostracising you, maybe you need to have a quick chat and say sorry if there's any awkwardness, you are going through a regression and got a bit obsessed with babies sleep, I'm sure they remember it well etc.. If you want to of course!

Perhaps shut the window until later in the night and use a white noise machine in babies room but you would be surprised what they can sleep through!

Original poster
neighbourcrazy · 12/09/2022 11:55

Well if its not relevant, why does it bother you? you could have just skipped over it!!!!

OP posts:
mbosnz · 12/09/2022 11:55

Another classic example of someone asking if they're being unreasonable, being told they are, but it's everybody else that is unreasonable, not them. . .

Minfilia · 12/09/2022 11:55

It’s public space that they’re allowed to be in and you do sound a bit entitled to be honest. You’re expecting everyone around you to do exactly as you want because it suits you/your baby. It’s actually pretty controlling behaviour.

Do you really honestly think it’s reasonable to expect everyone around you to be quiet after 7pm just because you want them to?

ReadingFestival2022 · 12/09/2022 11:55

With all due respect OP, I think you need to pick your battles here. Kids playing in a cul de sac is a good thing. Those kids aren't getting into trouble and are out and about in the fresh air and keeping active.

I understand the ball coming into your garden occasionally might be an issue, but unless you live in a field, you're going to have neighbours balls coming over once in a while.

Baby needs to get used to sleeping with background noise - whatever that may be. Requesting silence is only making a rod for your own back.

One day your baby will want to play outside, and I'm sure you wouldn't want the neighbours putting restrictions on that?

Owlsinmybedroom · 12/09/2022 11:55

neighbourcrazy · 12/09/2022 11:50

Not a problem with that at all, they have big back gardens they can play in. Its the noise at the front and the ball constantly coming into my garden and hitting off the door and window is my issue.

Well then I suggest you are clearer with the parents about what the issue is

Expecting children to stop playing outside at 7pm is quite frankly bonkers and I'm amazed they have actually done this

Expecting children not to be hitting balls off your windows and doors is not quite so bonkers and is certainly something the parents should actively be discouraging

But you cannot stop children playing out the front and noise from the front although you can make a fuss about the equipment

Brefugee · 12/09/2022 11:56

I dont feel I am being unreasonable to ask for a basketball to stop after 7pm especially when it is banging all day, there are LOTS of other amenities that are in the area all within a 2 mins walking distance.

well you did change your story when everyone said you were BU so there you go. If it is going in your garden and bouncing off your windows? tell them to be more careful.

This is your first baby, isn't it? Look around this forum a bit and stop being so fussy. It is one thing to not want basketballs in your garden, it is completely another to throw your toys out of the pram because there is a wee bit of noise.

Heyisforhorses · 12/09/2022 11:57

The weather will change and the dark nights will soon be here, kids make noise when playing. If it was 9pm I'd say you were right but 7pm is a bit precious. You asked the question about being unreasonable you're being told and you're still arguing. Sometimes when you ask the question you have to accept you're in the wrong and stop.

Keroppi · 12/09/2022 11:57

Personally I would just ask them to move the basketball hoop so there is less chance of it bouncing off your windows/doors - that's the real issue you should be framing your requests around. They can play out after 7 but no balls hitting houses! And quiet after 10/11, obviously, as per council noise guidance

Bookworm777 · 12/09/2022 11:57

The constant thump-thump-thump of a ball being bounced in the road outside my house would drive me nuts, OP, so I don't blame you for being fed up or objecting to your toddler being woken when a stray ball hits your door and windows. If they won't move it or compromise, I'd report it to the council for blocking the highway.

That said, I might also grit my teeth and think about the long game. At some point your toddler is going to be old enough to play out in the cul-de-sac and will most likely make a heck of a lot of noise too, by which point their kids will be grown up and might even have left home. So, quid pro quo – you put up with it now, they have to put up with your kid's games too.

Original poster
neighbourcrazy · 12/09/2022 11:57

Yes, perhaps i missed this in my original post, The ball is non stop coming into my garden, hitting off my car (setting off the car alarm more than once) and hitting off the downstairs front windows and doors. My baby is upstairs with white noise but when the balls are hitting the outside of my house, no white noise can drown that out. I know babies need plenty of noise, that is not my point and I am not some delicate Mother.

OP posts:
Phos · 12/09/2022 11:58

No one is saying children are entitled to do what they want.

They're saying it's not unreasonable for them to be playing out after 7pm. In the case of your cul de sac, basketball is the game of choice.

Original poster
neighbourcrazy · 12/09/2022 11:58

It is not my first baby!!!!

OP posts:
mbosnz · 12/09/2022 11:58

I guess, ultimately, you don't feel you were being unreasonable, and that's fair enough. You've acted according to your lights.

It appears that your neighbours feel you have been unreasonable, and that's fair enough. And they're acting according to their lights. It seems they feel you have been less than neighbourly, and apparently are accordingly being less neighbourly to you.

Original poster
neighbourcrazy · 12/09/2022 11:59

So you dont allow other people's opinions.. but call it being Unreasonable instead.

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 12/09/2022 11:59

I am not some delicate Mother

I would have to disagree with you there. If you want silence for your precious child then move rurally, no one owes you anything.

Ariela · 12/09/2022 11:59

I think you are being bit precious about baby sleeping, in an ideal world you'll want your baby to sleep through a fair bit of noise otherwise you'll be tiptoeing around forever! Personally wouldn't bother me, as there will be times you want to whip the hoover out when baby is asleep, so it's far easier if baby learns to sleep when there IS noise......
'When it gets dark' or 9pm/10pm would have been far more reasonable if you really wanted to insist on asking a time.

Owlsinmybedroom · 12/09/2022 12:00

OP: AIBU
MN: Yes
OP: Not I'm not
MN: Yes you are
OP: Why are you all being so defensive!
MN: 🙄

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