To absolutely hate my partner right now?!

[arghhhhhhffs]

Just found out that at 6 months postpartum with our first baby my partner tried to sleep with a work colleague. The only reason it didn't happen was because she knocked him back.

At the time I had severe PND and was struggling just to get through the days, I was getting therapy for ptsd from the birth etc. I was spending all my time and energy on maternity leave trying to make sure I got well and look after our baby, putting her first, while he was trying to shag someone else.

I feel sick.

Baby is 17 months now.

What do I do??

I think he's admitted it as a way out.

I was in a very similar position years ago op and honestly becoming a single parent was so so scary but actually so much easier! It’s a scary step to take but I know for a fact your self esteem will be at its highest once you realise you can do it all without that useless piece of shit.

This x 100000

and this.

I think he wants to end the relationship, but doesn't have the actual balls to do it - so he is driving OP insane enough to end it

OP don't let him play games with your mental health - fuck him off.

I had similar with my kids dad - as soon as I had concrete proof of the situation, his shit was bin-bagged up and out the window, quicker than he could call himself a fuckin taxi

Within three months I actually realised I preferred my new life.

Disrespectful. I couldn't stay with someone that had done that.
What is she didn't turn him down?
Would be on my mind constantly and if he tried it with her then he might have tried it with other people.

I remember you saying you had a good job. My friend found herself in your position and was only on maternity for 7 months. I had never heard of this before but she found a night nanny. She would drop her child once a week and the nanny stays up and does night feed. It actually worked really well.

Also just wanted to add I am assuming he would still be in your child’s life. Let him take her two night a week and you catch up. That’s what I did.

If all he is doing is night wakes and very specific food shops we’ll get shopping delivered- same effort required as making a list for someone else- and your DC will get better with sleep they will grow up and learn to sleep it might just be a few months of sleep deprivation which is better than living with someone you despise and who doesn’t respect you

Online shopping solves one issue OP. Sleep training might help with the night waking or as others have said look into a Night Nanny. Also if he’s gone you can have DD in your bed which makes night wakings so much easier in my experience.

Stop using these things as excuses to stay with him

He cheated on his wife time and again because she was 'difficult'.

He's now painting you the same in order to give himself permission to cheat on you. And by you not kicking him out, you are giving him permission to shag other women too.

Do you honestly believe this is the first or last time this has/will happen??

Come on OP

You can do this, you know you can.

You are literally on the last part of the sleepless nights at 17months.

Leave the prick, you can do it. You got this.

Don't stay with someone you hate because he wakes up occasionally with his kid. You'll get downtime when hes looking after her as well. Catch up then.

So sorry to read this OP. Without wishing to minimize your distress ( I have been through this), I think it is actually worse thinking about leaving than the reality of managing on your own. My ex was a serial adulterer too and an awful person generally but I have managed fine with my child on my own. I don't have any family locally and have built up a network over the years, it is definitely not worth staying with someone who doesn't love you. He sounds like a shallow manipulative shitbag. Please reach out to family or friends for help and leave him. Good luck.

Thanks all. I'm feeling a bit stronger now. I know what I need to do. Just need to iron out the logistics.

I'll be free of him soon though.

It seems it never HIS fault!

@dexterslockedintheshedagain

Spot on. It is literally never his fault.

If we can't work this out, it will be (in his words) because "you will never forgive me for this, I know you won't. So what's the point...." etc.

Not:, if we can't get past this it will be because I did something despicable and I deserve for you to not forgive me etc.

Nope, not capable of that. Just - if this relationship now fails because of his actions, it will still be on me, apparently.

So it's not really his fault, because you don't look like a model and won't forgive him anyway? He's a twat. You deserve better.

So you get an online delivery op.
man’s think of all the single mums out there,they do it.you DO adapt I promise,and the light feeds don’t last forever.you also find other ways and times to catch up.napping with baby in the day.or asking for other support.
do you have family or friends close by.

'It seems it never HIS fault!'

Oh it never is, is it? They all have crazy exes who don't understand them, who don't comfort them after a hard day at work and won't even give them blowjobs anymore

Bit like the divorced men who's wives just upped and left for NO REASON and won't let them see the kids and took all of his money and lives in his house

Please, please free yourself. You ARE worth more than this. What would you tell your child if they were in this situation. Not surprised you have no self esteem.

Believe in yourself and the child, all the best and positivity op.

Get your groceries delivered! Can family help you throughout the week to give you a chance to rest? Can you hire professional help, like someone to clean the house to lessen the amount that you do?

Nothing is worth keeping this man around.