SIL wants me to apologise to her DD

[cheathimsilly]

I took her DD to a film whilst my DS was at school. It was a baby friendly showing, to be specific here. My own (baby) DD came along

I bought sweets along but she wanted popcorn and I fancied some too, so we got a large popcorn and a drink to share

Within 15 minutes of the show starting, she said she was scared. I said it's fine, there's a lot of funny stuff. Sit tight and enjoy her treats etc

She said again 5 minutes later, I don't like it, I'm scared. I said please will you just give it a try? Low and behold, 5 minutes later she's giggling at some of the film and fine for the rest of it

Then the credits came up, and she said she was terrified! I said what of? She said the screens gone black

My niece is 7.

And some adults can be dickheads.

@justmaybenot I find it extremely concerning that a child needs to be “completely hysterical” for you to take their concerns seriously.

@Yupsuuuure

Of course they can

You're demonstrating it nicely

You haven't read my posts. As I said in my original post, it would have been better if the OP had said they could leave if she was still scared in X amount of time, and then checked with her if she wanted to stay having given it a try.

It sounds like you took her to see something you thought she should see, rather than something she would have actually liked. An independent cinema... are you too snobbish for Sing 2?

The fact she came out the cinema apparently fine and then starts clubbing as soon as she sees her mum sums her up (and sums up how she is being raised to be a bit immature).

Really? Extremely concerning? I said that unless completely hysterical I would encourage the child to wait a little while and that after a little while if they were still scared we might leave. I would have thought that's a fairly conventional thing to do. Is it more typical that at the first mention of being scared a parent would just leave a film?

One of my DCs used often find some bits of a film a bit scary and say they were scared, and I'd always say well let's see in a little while and if you need a break or you're still scared we can go. If they were full-on sobbing and hysterical obviously I wouldn't force them to stay but I might take them out and have a chat and then try again. I'd think that's pretty normal parenting.

blubbing*

I agree with this

@justmaybenot

“I said that unless completely hysterical I would encourage the child to wait a little while and that after a little while if they were still scared we might leave.”

I would take their concerns seriously way before we reached hysteria stage.

“If they were full-on sobbing and hysterical obviously I wouldn't force them to stay but I might take them out and have a chat and then try again. I'd think that's pretty normal parenting.”

You would return to a situation that caused that much distress to your child? Unless we’re talking about an essential medical procedure (which we are obviously not) then no, that’s not normal parenting.

Or it could be interpreted as a child who had had her concerns ignored so bottled it all up until she was home with her mum. That’s quite normal. My seven year old will often put on a brave face if something upsets her at school but will get upset when she tells me about it later.

She’s not being raised to be a bit immature. She IS immature. She’s 7!

If they were full-on sobbing and hysterical obviously I wouldn't force them to stay but I might take them out and have a chat and then try again. I'd think that's pretty normal parenting.”

Why? Why is being able to watch a scary movie an important part of growing up?

I personally consider it far more important to ensure my children know they don't have to watch anything and won't be forced to do something scary and of no real value just to please me. It's different if it's swimming lessons. That's clearly in their best interests. This is just nightmare fodder.

There is very little respect for children on this thread. They're people too.

She told you she was afraid and you didn't make her feel safe. That is not a children's film. It might be a "baby friendly showing", but babies aren't going to be watching, they are going to be cuddled. It seems you wanted to see the film and so you took her. Were there no children's films available? I'd be really pissed at you if you were my SIL. Your niece could be having nightmares. It sends the wrong message for her to say she was scared twice, and you as the responsible adult did not make her feel safe. I think you should apologise to her.

Either a wind up merchant or a complete twat

Because most people don't allow their lives to be dictated by children.

Especially when they're being dramatic

If I had taken mine out and spend £££ on all the cinema bits I'd definitely not be leaving unless I was sure they wouldn't get over their initial fears

And the niece did exactly that

We need to be very careful what we show kids. We’ve shown one of our kids what we thought were completely innocent comedy and had nightmares after. Some kids have no problems and can sit through (eg) Goosebumps but others will keep you awake for weeks after

Oh pickled, most people put their children's emotional needs ahead of how much they've spent on cinema bits which can be eaten anywhere. You're not a very insightful parent are you.

Most people understand that kids don't give things enough of a chance too

My eldest would not be eating soup happily RN if I had put his emotional needs first when he was trying it for the first time

@pickledpotato Childhood is full of new experiences. Kids can’t know whether they will like something until they try. Sometimes things don’t work out and you have to cut your losses. That’s not being dictated to, it’s just being considerate. It’s not just kids either. It’s not all that unusual for an adult to leave a cinema if they aren’t enjoying a film. She could still have finished her treats…

Ive just google imaged the film title (not heard of it before). Im 47 and I couldnt watch it. I find that sort of thing scary so I can understand how a child would.
I would apologise to your niece/sil and then back off for quite a while.

One or other of my children were scared of many things first time they tried them - going upstairs on a bus, poached eggs, birthday parties, starting school, the wizard of oz, football, swings, particular musicals or films. So yes, I reassured them that they could leave/stop if they were still scared within a certain amount of time. If they were hugely upset then I removed them from the situation and had a chat about what they were scared about and usually once they were reassured they tried again. I don't think it would have helped them if we cancelled an activity every time they said they were scared, and I don't think it's highly unusual or bad parenting to let a child settle and check back in with how they feel after a bit of time and if they're no longer scared then just let it be.

I’ve said this already but… According to the OP they had been in there for 20 mins when she said she was scared the second time. She gave it a chance!

What were the “emotional needs” that prevented your child from trying soup?! I doubt he was scared of it!! Eating a balanced diet is important. Watching scary films is not. Not really comparable.

Adults leaving a film doesn't usually inconvenience others

You have decided that if she was scared should would have acted in a certain way or not acted in a certain way. You can't judge people's feelings. My daughter watched a Disney movie Tangled once when young - maybe when she was 4 or 5 - I didn't notice that the movie affected her at all but she became so concerned that someone would cut her hair against her will when she slept with that she could only go to sleep if she covered her hair for years after that movie.