To worry we gave away 100k of my inheritance!

[howdidIgetthere]

My DH thinks I am, but if I'm right then it's in his interest to say that!

Basically, we were in a pickle buying a house last year. We were consolidating houses with my DF to purchase a big house, and hoped that myself of my DF could be on the mortgage or deeds as a safety due to my DF helping with the deposit.

To cut a long story and identifying details this wasn't possible. Neither of us could be on a plausible mortgage, and the lenders wouldn't like us on the deeds either. But we needed a house. So as I was already engaged, we agreed between us that my DF would 'gift' 100k of inheritance to my DH so that he could solely purchase the house, but we would get married beforehand to safeguard my stake.

So we eloped without telling anyone else, my DF gifted the money and the house was purchased in my DH's name only. We had a proper wedding a few weeks after and all is well. As far as I know, because the house was purchased after marriage, I have a stake in the house should we divorce, and can get some of that value back in lieu of my inheritance/not be left with no money and nowhere to live.

However, since the purchase the house has had extensive renovations and its value is increasing significantly. I have noticed that my DH keeps referring to people that the purchase date was back in the summer, months before our marriage. I know for a fact from the deeds etc that the closing date was not until a month after we were married, when the funds were transferred. Before the marriage, the mortgage may just have been accepted, but zero money had been exchanged.

When I ask him about this he says iabu for questioning him, that yes he bought it before we got married ie he's taking the acceptance of an offer on the house as when he bought it. This is obviously very worrying for me, as if he bought it before we were married or some other loophole then in the case of divorce I have lost most of my inheritance and have no stake on the house!!!

I don't know why he is saying this as at the time he agreed it was the best option so that all parties were happy and protected. I have resisted a marital rights notice on the deeds, but otherwise I am still not on the deeds or the mortgage (I don't have a high enough income). So who is BU? Have we been misled and given away my inheritance, or is my DH wrong and for some reason trying to say something that's incorrect?

There are plenty of words and phrases used idiomatically by native English speakers which aren't in the dictionary.

I used typist myself, but I've heard others use typer.

I’d be tempted to forget the 100k, finish my studies and get my kids well out of there. Dosnt sound like either man gives a toss about OP’s or OP’s kid’s futures. And that should be the biggest concern.

How well does OP really know this man or his children after 3 years. I’m assuming his kids are older than hers too. And how did they meet, did DF introduce them?

@howdidIgetthere without trying to sound rude, is the mother of DH kids deceased? That’s not an outing question, and makes a huge difference to how to perceive this man, and this situation, in my opinion.

I love these meandering threads
little bit murder mystery (the ex)
little bit of linguistics
some twists and turns
It’s got it all!

@Aesop45 no she's not deceased. My DM is though.

@JAT49 I was born in England but he wasn't.

@NKK thank you for your kind advice, taking it on board

Is this a wind-up thread? 10/10 for effort if so.

@howdidIgetthere I’m sorry for you own loss. But do you know much about DH’s ex, and why isn’t she on the scene? It’s quite unusual for a mother to abandon both her young children!

I’m not suggesting your DH has murdered her, as per another suggestion 😬but trying to understand what on earth could be so bad as to keep her from her own children.

Has he taken them from her from another country?

@Aesop45 they're not her biological children and she has not had any relationship with them by choice. That's all I can say

As for biological DM then I think it was drugs, I don't know much but they were obviously taken away from her by the social system in that country

So you have very little info on the background of his children?!?

Okay, now I think he has killed someone. Or this is a wind up.

If this is genuine, then get the kids away from this creepy conman.

I'd be more worried about the strength of my marriage now tbh not the money. Do you really think your other half would stitch you up ? If you do then divorce now why would you stay with someone like that

@Aesop45 I know that legally he's their DF but no I don't know the ins and outs of their past, that was years before I met him.

What are your next steps op?

The lack of information you have about your DH, his past, his current affairs and his children, is very, very alarming.

I would seriously keep your kids in your sights at all times. And away from his kids too, if they are much older than yours.

Which country is he from? If it’s a poor country with a-lot of known corruption, I think you have been scammed. I’m guessing South Africa.

I think you may have been targeted by your DH to be his housekeeper and it feels like you have been duped. I'm surprised your father just handed over such a huge sum, without thinking about the consequences
Whatever is happening You need to get advice pdq

I know that legally he's their DF but no I don't know the ins and outs of their past, that was years before I met him.

You have kids yourself. It's insane that you don't feel entitled to know the 'ins and outs' of his role as a father in order to keep your children safe and make informed decisions.

It's also incredibly irresponsible to be considering having a child with a man you cannot discuss serious things with calmly without fearing he will "blow up" in anger.

You're scared of him and cannot have open and honest conversations with him.

Why are you making your children live with a man you're scared of and cannot have honest conversations with?

Don't you think they deserve better than that?

Op how did you meet your DH?

I thought he might not have been born in UK as I dont think British people describe themselves as british outside of an administrative context except if they have other nationalities too.

Well OP, I do find this other country element worrying in the sense that you don't know what happened to the kids mother and because shes from another country you have no way of finding out.

Doesnt it freak you out a bit? You seem relaxed about this but I would be a bit scared about this mother situation. There was a birth mother who had her kids taken away because of drugs (doesnt sound like a natural fit with a high powered professional man but okay) and then there was a second "adopted" mother who has zero contact either.

Two women, who presumably had a connection with these kids, just...vanished.

Hi please you have us all trying to help and I know you are concerned about giving too much info. Can you say what country DH was born and religion as some religions seems to think woman are second class. You need to change your passcode can you do this then confirm what country he was born and religion it will help all us that are so concerned for you as at this moment on what you have told us we are all running in different directions. Which means some advise may not help you. Plus I prefer SAFETY to Education and that’s because of the info you have supplied. To be honest your concerns are obvious so protect yourself change password immediately

Ps do your siblings know about the £100k and do your siblings trust your DF

It cannot be such a traditional set up if they ate kids from previous relationships? Or did I read it wrong re chikdren?.

He's Michael Jackson isn't he?

I'm beginning to think this is a plot for a novel

But posters still continue to invest time and energy in to trying to help!

If so, OP is most invested in the safeguard £100' and First-class degree parts of the story. Four children and an abusive relationship, not so much. It's a bit bizarre.