Is this rude of DD’s violin teacher?

[Mrspeanuts]

DD (8) started violin lessons in school with her teacher who works for the local music service. She kindly sends regular updates on WhatsApp about progress and homework etc.

DD took her violin in to school on Wednesday this week (the day of her lesson) and the teacher wasn’t there. I sent an email via the music service asking why there was no lessons. I got what I thought was a rude response saying something along the lines of why would you think there was a lesson? Music tuition always starts back the second week in? I responded with ‘well I didn’t know that’ and the response was ‘well you do have my phone number, maybe should have checked first?’

she has since told me she won’t be posting any more updates on WhatsApp and any further correspondence from her will be via email through the music service.

have I upset her? I’m not sure if I’ve done anything wrong?

The corollary issue is how rude the music teacher was back. It’s much more professional to give a polite response to a rude question.

You were unbelievably rude. And you sent the email via the service? She probably got a bollocking for it and was annoyed- which is why she mentioned that you could’ve contacted her by phone. Because she would’ve appreciated you asking privately rather than emailing centrally, flagging that she has a dissatisfied ‘customer’.

Next time something like “Hi x, I think I must have got my wires crossed- DD took her instrument in today but had no lesson. Will her lessons start again next week? If you could confirm the schedule I’d really appreciate it. Kind Regards, OP”

Seriously rude AND a comma splice. I’m not surprised you got a frosty response.

I would say so. No need for !!!!!! When emailing a professional. It does come across as rude.

YABU. And shot yourself in the foot here.

You were both rude.
Though as you haven't posted the exact words the teacher said, it's difficult to judge how rude she actually was.

I think she was polite considering. I would have replied fuck off!! 😬

That's incredibly rude. I wouldn't bother going above and beyond with updates over WhatsApp either!! You're lucky your daughter still has a violin teacher!!

Are you really THAT dense OP?

Her response was

‘I’m sorry DD brought her violin to school, my schedule stipulates lessons resume the second week back so I’m not sure who has advised you that? it’s quite common that lessons start back the second week in September’

she has also written

‘with regards to ‘missed lessons’, the amount of weeks vary per term and are agreed by the music service. I therefore will not be delivering lessons which are not on my schedule. If you are dissatisfied I suggest you take it up with the music service. Going forward, I think it may be better if all communication is made via email via the music service ‘

Forgot to add I then responded with ‘well I didn’t know that’ after the first message

Nope, just a response to your rudeness and entitlement. The consequence is you have now damaged the relationship.

The teacher’s response is not rude or OTT.

She has been professional and polite, and she’s done the right thing to avoid confrontations with you (which is what YOU have made this) in future.

Those replies are not rude IMO.

You were rude, the replies were just factual. The teacher doesn't want to get your rude messages any more as you are a PITA.

She wasn't rude in her responses. She was kind with her first response and assertive in her second. I do think you can recover the relationship if that's what you want by sending the message suggested by a PP.

The teacher's response is a model of professionalism.

She was a bit rude; she needs to realise that although it may be absolutely standard that lessons don't start the first week back, people newer to the music service may not have registered that. However your email was rather accusatory, especially if the information about start-dates and number of lessons per year/term is in your documentation or on the service website - it's worth checking that.

(First week in September is always best avoided for peripatetic music staff. Different schools start on different days, the timetable for lessons may need to be worked out around PE slots, etc, sometimes there's even juggling of which day the teacher is in which school, particularly if numbers have changed. That can have knock-on effects in terms of teaching spaces, too. The message also needs to get out to the pupils about when to go for their lesson, and (more in secondary), missing the first lesson with a new teacher is not ideal.)

The WhatsApp message may be separate; it wouldn't be surprising for a music service to say that communication should be through their channels. I work with adults, and my organisation changed policy last year and we are no longer to give out personal numbers at all.

I also responded after the last message
‘ I am not dissatisfied, I was just looking for clarification. I really appreciated the WhatsApp messages and recordings of DD and her progress, so that will be a shame if it’s no longer possible’

She's been incredibly professional.

I think the teacher has responded perfectly appropriately. I see no rudeness in her responses at all - they are professional and, in the circumstances, extremely restrained.

I’ve tried to call her but she’s blocked me!

A model of professional restraint, especially given your follow-up.

Good, I’d have blocked you too lol.

baffling how people can send messages like the op did and then be utterly affronted and confused when they are met with the same energy back.

Sounds very rude, how can you not know this? Didn’t your mother teach you to say please & thank you?

Her email was professional and not rude. Your email was rude and you should have apologised. Were you never sent a schedule from the music service? Presumably you were sent something when the lessons started.

I don't think so. The reason I think that is because the teacher sounds like she's always been lovely, consistent, engaged, sending updates when she didn't need to, and spending extra time of her own to do so. She probably wonders why she bothered.