SIL wants me to apologise to her DD

[cheathimsilly]

I took her DD to a film whilst my DS was at school. It was a baby friendly showing, to be specific here. My own (baby) DD came along

I bought sweets along but she wanted popcorn and I fancied some too, so we got a large popcorn and a drink to share

Within 15 minutes of the show starting, she said she was scared. I said it's fine, there's a lot of funny stuff. Sit tight and enjoy her treats etc

She said again 5 minutes later, I don't like it, I'm scared. I said please will you just give it a try? Low and behold, 5 minutes later she's giggling at some of the film and fine for the rest of it

Then the credits came up, and she said she was terrified! I said what of? She said the screens gone black

My niece is 7.

She seems like a spoiled brat and I wouldn’t be doing SIL any favours by taking her out as a treat again. She’s 7 for gods sake, not 3. I’d get on the phone with her and tell her to grow up!

I really hope you are only posting this to get a reaction because if it’s really what you think you should be ashamed.

I have a seven year old. She sometimes gets upset about things that I don’t think are worth getting upset about. It’s not because she’s spoiled, or a drama queen, or anything else that has been suggested on this thread. It’s because she lacks the experience and perspective of an adult. Because she is a child! That’s no reason to dismiss her feelings like OP did (twice!) to this little girl.

Fine, but that still has nothing to do with resilience.

Well I think she can say I'm sorry you were upset afterwards, and in future if we're at something you're not enjoying please just let me know after x amount of time. But the child didn't tell her other than a bit at the start and at the end and if she thinks she's being a tad dramatic then an apology just adds fuel to that - and also lets the mother off the hook seeing as the mother deliberately chose the film.

Dark Crystal?!?! Is terrifying! The skeksis fucked me up for years and I was much older than 7 when I saw it!

@justmaybenot The child didn’t tell her - apart from the three occasions when she did! Echoing the post above, how many times should a child repeat themselves before an adult listens?!

You didnt parent as SIL would in that circumstance so I'd just apologise and not go out of my way to take niece again.

The child told her before even properly watching the film

She then seemed to be enjoying herself

If my children said within 5 mins of a film they didn't like it, or were scared I'd ask them to try for a bit then we'd reassess. Just like when they don't want to try a carrot or a new hobby.

Since the child seemed to enjoy herself through 90% of the film I can fully see why the OP didn't go.

I can't believe the ordeal that's been made out of such a non-event.

According to the OP they were 20 mins in by the time she said she was scared the second time. I’d say she gave it a chance. (She did change the timing in a later post though so who knows? 🤷‍♀️) Given the child’s reaction at the end of the film and afterwards I think it’s safe to say she did not enjoy it.

She's not a snitch or a brat, or annoying. She's 7 years old. Some adults get really fucking weird over the idea that they should apologize to children. Like they think it's a sign of weakness or some such bollocks.

If my children get scared because of something I've done, i say sorry. Because if they scared someone else, id want them to say sorry. Why would i deliberately make my children sit through a film they're scared of? To prove... What? That I'm bigger than them and if i say they shouldn't be scared, then that's that? My dc were scared of a film that the reviews said they shouldn't have been scared of. But they were. So I took them out of the cinema and we went and ate our popcorn in the park. The ticket money had already been spent.

What did you want her to do? Throw a huge tantrum to get out of there? Then you'd criticise her for throwing a tantrum at 7 years old.

Poor little girl. She tried to tell you she was scared multiple times and essentially what you did was tell her to man up. What else does a child need to do in your world, with their limited understanding of the world and limited communication skills, to be listened to?

She said at the very start - when she hadn't even experienced the film - and at the very end - at a credit sequence when it was over anyway, both those instances hardly warranted much action.

She said again 5 minutes later, I don't like it, I'm scared. I said please will you just give it a try? Low and behold, 5 minutes later she's giggling at some of the film and fine for the rest of it

It seems perfectly reasonable that the OP asked her to give it a try, and also perfectly reasonable that if she was giggling at the film a few minutes later and never mentioned being scared again (until the screen went black for the credits) then the OP would have thought she got over her fear and enjoyed it.

If one of my DCs had said they felt scared at the start of a film, then unless they were being completely hysterical I would also have asked them to wait a few minutes, and then if they seemed to be enjoying it would have thought they got over the fear. Nothing to apologise for!

If the OP had chosen the film she might have been more watchful of how scared the child was, but seeing as the child's own mother wanted her to go to it then it's her (not the OP) who should be apologising - if anyone should.

I don't believe your convenient drip feeds (that definitely would have been mentioned in the OP if true) and you come across really nasty.

“Some adults get really fucking weird over the idea that they should apologize to children. Like they think it's a sign of weakness or some such bollocks.”

@Yupsuuuure I actually think this may be the crux of it all.

Fear is so subjective though

I'd not apologise to an adult for scaring them, their sensitivities aren't my problem

Same applies to children imo, if they're being overly sensitive that's on them

It sounds like you put your niece in an uncomfortable/upsetting situation just so you could watch a film. She told you multiple times she was scared and you ignored her. I'd be pissed off if my sister did the same to my DD.

Who chose the film is irrelevant. The child was in OPs care when she was watching it. Perhaps the mother should apologise as well but that doesn’t mean the OP shouldn’t. See my post above. Depending which post of OP’s you believe, they were as much as 20 mins into the film when she said she was scared the second time. At that point I think she should have been given the option to leave. Just because she found some bits of the film funny doesn’t make it ok that she was scared by other parts and it’s very clear it was not an enjoyable experience for her overall.

You don't apologise when you've upset someone?

Okay. That's not normal.

It's interesting that the child didn't make enough of a fuss to warrant bring listened to, yet she did make enough to be considered a drama queen. Children really can't get it right unless they emulate the adult they're with, can they.

There's nothing odd about seeing a parent and suppressed stress returning. At seven, I'd say this was normal. The op ignored her distress but it rose to the surface when she saw mum. Looking at that horrid bird like figure, I'm not at all surprised.

I'm not sure an apology is the correct response though. I just wouldn't accept child care from this person again because they ignored my child's fear.

@Yupsuuuure

Depends how I've upset them.

One of my family members is overly sensitive, and would be upset if I didn't serve her first at a dinner. I can't think of many adults who would apologise to her for it.

Kids and adults can be very ott at times. Those are their issues to deal with

And yet, after five minutes she was fine for the rest of the film, until the terrible scariness of the credits rolling..

She said again 5 minutes later, I don't like it, I'm scared. I said please will you just give it a try? Low and behold, 5 minutes later she's giggling at some of the film and fine for the rest of it

As an aside, there are some people on this thread that make me feel sorry for children.