To worry we gave away 100k of my inheritance!

[howdidIgetthere]

My DH thinks I am, but if I'm right then it's in his interest to say that!

Basically, we were in a pickle buying a house last year. We were consolidating houses with my DF to purchase a big house, and hoped that myself of my DF could be on the mortgage or deeds as a safety due to my DF helping with the deposit.

To cut a long story and identifying details this wasn't possible. Neither of us could be on a plausible mortgage, and the lenders wouldn't like us on the deeds either. But we needed a house. So as I was already engaged, we agreed between us that my DF would 'gift' 100k of inheritance to my DH so that he could solely purchase the house, but we would get married beforehand to safeguard my stake.

So we eloped without telling anyone else, my DF gifted the money and the house was purchased in my DH's name only. We had a proper wedding a few weeks after and all is well. As far as I know, because the house was purchased after marriage, I have a stake in the house should we divorce, and can get some of that value back in lieu of my inheritance/not be left with no money and nowhere to live.

However, since the purchase the house has had extensive renovations and its value is increasing significantly. I have noticed that my DH keeps referring to people that the purchase date was back in the summer, months before our marriage. I know for a fact from the deeds etc that the closing date was not until a month after we were married, when the funds were transferred. Before the marriage, the mortgage may just have been accepted, but zero money had been exchanged.

When I ask him about this he says iabu for questioning him, that yes he bought it before we got married ie he's taking the acceptance of an offer on the house as when he bought it. This is obviously very worrying for me, as if he bought it before we were married or some other loophole then in the case of divorce I have lost most of my inheritance and have no stake on the house!!!

I don't know why he is saying this as at the time he agreed it was the best option so that all parties were happy and protected. I have resisted a marital rights notice on the deeds, but otherwise I am still not on the deeds or the mortgage (I don't have a high enough income). So who is BU? Have we been misled and given away my inheritance, or is my DH wrong and for some reason trying to say something that's incorrect?

Def some dodgy nonce vibes here

You'll have to start a new chapter thread soon, OP

Your DH is being VVVVVVVVV unreasonable in not wanting you to see a solicitor!

Op, is there any update? We are concerned about your situation.

Plus using the American “pissed” to mean annoyed rather than drunk, English people say pissed off .
I wonder if the OP has changed many things around to make it less identifying, but in doing so lost all coherence ?

Same.

Plenty of young people use 'pissed' tbf. It grates on me as an Americanism, but I hear it used that way often.

You prefer the traditional English meaning of “pissed” used in the context of urinating and or drinking too much? Oh you old traditionalist you 😂

I despair OP. I've given you free legal advice as to what steps you need to take but you're still talking about going to the bank or discussing things with your DF or DH.

I'll say it again slowly... you need an appointment with a Private Client solicitor. They have a thorough understanding of property ownership and inheritance law. They will be able to advise you about adding your name to the deeds and drafting a Deed of Trust in relation to the £100k gift from your DF.

An initial consultation will probably cost you a few hundred quid. You may want to avoid putting that on your credit card where DH will see it!

@JAT49 I have a decent knowledge of world religions - I'm not aware of any which teaches women are second class citizens. Which ones do you mean?

There are however people who are misogynists and chauvinists in every country, and culture - her father who is white british conservative 'christian' seems to be one of them based on his handling of her inheritance.

Hi OP, did you manage to speak to a lawyer today?

@PinotPony It's not the same, but I've made a note of your advice, in case I ever need it, in which case thank you :)

@JAT49 there are unfortunately many that teach women are second class citizens unfortunately operating every day and yes in England! Eg. The one I was raised in women submit to their husbands, only take on childcare role, are not allowed to speak or have a role during services and divorce will see you kicked out, even if it's abusive.

This particular religion operates in every major city and most towns in the uk! My town has 2!

I'm sorry but I don't have much of an update. I've been feeling very hopeless and down today, not helped by some of the nasty and troll hunting comments.

My DH is very stressed right now and I'm wondering if it may be better to wait a week until he's away travelling, then I have distance and time on my side to do things. As it is I'm at home with him all day every day.

I'm not making excuses for myself just this morning reading the posts made me feel really depressed and like I've just messed up my life and I can't get out of it. Everyone keeps going on about the 100k to be honest I barely care about that I just if the worst happens I want to be able to provide a nice home and life for my DC that's all. I've been panicking about should I get a job or not mainly

I will probably draw a lot more flack for that. I'm sorry to disappoint yes I will make the calls and make the appointment, but this is my real life so I have to operate carefully and make sure I time things right.

Oh sorry my religions comment was meant to be towards @IAmAReader

Start a thread in Relationships OP you will find the vibe much more supportive there 💐

Don’t panic OP. Let sleeping dogs lie. Wait until your DH is away and then do as @PinotPony advises.

It’s better not to file a personality like your DH’s anyway tbh.

It sounds like there might be a JW background here which would explain you and your dad's approach to this a little more.

You need to speak to a completely independent solicitor as soon as humanly possible to understand the legalities of everything about this relationship.

Sorry just saw update re him being away next week - I would definitely wait until then to speak to a solicitor in that case. Don't tell your dad you're doing so.

@JAT49 you've taken probably less than a combined 500 words I've written and then think you can summarise my entire life for me.

He was born in the states and is not particularly religious although is a Freemason. The religion I was raised in isn't JW but similar. No one has usually heard of them.

The thread will fill up now anyway. Thank you to the kind and helpful posters I will start another thread in relationships if I feel I need more support with the solicitor and things. Thank you again

I have just read your last post where you say you feel down and hopeless and feel I need to apologise for my post where I wasn’t trolling or being unkind. I’m sorry but I have been worrying about you from the beginning as I escaped a horrific violent marriage not just bruises but headfuck as well and I suffered the beatings bruises healed they didn’t worry thats how I got through, but you will never lose the headfuck what they call you what they threaten and etc. so forgive me if my last post came over too strong. I sit here crying knowing how trapped I felt. I could say a lot more but like you don’t want to be outted. I’m not a troll but can see what is happening to you