Work full time with teens?

[HappyKoala56]

AIBU to consider a full time job with a teen and pre-teen (13 and 11)? How do other ft working parents manage with kids of these sort of ages? They are ok to stay home on their own for short times and neither are anxious with this, but it would mean 2 hours on their own after school until I get home which feels like a lot. And then what do I do in school holidays? It's a long time to be by themselves, but they don't appreciate all day clubs. I feel stuck in this middle ground of they are too old for childcare but too young for prolonged periods on their own. What does everyone do?
For context I don't HAVE to work ft, hence why I'm not sure if iabu. I have my own business and work part time currently, but I have put all career progression on hold for the past 14 years to be around for the kids and I'm eager to get back on working on myself. Do I leave it another year or 2?
YABU - stay home longer
YANBU - go get that job!

No, just that parents can choose what they spend on it.

This is true of any age really - we are quite well off so we spend a fair amount on activities for ours but I know some of the parents limit their kids to cheaper activities like Scouts or things available at the council leisure centre.

We often so soft play as a social activity for ours but some of their friends' parents can't afford it so go to the park. Same for teenagers.

I think my point was that this was quite a basic list. Of course somethings are discretionary Dd went out to dinner with friends on Tuesday, (£26) she rides (£36/ week). The things I listed are not expensive options except possibly the haircut. Would you really want your 14 yo's main activities to be hanging out in the park and computer games/ net flix ?

Of course not but there are lots of cheaper alternatives.

E.g. Scouts around is is £45 a term, community run football is free every Saturday. It's not accurate to say that you have to spend the amounts you're suggesting for your teen to do things.

And you also just didn't do a fair comparison. Most parents do things with their toddler too - swimming and other activities, though how expensive is a choice.

You also didn't include anything for transport for the toddler costs either - car seat, bike seat, scooter, bike, pushchair - most toddlers will have two of these (ours has all!)

I had a look at our local youth club which offers martial arts/art/football/music classes for teens for between £2 and £5 a time. I appreciate this is area dependent but I don't think your average teenager is doing multiple £150/term activities

Soft play is not even expensive, bikes, scooters pushchairs even i could get those all for free where I live as people give pass that stuff on to green around here. Extra curricular clubs are arguably discretionary for infants, what toddler has to do baby yoga or have to be instructed on playing an instrument as the most they can manage is banging a drum or shaking a rattle. The enrichment is necessary for development but it can be achieved for free, the same developmental need for enrichment is not going to be achieved for free with a teenager. Equally, even well made shoes aren't comparably expensive and of course 11+ are still growing and can grow very quickly

I am not sure many 15 year olds are happy with the social life that comes with Scouts - it really proves your references are around young children and don't have a clue!

Childcare at it's most expensive before subsidies is about the a 2 year length not comparable with the teenage years. Contextually, even forgoing my income for those 2 years was cheaper for us as the long term earning potentially of my DH as a qualified Architect would have been missed out on if he couldn't have completed his qualification and work.

Again, context is key to this, my DDs haircut is at Supercuts so cheap but still £26.

Lol, I give up at the point where different socks for school and home are counted as a vital expense for a teen but a toddler doesn't need anything...

Millions of people work FT with teens.

Yes and I am one of them, the derailment point was the one I was discussing- hilarious that toddlers cost more with their clothes- even logically speaking they are very small people so the cost of material is next to nothing, they don't care what they are wearing (so you can fob them off with supermarket t-shirts and theyybdoont care) whereas for a teenager, more often than not, it is an expression of who you are and what tribe you hang out with, this is developmentally very normal, well it is with all the teenagers I know and that is probably many more than PP with young children demonstrating not an ounce of a clue about teenagers. I have had toddlers so I actually do know the difference between the two!

Yes, lots probably have no choice though. I believe the OP said that financially she did have a choice.
I think it’s good to hear different views and experiences of working full time with teens. I honestly believe until you’ve had teens it is hard to comprehend how much they still us.

Come off it, do teenagers actually cost over a grand a month, every month, per teenager? Because that’s how much nursery fees cost for one child, EVERY month….JUST THE CHIlDCARE…that’s not even including other essentials like nappies, food, milk, clothing, shoes, equipment and everything else toddlers need never mind the non essentials like taking them out places (which I’m not sure why people are saying it’s ok to palm toddlers off and to not do anything with them but teens you absolutely cannot say no to 🤷‍♀️🤣)

Yes, probably if you are having to save for uni accommodation costs and considering what a short time you spend over a £1000 a month for that level of childcare as opposed to the 7 years of having a teenager costs!

I love the dramatic comparisons! Teenagers “need” multiple pairs of trendy brand trainers, 100s of pounds of hobbies, hair cuts every 3 months minimum, money for socialising etc and toddlers need nappies and a bit of food.
Its comparing a luxury teenager lifestyle to an absolute bare bones toddler lifestyle, hardly a useful comparison.
Seriously £100 a month for everything a toddler needs when you are saying multiple pairs of expensive trainers is an absolute necessity for teens? Ignoring toddlers grow out of clothes and shoes at a rapid rate. Never fit clothes from the previous season, go up in car seat sizes, need a buggy, eat way more than about £30 a month for a balanced diet, also need their hair cut, also have birthdays and want scooters/bikes/toys etc.

People with toddlers could be saving for their child’s uni fees too?? That’s not something that has to be spent per month during the teenage years that’s a long term cost….I thought we were talking based per month? Obviously they’re teenagers for longer that’s not a fair comparison of what people spend on a toddler compared to a teen 🤷‍♀️

There was no way we could have saved for uni when the kids were toddlers. Nursery fees were the equivalent of one of our wages. Childcare for the remaining dc in primary school is 400quid a month.

I didn't actual think I'd have to save for uni- I thought the loan + part time job would cover them. Looks like I may the first and last person in my entire family to go to uni then. Unless the l
Kids go local.

And there's no way we can save now.

Depending on your salary you should save for uni

As your child's entitlements to financial support will be based on that

i wouldn’t worry, I would imagine kids who go to the local uni do just as well as if they studied further away they probably just don’t get the whole uni experience of living away from home for the first time with their peers.

Other option is they have a year at home working to save up before they go.
Might be something mine will have to do.

Interestingly the local authority think it's either more difficult or more expensive to care for teenagers......

That's because they are not expecting you to use childcare for under 5s

Duh. That's because foster carers don't pay for childcare. They are the childcare. Add in childcare costs and it's not even a competition

Is this for foster children? Because if it is you are really clutching at straws….

The cost and difficulty of a child in care is a completely different ball game

Childcare fulltime at full rate is arguably discretionary as if you have no subsidises, no help then you are earning enough to make that choice to work. Compared to when my 15 year old was a baby there is more help!

If you think it is a ridiculous notion then you have to understand that teenagers and their associated costs are not discretionary and it as ridiculous s suggesting that you can persude your teenagers to continue to wear clothes from supermarkets- even if you can, to stunt their growth by eating like a toddler so you don't have to pay for rapidly changing costs of clothing sizes that incidentally you have to also pay VAT on , to not socialise, not have any technology for studying aswell as communication with peers, go to a school that doesn't have a uniform, finish school at 16 and have an apprenticeship as cheaper than 6th form and uni, be happy to spend their time reading library books!

Goldenbear you are being utterly ridiculous and insulting to people who use library books, go to scouts and buy clothes from supermarkets.

I ticked all those boxes as teen (well guides) and know plenty of teens who do too.

If ever there was a time to use the cringe phrase "check your privilege".......

I begin to think @Goldenbear 's full time role must be something like tabloid journalist, given the ability to twist things and create strawmen.

For the last time: parenting a toddler has as totally non discretionary either spending £1000/month minimum (more like £1400 in London) on childcare or giving up a salary (similar minimum but obviously depends on how much you earn. What you spend on your teenagers' activities is discretionary - you can choose to spend a lot or a little. I genuinely feel sorry for teenagers raised by someone too thick to understand that