To absolutely hate my partner right now?!

[arghhhhhhffs]

Just found out that at 6 months postpartum with our first baby my partner tried to sleep with a work colleague. The only reason it didn't happen was because she knocked him back.

At the time I had severe PND and was struggling just to get through the days, I was getting therapy for ptsd from the birth etc. I was spending all my time and energy on maternity leave trying to make sure I got well and look after our baby, putting her first, while he was trying to shag someone else.

I feel sick.

Baby is 17 months now.

What do I do??

Tell him to get f*ed.

It's really really hard now but it will get better. Particularly if you get rid. DO NOT have another baby with this man. Separate, work, find childcare, move on. He's not worth it. At all. 💪🌺

Dump the cunt. You'll never feel the same about him again. You'll be OK .

What is he saying that for? So it’s your fault he tried to shag someone because you didn’t have your make up on! You can stay but I don’t think it will be the same again.

single parenting is better than parenting with a selfish prick.

What he said about her looking nice and had work done on her face - that would be the end for me. There is no doubt that this man has cheated on you, probably many times over. Do you want to live like this? With a man who will cheat when his partner needs him more than ever. You clearly deserve better.

So not only is he a cheat he is a cruel cheat. He isn’t bothered he got caught. He has zero respect for you. That would be the end for me…what a dick head!

It’s interesting you say that. When I split with my child’s dad my friend asked me why. I said because I know if anything happens he will not be there for me. I’d rather get out now. Definitely right decision. I’d rather be alone than with a selfish shit.

Why are you so afraid of telling this monumental twat to fuck off elsewhere??

I'm scared to be alone and my self esteem is rock bottom. Especially after the comments about her face and how she looked. He knows how self conscious I've been since having the baby. I mean, I'm still a size 10-12 and slim, but I look at least 10 years older than my 37 years because I'm just SO tired and exhausted all the time. And I don't bother much about my hair or make up these days as I'm focused so much on my daughter.

He's smashed whatever small amount was left of self esteem. I'm utterly broken.

He was also acting really cold towards me this morning before he went to work as if Im the one who's done something wrong.

He also said "I don't think we will be able to get past this because YOU won't forgive me".

As if I'm also to blame now because I can't find it within me to forgive him!!

You have your answer, don’t be with an awful man like this for fear of being alone. You deserve better.

Your self esteem will go through the roof when you dump this man.

He's smashed whatever small amount was left of self esteem. I'm utterly broken.

I personally couldn’t be with anyone who makes me me like crap.

You partner is meant to lift you up and make you feel beautiful.

But you don’t have to decide anything right now.

Tell him you need time to come to terms with what he’s done and he needs to give you that time.
You may choose to ask him to move out whilst you process everything.

How did him telling you come about?

It’s very odd that he told you, especially when nothing actually happened.
This would be very concerning for me and would lead me to believe that he has actually cheated on you.

My love everything in this life has to be better than this.

You've got a beautiful baby who needs you. You're the most perfect person in their eyes. See yourself as your baby sees you.

This little prick isn't worth the air it breathes. Please try and work on leaving him. Believe me you are not the problem.

He sounds like one of those men who think their wife/partner owes them ‘pretty’. As a pp said, he’s supposed to lift you up and make you feel good, especially when you’ve had a baby. He’s a total failure at that.
I’m so sorry, but please don’t view yourself through his eyes. He has a very warped idea of what a good relationship should be. This man simply is not good to be in a relationship with. You deserve much better.

I am not surprised your self esteem is on the floor. I expect he has form for this behaviour and this is heavily contributing to how you feel right now. The way he is acting is very manipulative and he is using the DARVO (deny, attack, reverse, victim offender). You only just found out he tried to have an affair. He’s blaming you for this and blaming you for being upset and not instantly forgiving him. Awful. You’d be better off alone.

I bet if you ended the relationship, you’d feel very differently this time next year.

The only way you will start on the slow road to recovering your self esteem is to tell this idiot it’s over.

But first, prepare. Get legal advice. Get real life support from a trusted relative or friend lined up. Then have a factual script you can repeat on ‘grey rock’ mode e.g. ‘I refuse to be treated like this, I’m not happy and I want to end our marriage’.

This won’t get better. It’s not even the infidelity, it’s the way he so quickly and effortlessly made it about you - you aren’t pretty enough, you don’t look after yourself enough. Fuck any more years of that shit. Get out now before he breaks your completely..

You don't have to do anything. But do you really want to stay with this man? You will have a life of misery and depression if you do.

Also, don't lose yourself wholly in your baby either. You are important too.

Pack all his bags so they are ready for him on the doorstep when he finishes work. It sounds like he's already checked out of the relationship and is being a twat so you are the one to end it. I personally would not forgive him for this.

Would you want your daughter to be with a man like this, when she grows up?

Imagine someone treating her this way.

Then leave. You deserve better.

Seriously??! Yeah OP, you need him out. Is there anyone you can stay with? You will never feel happy with him after this and it’s his fault! Call your mum, a friend or safe person for you. You will come back from this x

This.

He sounds pretty hateable.

Make a plan and leave the weasel. Find a man with a spine.

I suspect he has or has waiting something going on with someone else. He has said these things so that you end the relationship and he can blame you for 'taking his daughter away'

Thinking practically -
What's your housing situation?
You say partner so the only entitlement you'd have from him is child maintenance. Are you back at work?

I agree with pp I'd have his bags packed today - but get some support, family, friends, local women's charity.

Whilst postnatal depression is very real and debilitating, have you thought that it might have also been triggered by your gut trying to tell you something at the time?
Maybe you already knew at the time that something about your partner was untrustworthy?
Was he supportive during labour?

Answering these questions may help you decide if he's worth staying with.

I hate to say it but I think he is creating the narrative here so that you cam separate and he can feel justified because YOU wouldnt forgive him for not doing anything that bad (in his version of events). He has checked out, he wants to create you as the villain of the piece and you are honestly going to be better off without him. You are prioritising your child, and you probably look great?albeit tired , so don't let him batter your self esteem just because he wanted to screw around, he got knocked back and reje ted so he can't be that amazing himself.

YOU can do this without him, oots of us have. You are worth more and so is your daughter. Have a shower get dressed up, do something nice with your daughter and think about what you truly want and deserve. Bollocks to him🖕