SIL wants me to apologise to her DD

[cheathimsilly]

I took her DD to a film whilst my DS was at school. It was a baby friendly showing, to be specific here. My own (baby) DD came along

I bought sweets along but she wanted popcorn and I fancied some too, so we got a large popcorn and a drink to share

Within 15 minutes of the show starting, she said she was scared. I said it's fine, there's a lot of funny stuff. Sit tight and enjoy her treats etc

She said again 5 minutes later, I don't like it, I'm scared. I said please will you just give it a try? Low and behold, 5 minutes later she's giggling at some of the film and fine for the rest of it

Then the credits came up, and she said she was terrified! I said what of? She said the screens gone black

My niece is 7.

Are you feeling better now?

My point is, all children are different. This child was taken to a movie suggested by her mother. A movie made from children, with a rating of PG. She was scared at two points and seemed to enjoy the rest of the movie, laughing, etc. One of the moments she was "scared" was the black screen of the credits. I think she has gone home and beaten up how scared she was to get attention from her mother. Presumably you think differently.

But it's always good to milk the fangs on some stranger online, isn't it.

How did the trip come about?

Did your SIL ask you for childcare for her DD and then suggested to take her to see this film?

Did you offer to have her to do something fun together-if so, whose choice was it?

I wouldn’t fancy taking her out again somewhere if I was going to be criticised for it.

*made for children

I would have been inclined to persevere too

I do think the OP isn't being very kind to the young child here. But if I were the mum, I would apologise to the child myself for having picked the film in the first place, and then moved on. I'm not sure there's much mileage in one adult making another adult stage an apology to a child.

I wouldn’t apologise. Lesson learnt. Don’t take her to any more films.

No milkyaqua that wasn't your point. Your point was that you had watched Psycho at 6 and that the Dark Crystal is a kids film made by the muppets creator. You say 'hardly the stuff of nightmares' . Your take on it is that this child should not have been scared as its a kids film and that you are somehow superior because you watched Psycho at 6.
I don't know anyone that would let a 6 year old watch Psycho and as a pp said have no idea why you would think it's a benchmark for anything since it's so so far from any norm.

You’ve upset your niece, she was in floods of tears hours later when you returned her so obviously she wasn’t ok. If you’re looking after someone else’s child and they’re upset and ask repeatedly to leave I think you just need to leave, you may do differently with your own child. I think it ok to let your niece know that you didn’t realise she was upset. Take her somewhere else next time, she’s obviously not ready for the cinema!

I'm 46 and I'm still scared of that film (shudder).

YRBU its 10+. You need to talk to the child and apologise.

You and SIL are both unreasonable. What a terrible choice of film for a 7 year old.

This.

I love the dark crystal, I remember being scared of the characters when I was younger though. Bad choice of film, but lovely for you to take your niece out.

A mind reader, now, as well as spiteful.

That film doesn’t look appropriate for a 7 year old, sorry. I also don’t think she was being whiny / manipulative / annoying it sounds like she was genuinely scared. However, I definitely wouldn’t apologise. SIL chose the film so it’s on her.

The kid sounds a drama llama and the mum is fostering it.
I'd say, honestly SIL, if you want to follow every whim and demand of a 7 year old child that's your decision, but when I'm in charge I'll be doing things my way.

The Dark Crystal scared me when I was older than 7. I think you should have been able to see that it wasn't really a suitable film for a 7 year old with a vivid imagination. I don't believe in babying children but I think in this case you put your own wish to watch the film and eat popcorn before your niece's wellbeing.

Hiya im really sorry to interfere in this thread... however im conpletey new to mumsnet but used it for years now for certain things.... I'm trying to start a new thread and absolutely no idea how to do it.... please can someone help. Thanks kacey

@milkyaqua This is exactly how I interpreted what you said. You then made a different point (all children are different…) after being challenged on your original post.

I’m slightly confused though as you state Dark Crystal is “hardly the stuff of nightmares” but then also point out that the film was intended to be scary. So which is it?

It was actually the child's mother who insisted this film would be fine.

I said before we went it was a bit 'dark' (I said this to SIL). She insisted that my niece had seen a lot worse! I said I was a similar age when I saw it to be fair. My SIL then said she wanted her to see it so she could talk to her about it, as it's one of her favourites (SIL)

Agreed. The mother both chose the film and insisted the child would enjoy it. That is the key issue here.

Its not unreasonable in that situation to ask a child to give it a proper try when the parents have specifically chosen it as suitable for the child.

@kaceytown

Just go to the board you want to put the thread, there's a blue button "Start new thread" at the top and then you are set.

SIL may have chosen the film but she wasn’t there to see her daughter’s reaction to it. She was in OP’s care while watching the film so it was up to the OP to handle the situation.

Thanks for your help ill try it now. Thanks again

So you’d continue an activity that the child clearly wasn’t enjoying just to make the point that you’re in charge?!