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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I be worried about this neighbour?

229 replies

gonewithtthewind · 11/09/2022 07:58

Posting in this section as I wasn't sure where to post!

I dunno if I'm just being silly, pregnancy hormones could be playing a part in my worry!

I live in a cul de sac - the house which is opposite me to the right has an old man who lives there, I think he lives on his own but I'm honestly not sure. I've never spoken to him, a lot of my neighbours are older so they all do seem to talk to each other so I've kind of told myself if they aren't worried then I shouldn't be but I'm not sure?

Basically he always opens his blinds early in the morning, around 7am and doesn't shut them until really late. He also obviously has lights on at night time. He does have nurses go in sometimes but I'm honestly not sure how often that is. This sounds like I've been stalking him I know but you just pick up on these things, especially since I'm home all the time now!

The past 3 days he hasn't opened his blinds once, no windows have been opened, he hasn't been out to mow the grass (which he does multiple times a week) and no lights have been on. His security alarm is still flashing from 3 days ago when we had a power cut! I don't know if I'm just overthinking this? Like he could have gone on holiday? I don't know but he doesn't seem to have any family it seems and his car is still outside. I keep worrying something has happened to him! I think I'm going to go and ask the neighbours today when they're out because they do talk so surely theyd know if he's just on holiday or if we should be worried about him? I feel so silly and my partner has told me I'm overthinking it! Does anyone know if there is anything else I should or could do? Should I even be worried or am I just being silly?

OP posts:
NeckFanInSoftPlay · 11/09/2022 10:53

Fillystine · 11/09/2022 09:48

Definitely knock, I used to have a very private, reclusive older man who lived in a very overgrown house opposite mine, I noticed his garage door had been left open overnight and through the following day so went across to check, knowing he would be annoyed with me, but actually found him (after an extensive hunt through his jungle garden) having fallen off a ladder the day before, dislocated his hip, bashed his head and had been unable to get up for 24 hours (through a heavy rainstorm). Ended up with ambulance, air ambulance in the field behind and fire crews to cut the trees down to stretcher him out. Definitely check!! 🙂

Bloody hell, well done!

Ladyzfactor · 11/09/2022 10:56

I have to say it is very sweet of you to be concerned. When I read the title I was expecting it to be about a busy body who was reading something sinister about everyday activities and sticking their noses into others business.

gonewithtthewind · 11/09/2022 10:57

Spoke to the neighbours and they were also worried, tried to knock but no answer and tried to look through windows but can't see anything due to the blinds! Tried to get around the back but the gate had a lock on it so couldn't! Just waiting on the police to do a welfare check, really worried about him now and glad I didn't leave it 🙁 there was post all in the letter box and on the floor too.

OP posts:
LadyEloise1 · 11/09/2022 10:58

You are a lovely kind neighbour Flowers

DixonD · 11/09/2022 10:59

You’ve done the right thing OP. Don’t let others tell you you’ve been silly. I’d rather a few moments of feeling silly/embarrassed than having to deal with the fact I didn’t act when something was wrong.

I hope I have a neighbour like you when I’m old 😁

DixonD · 11/09/2022 10:59

I hope he’s ok, but it does sound worrying.

Whiteminnowfish · 11/09/2022 10:59

Oh gosh...now I am worried too.

You've done the right thing 👏 so well done on your part.

Hopefully he's just away on holiday x

Codingand36 · 11/09/2022 11:02

Oh no! 🫂 this reminds me of when I found my friend. Its so scary. Sending love. Well done OP x

AhCheeses · 11/09/2022 11:07

Oh no... that doesn't sound good.
Hopefully he's away visiting someone, or even in hospital.

You absolutely did the right thing.
So lovely of you to care for someone you've never even met.
It's people like you that make a street a community.

Wafflesnsniffles · 11/09/2022 11:18

Definitely worth checking on him. Dont worry it might be disturbing him.

Thistooshallpsss · 11/09/2022 11:24

Op it is never silly to be concerned for neighbours Sometimes it’s the people we live next to that can really help us or we can really help them. It is part of living in community.

zingally · 11/09/2022 11:36

Old people not opening their curtains is actually a recognisable signal that something is wrong!

I'd definitely go and knock, if no answer, go to the neighbours. If he's old and vulnerable, one of them may well have a key. Worse case scenario, call the police for a welfare check.

PinkiOcelot · 11/09/2022 11:39

Ahhhh. I hope he’s ok.

itsgettingweird · 11/09/2022 11:45

My thought was the alarm doesn't fit with curtains being closed for mourning.

What a lovely neighbour you are. Flowers

Trudij123 · 11/09/2022 11:47

Thank goodness you noticed - I’m worried too now!

hopefully the police will get inside and discover he’s off in the Bahamas or something

Crotonifolia · 11/09/2022 11:51

You did the right thing, hopefully he's not at home at the moment. But as it's such a change in routine, and he hasn't mentioned to other neighbours, a welfare check sounds the right thing to do.

ApolloandDaphne · 11/09/2022 11:51

You have done the right thing. He may be away or he may need help. Best to check in case it is the latter.

Sandra1984 · 11/09/2022 11:53

Call the police and tell them this story, ask them to do a welfare check on him. Not much else you can do. 🤷‍♀️

londonlass71 · 11/09/2022 11:54

Tabasco007 · 11/09/2022 08:14

Sorry, but why are you posting this here. The obvious thing to do is just to go and check, knock on his door to ask if he is ok, if he doesn't answer then knock on the neighbors doors. Don't wait till you happen to see them. Sorry
, but sometimes I think it's so weird some of the things people post. His pattern of behavior has changed, your concerned, go check.

The OP explained exactly why she was posting here. It's OK to post for reassurance. Nothing wrong with that.

HarpicHarpy · 11/09/2022 11:54

My dad was found dead on the bathroom floor. No one had been round for 4 days so no idea how long he was there. It makes me so sad to think of him alone and scared during his final moments so please always check on elderly neighbours.

londonlass71 · 11/09/2022 11:55

Let us know OP. I hope he is ok

WhenIgrowolder · 11/09/2022 11:57

Please check - my elderly DH was stuck in the bath and couldn't get out. Luckily his neighbour rang me as he had noticed his milk was still on the doorstep and I went round with neighbour and helped him out of the bath. He'd been there all night!

Sally090807 · 11/09/2022 11:57

If he’s an elderly gentleman I’m surprised it’s taken anyone 3 days to check in on him if there’s been no sign of him and the blinds haven’t been opened. I hope he’s ok.

PepperSprayFirstApologiseLater1 · 11/09/2022 11:59

Oh no. I'm glad you've called the police.

londonlass71 · 11/09/2022 12:01

HarpicHarpy · 11/09/2022 11:54

My dad was found dead on the bathroom floor. No one had been round for 4 days so no idea how long he was there. It makes me so sad to think of him alone and scared during his final moments so please always check on elderly neighbours.

Sorry to hear this. Were you away at the time?

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