To absolutely hate my partner right now?!

[arghhhhhhffs]

Just found out that at 6 months postpartum with our first baby my partner tried to sleep with a work colleague. The only reason it didn't happen was because she knocked him back.

At the time I had severe PND and was struggling just to get through the days, I was getting therapy for ptsd from the birth etc. I was spending all my time and energy on maternity leave trying to make sure I got well and look after our baby, putting her first, while he was trying to shag someone else.

I feel sick.

Baby is 17 months now.

What do I do??

How do I pick myself up from this?

First step-tell him to fuck off.

What an absolute disgrace he is.

Oh and if he put on weight, or had an accident or got depressed or suffered ED .... Is he equally blasé about you trying to cheat on him, and telling him so when challenged..... Or does this only go one way??

*He has said these things so that you end the relationship and he can blame you for 'taking his daughter away'

I agree.

He wouldn’t have admitted trying to have sex with someone out of the goodness of his heart.
He’s got a much bigger plan.*

Agree he seems to be engineering it to get out of the relationship, without being the one who left.

He is decidedly indifferent about the survival of your relationship in attitude and actions.

He is the one who ended the relationship though-by telling Op about trying to cheat.

Yep just told me yesterday

Yes I think it's my fault

Look a decent man wouldn't try to cheat on his partner, full stop.

He especially wouldn't when he's brought a child into the world with her.

A decent man wouldn't see her not looking glamorous in the months after a birth, with pnd, as a reason of excuse to cheat on his partner.

A decent man would try to help, pull together as a couple and family, batten the hatches and hope/wait for things to improve as the baby got older, his partner & mother of his child had a chance to recover from pnd etc.

Those are facts.

Has he been helping you so you got rest btw ... Pnd is associated with sleep deprivation. Has he been an active, supportive, responsible father outside of work hours?

The fact that his partner is not super groomed etc due to being a new Mum and having pnd etc. makes him zero in on and try to fuck the nearest "done up" female with fillers injected into her face .. gives the impression he sees women as sex dolls.

I have been the with a baby too. Exactly the same I was a little heavier but a decent man would understand all of this and not make you feel shite.

Sometimes it has nothing to do with how you look, I always had my make up etc that’s just how I am and I hate to say this but my ex couldn’t cope with parental responsibility so instead was a
complete twat towards me.

I am really sorry but he seems to be looking for an out and I don’t think it has anything to do with how you look. He is a selfish, pathetic arsehole who doesn’t want to take responsibility. He definitely she not be talking about how this girl looks.

If he put on weight and got depressed (for a totally understandable reason) and you tried to fuck your slimmer, fitter work colleague, and told him "well you're fat, mate, you're not looking your best .... He's got a flat stomach, he might have had a nip and tuck, he's very well groomed ... It's really your fault, what do you expect.... What sort of person would that make you? Would he take that from you?

Absolutely, but he wants to be able to tell his family, friends etc that she ended the relationship, that she told him to leave.

He knows he'll look like an utter shit, walking out on his partner and 6 month old baby. He needs something to say she wanted him out and they weren't getting on etc.

He sounds incredibly selfish and no wonder your self esteem is low, being with a twat like him.
Anyone would look good with their hair done and stuff done to their face. And this woman would be in her pjs feeding her baby looking exhausted if she had a kid...that's completely normal so for him to make a comment like that is just stupid.

He should be doing everything he can to help you through PTSD rather than hitting on someone.

Leave him. Given time your confidence will grow and you'll find strength xx

@arghhhhhhffs
It is most definitely NOT your fault. I've been there. Bringing HIS children up, while he chose to be out all the time & play away.
You're at a low ebb, obviously, none of us feel like supermodels with young babies. But kids grow up. Some men are twats all their lives. Leave, & make a fulfilling life for yourself. Hugs, things WILL get better, even if it doesn't feel like that just now. x

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Sorry to shout but bloody hell. Come on OP...if this was a friend telling you all this, would you think it was her fault? Obviously its not and he is treading a well worn groove with the reasons why it is. Its utter utter bullshit. If you do separate, you'll need good legal advice but be aware in general terms that the non resident parent is only liable for CMS rates, about 20% of gross salary. Other than that, no childcare fees or anything else, unless he has them on work days in which case you each should pay for the days you are responsible for.

Has he been an active, supportive, responsible father outside of work hours?
Yes. He's always been hands on with the baby

He didn't actually say I'm fat. He said "we weren't getting on and she was nice to me, and she looked good", etc.....

He didn't make any negative comments about my appearance. But it was implied.

Agreed, throw him out! I’m sickened for you. That’s not love. I’m so sorry.

Which is what he wants - you to take the blame for his being rejected by another woman.

It's not your fault he is so deluded that he thinks another woman would have wanted him. It's not your fault that he's completely unattractive to her and probably found him creepy. It's not your fault that he was jealous of his baby having your body, time and attention instead of his penis. It's not your fault that like a stroppy child, he decided that he would try to find somebody that would make him feel like their very special boy.

You are far, far better off without that little boy dented ego in your home angrily trying you convince you that he can do better when the truth is that you are far too good for him.

I can't eat anything 😔
I just feel so low

It’s awful the way he is behaving. My ex is long gone and I’m so pleased because he hasn’t changed his partner of 7 years looks run into the ground by his behaviour.

You will be ok and you won’t want to be alone but this will reoccur. I hope you starry to feel better.

Anyone got any advice how I handle this when he's home from work later? Do I give him the chance to explain? To make it right? Or just ask him to leave? I'm lost.

Op you were ready to leave on your last thread.you were miserable rough with the situation then.talking of single parenting,had enough,couldn’t carry on. This this is it.enough!
he’s making yours self esteem shit.
hes making you bogged down.basically a single parent.
he’s tried to shag Alene one else is enough.more than.the fact you already had got to your end is time to complete this load off you.
no one treats someone they love or care for like this.
no,he can’t be forgiven good conclusion mate.

No further explanation needed and if you ask for one it'll just mess with your head further. The damage us done and there's nothing he can say to repair it. He's not even remorseful so he obviously doesn't care.

When he gets home I'd personally tell him that he's right, you can't get past this and 'won't, not 'can't' forgive him. Therefore, he has to go.

I'll be hard in the short term but you'll be better off in the long run x

Explain what?
there’s nothing to explain.
he needs to go.
you need to be brave and do it.
you can be happy again.
you can care for yourself big yourself up and be the best you can be.for you.he’s draining you out.
imagine him making it right.hope the he’ll can that be a thing!