SIL wants me to apologise to her DD

[cheathimsilly]

I took her DD to a film whilst my DS was at school. It was a baby friendly showing, to be specific here. My own (baby) DD came along

I bought sweets along but she wanted popcorn and I fancied some too, so we got a large popcorn and a drink to share

Within 15 minutes of the show starting, she said she was scared. I said it's fine, there's a lot of funny stuff. Sit tight and enjoy her treats etc

She said again 5 minutes later, I don't like it, I'm scared. I said please will you just give it a try? Low and behold, 5 minutes later she's giggling at some of the film and fine for the rest of it

Then the credits came up, and she said she was terrified! I said what of? She said the screens gone black

My niece is 7.

😂 this

You're both in the wrong. SIL for suggesting that film (never seen it, but looked at the link @Isthisexpected helpfully provided), and you for not taking your niece out when she said she was scared for the second time.

At that age, I couldn't even watch Watership Down because of the black rabbit, so I definitely wouldn't have coped with 'dark' sci-fi.

This. This is exactly what a wise person said to me just apologise and it stops everything.

I've been to the cinema recently and I have never even seen that film advertise so I don't know the content but even the picture someone has posted it does look uninviting for a child.

You are out of order OP. You also should of voiced it to the mum BEFORE her DD... now it looks more dramatic!

I would apologise and during the phone call explain that you had misjudged the situation as she had been giggling through the film.

It seems to me very odd that you wouldn’t mention in the OP that your SIL knew the film in advance and wanted her daughter to see it. So I call bulshit on that.

Yes I agree.

I watched that film as a young child and loved it! My own two love it and also really enjoyed the series, yes it’s a bit dark in places but I wouldn’t call it scary but I do understand some kids are very sensitive.
I don’t think yabu as your SIL chose the movie and to me it sounds like your niece likes to get a reaction if she doesn’t get what she wants.

The SIL ASKED OP to take her daughter to see it! SIL picked the film!

Your niece sounds slightly hard work for a 7 year old - running into mum’s arms crying when she got home seems a bit much over a film. Does SIL baby her? YANBU in my opinion.

If I were taking a child to something their own mother had specifically requested and recommended for them then I'd likely reassure the child and ask them to give it a little while to try before taking them out. Which is exactly what the OP did.

Do you know what film freaks, me an adult, out?

Coraline.

It’s a kids film but damn it’s scary. I think it would scare my 7 year old, but my 9 year old would probably laugh

That movie scared the life out of me as a kid, the skeksies are fucking terrifying! But you clearly don’t think you were being unreasonable so why actually bother asking. She told you multiple times she was scared and you invalidated her feelings. She stopped voicing her fears to you likely because she knew you wouldn’t listen… because you didn’t. You clearly just wanted to stay and watch the movie and didn’t have your nieces best interests at heart. It doesn’t matter who chose the movie, you let her down.

The films terrifying to a sensitive child. If I took my child it would be in the knowledge that I'd possibly have to take them out if they became frightened. You wanted your own way and didn't want to mother her. Fine. You wouldn't be getting to choose the movie for my child again though.

In your SIL's position I wouldn't look for an apology but I would tell you firmly that she shouldn't be forced into things that terrify her for your benefit. You do sound insensitive.

The OP didn't choose the film

Maybe read the posts before replying

it's perfectly fine to be a bit scared and get through it now and then and will teach her resilience

Nice try but that's not how resilience works.

Tell her you’re sorry and don’t take her to the cinema again.

tryfly

It doesn't make a difference. She still took the child and should have been prepared to take her out. Does she have less responsibility to a frightened child because someone else chose the film? Don't be ridiculous.

Maybe for your kid, not for everyone's 🤷‍♀️

You're being very unreasonable imo. Can you imagine how out of control she felt when she told you multiple times she was afraid and you wouldn't take her out? Knowing she was too little to leave by herself? Probably wanting to please you and be polite as you'd taken her out? It doesn't really matter what the age of the child is or the age rating of the film the more I think about it, what matters is the child's comfort levels. She didn't need to find the entire film scary, certain parts were and that was enough. You made a mistake without bad intentions but you called it wrong and you do need to apologise. Dark crystal is pg so parental guidance to me in that case means watching the comfort levels of the child you're with and intervening as nessecary.

That would scare the crap out of one of my son's and he's older than her!!

Me, I'd watch anything at any age 😄. Every kid is different. I think it was wrong to have your niece specifically sit through it though, but I do love the dark crystal so can understand why you wanted to stay! It would have really upset my son to have to stay and I think she cried at the dark part of the credits because she was already scared, and cried to her mum as she'd been holding it in.

I can still remember being scared watching the Dark Chrystal! They pulled his shell off, and were really mean. Goodness, bad choice of film

If resilience these days means sitting through the dark crystal then we're all in trouble. People bandy that word around way too much. If you don't like a film, then you don't like it, end of. Boundaries are healthy and it's great the niece spoke up a few times to try to protect hers. It has nothing to do with resilience. I'd have watched Nightmare on Elm Street at barely over 7 - but resilient isn't exactly the word I'd have used to describe myself - maybe someone with poor parental supervision and questionable film voices, but not resilient😂

I might be inclined to phone and say "I'm sorry you were scared. You hadn't seemed that bothered during it, but hey ho, you ready for school tomorrow?" No point dwelling on it, it's done now.

And then you don't take her to the cinema again.

Odd choice of film though, gotta say.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Exactly you can't treat other people's kids like that because they are not yours.

So many posters saying "never take your niece out again" - for being scared? WTAF? Why should you never take her out ever again for her mum being a bit of a CF? Overreaction much? I mean, maybe don't rush back to the cinema, but to never take her out again over this is spiteful and pathetic. Mind you, this is AIBU, I'm not surprised...

I think you probably should have taken her out, once she had mentioned being scared twice and you'd insisted she stayed she probably put on a brave face as felt asking you repeatedly was futile.

She certainly isn't BU for feeling scared. Maybe she's less scared with her mum because it's her mum and she feels safe with her.

I think SIL is a bit of a CF to ask you to apologise. Really, SHE should apologise to her daughter for suggesting the film... But equally an apology from you for not taking her out when she was scared wouldn't be amiss either.