To worry we gave away 100k of my inheritance!

[howdidIgetthere]

My DH thinks I am, but if I'm right then it's in his interest to say that!

Basically, we were in a pickle buying a house last year. We were consolidating houses with my DF to purchase a big house, and hoped that myself of my DF could be on the mortgage or deeds as a safety due to my DF helping with the deposit.

To cut a long story and identifying details this wasn't possible. Neither of us could be on a plausible mortgage, and the lenders wouldn't like us on the deeds either. But we needed a house. So as I was already engaged, we agreed between us that my DF would 'gift' 100k of inheritance to my DH so that he could solely purchase the house, but we would get married beforehand to safeguard my stake.

So we eloped without telling anyone else, my DF gifted the money and the house was purchased in my DH's name only. We had a proper wedding a few weeks after and all is well. As far as I know, because the house was purchased after marriage, I have a stake in the house should we divorce, and can get some of that value back in lieu of my inheritance/not be left with no money and nowhere to live.

However, since the purchase the house has had extensive renovations and its value is increasing significantly. I have noticed that my DH keeps referring to people that the purchase date was back in the summer, months before our marriage. I know for a fact from the deeds etc that the closing date was not until a month after we were married, when the funds were transferred. Before the marriage, the mortgage may just have been accepted, but zero money had been exchanged.

When I ask him about this he says iabu for questioning him, that yes he bought it before we got married ie he's taking the acceptance of an offer on the house as when he bought it. This is obviously very worrying for me, as if he bought it before we were married or some other loophole then in the case of divorce I have lost most of my inheritance and have no stake on the house!!!

I don't know why he is saying this as at the time he agreed it was the best option so that all parties were happy and protected. I have resisted a marital rights notice on the deeds, but otherwise I am still not on the deeds or the mortgage (I don't have a high enough income). So who is BU? Have we been misled and given away my inheritance, or is my DH wrong and for some reason trying to say something that's incorrect?

There is nothing in the OPs posts to suggest she isn’t British. Her writing is completely idiomatically British.
no one says typist any more. Typer is quite normal.

I have good faith that my DH will let me have a career

This made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

Even if you’ve been raised in a conservative (?sexist/misogynist?) household, surely you know that you don’t have to rely on your husband letting you have a career?

Is the conservative Christian background the reason your father would only hand over money to your husband, and not directly to you, the silly little woman who wouldn’t be able to manage it?

This all sounds very abusive. It’s good that you managed to escape your background your teens. I wonder why you went back, though, and to the degree of control by men that you are experiencing now?

You won’t ever flourish in such an environment, OP. You don’t have to be in a situation where you are second to men, and they have control over how you live. Find some anger and get yourself free again.

I have never seen the word 'typer' until now. Typist is the correct term. Meanwhile, as far as the OP is concerned, I agree with PPs to see a solicitor ASAP and she is not being unreasonable in wanting to be on the deeds.

Just wanted to say I'm very sorry. I'm in a similar (yet different) situation and its horrible to feel you are being taken advantage of financially, especially by your husband.

I agree on finding on a solicitor - but having gone through something similar - don't take any crap from somehow who does not feel on your side and is not sympathetic. Obviously their job is to provide legal advice and not be your friend -- but I think it is comforting to find someone you feel is `on your side' and cares.

I wish you the best of luck!!!!!!

You do not have a mortgage with the bank. You are not their client. Putting you on the mortgage has to come from your husband. I suspect he has actually committed fraud with this if he used a mortgage offer based on him being unmarried because, when married, offers are based on total income and reduced by dependants, which is what you are.

If you have kids with him it should work more in your favour anyway. But that sounds all a little strange to me. It’s no good say you should have done this or you should have done that. It’s too late now. Find out what you can do now? 100k is a lot of money to lose.

If you don’t mind me saying so, you seem like you struggle to trust him anyway, is there a reason behind it? Has he done something to make you question him before all this?

Typer is a perfectly reasonable word. In fact saying "I'm a fast typist" sounds non native to me.

OP start a new thread in Relationships maybe?

@Tierne Yes good idea, maybe once I've got advice and done what I need to do I will start a relationships thread for support with telling him/asking him to facilitate it. That's the bit I'm worried about now.

I think your updates and details about the state of your relationship make it sound less and less likely that you will a) be able to protect your £100k b) get him to sign anything to that effect or c) see any of it back in a divorce settlement.

I think the £100k is gone and you and your dad will have learnt an awful lesson. I hope I’m wrong

Why is there no prenuptial agreement? Or even a postnuptial agreement? Also, the date you close on a house is when "it counts"! Not when you put it in escrow. It's not the buyer's property until the actual day of closing, papers are all signed by all parties and notarized, and the keys are handed over! Period! So your DH is full of it. Also, it's very concerning that he's even making such statements to ANYONE at all! I mean, not even mentioning the fact that he would not have been able to buy the house without your father's money! Which was earmarked specifically to you, as your inheritance. Makes me suspicious of your DH like he's up to something. I would seriously suggest you cover your ass now, legally speaking! Don't wait!

I just want to say that when my new husband and myself bought our first house together, I had absolutely no idea about the legalities of house buying whatsoever and left everything to him to do which he was happy to do, having done it before. But I was present at all solicitors and bank appointments that he had so I knew he wasn't hiding anything. I was only in my 20's and quite naive about this sort of thing but I don't think people should be so critical of her lack of knowledge, and not putting more pressure on her DH to make sure she was on the deeds. Seems to me like she has enough to worry about at the moment. Good luck OP with your solicitors' appointment, and please let us know how you get on.

If things deteriorate, or if you are somehow prevented from getting a legally sound interest in the property, well in time, I would be inclined to cut my losses, max out the credit card and leg it.

Divorce him and get a good lawyer to look out for your interests. There is no amount of money that would be worth staying for, or compensate you for walking on eggshells for the rest of your life, or for having to live with a controlling verbally abusive husband. It could get a lot worse I'm afraid. It is no way to live.

Most of us didn’t know anything about buying a house until we had to do it. But then we educated ourselves.

Most of us didn’t do anything as complicated as giving away a huge sum of family money to an unrelated person who then a bought a house with it that was in his name and not ours.

Because that’s very risky and most people with an iota of sense would not do it without

1. making sure that they attended all meetings with profession advisors
2. making sure that they understood what was actually going on when they sighed documents
3. understanding why thsi was the only possibel way to proceed
4. putting safeguards in place
5. getting independent legal advice .

Having home rights is not the same as owning a property. It just means she has a right to live there. Her husband doesn’t need her permission to sell it or remortgage it .

One third of marriages end in divorce.

Any woman who doesn’t know this and gives away a lot of money in this way is very foolish . I hope her solicitor is able to sort this out for her and her children .

The OP didn't give the money away though - he dad did. She argued with him and with the DH regarding the need for a trust deed - it's not her that was in favour of giving the money away with no genuine safeguards.

Everyone is acting as though this £100k was the OPs money which she took decisions about, but it never really was her money or her decision.

First it was her dad's, then it was her husband's. Calling it an inheritance muddies the water imo, because it wasn't actually an inheritance.

You can either kick up a stink now and try and get the deeds and the mortgage sorted; or you could get your head down finish your degree, get either a Master’s or start a career (do not get pregnant), and then make a stand/walk away when you’re better off financially and you’d be likely to get your money back in a divorce settlement.

Problem is that if you try and sort it now and he thwarts you and the resulting rows end the relationship, you won’t get that money back. So it depends how much you can bear him really.

Why couldn't the £100K be gifted to you and acknowledged as the deposit on the house and put in your name, your husband's contribution could then be the mortgage.

I'd get it sorted legally straight away if I were you.

If you do the work getting the new deeds drawn up (cheap and easy) it’s just a signature from him. If he resists, it’s a big red flag.

Op, what the fuck?! Firstly, you’d better be hoping your df lives for 7 years after this ‘gift’ or else it’s subject to inheritance tax.

Secondly, are you bloody mad?

Why on earth couldn’t this be at least a joint purchase?

You've out yourself in a ridiculous situation in the event you are ever divorced. You’re DH is laughing all the way the the bank. Crazy.

Whether you're married or not is irrelevant, if you aren't on the deeds you aren't a legal owner.

You need legal advice.

When we bought our home I was on a pittance salary, and the year after became a stay at home parent (non-earner) and I was put on both the deeds and mortgage when we bought (joint mortgage). So tbh I'm unsure as to why you are not, who's suggestion was it that you were left off? DH??
You have to show the lender that you can cover the mortgage as a joint mortgage (between you) so I am confused on this- they look at combined income which means you can borrow more. Even if one of you has bad credit, if the other doesn't then lenders are usually wary but it's possible.
I really suggest you seek professional legal advice on this; yes at divorce you'd be privy to half (which would be market value of the property at the time so the increase in house prices/value due to some improvement is redundant), but I really think as it was your inheritance and DF cash that you should be on the legal documents to show you own half your home that you paid for..

On the timings, an offer, offer in kind, anything (!!) etc doesn't matter, so DH is wrong. The exchange date, (when the contracts are exchanged/deposit paid) is when it becomes legally binding. Completion date is usually set at exchange and on completion you both move and pay the rest of the money. So on exchange it becomes legally binding and completion is the date from which you own your home (legal ownership is transferred). I'm not sure why he's saying the things he's saying (probably not sinister but still weird). Is it some kind of bragging thing to peers/colleagues "we bought in this area just before prices rose and now we're flush blah blah"?
.............................

Some info for you so you can see what he's saying is incorrect:

"The main difference between exchange and completion is that the 'exchange' is an exchange of contracts, which makes the matter legally binding between the buyer and seller, whereas 'completion' is the date the parties physically move and transfer legal ownership of the property."

"At any point up to exchange of contracts, the agreement to buy or sell a property is not legally binding. This means the seller or buyer can withdraw from the transaction at any time. This uncertainty is one key reason why everyone want to exchange contracts as quickly as possible but unfortunately, exchange of contracts can only take place when all finances are in place (e.g. a mortgage offer has been received) and the vast majority of the legal work has been completed.If you are in a chain of transactions, exchange can only happen when every party in that chain is ready to go ahead."

How does exchange work in practise?

The actual process of exchanging contracts is dealt with in a telephone conversation between the acting lawyers. In this conversation, the terms of the contract are confirmed and the buyer’s lawyer will confirm the amount of the deposit being handed over on exchange.
This is usually 10% of the purchase price.

Once exchange of contracts has taken place, both buyer and seller are legally committed to the purchase. If the buyer did not go ahead with the purchase, they would lose their deposit at a minimum and, if the seller refused to go ahead, the contract could potentially be enforced through the courts and the seller forced to vacate, or the buyer could be awarded damages.

What happens after exchange?

When exchanging contracts, the “completion” date is also confirmed. The completion date, put simply, is moving day. It’s the date on which the seller must vacate the property and the buyer will get the keys and can move in. Fundamentally, on completion, the buyer must, through their lawyer, hand over all the remaining money required to purchase the property.

It’s really important when exchanging contracts that the date set for completion is achievable and that the seller knows they can remove themselves and their belongings on or before the agreed date and that the buyer knows they will have the money ready, either through a mortgage offer or their own resources.

Er snowed under by work and this more important than your anxiety about the situation? Get legal advice on your own why does he need to be involved in advice given to you? If your father used money on your behalf that needs legal recognition. Sounds like you might need this unfortunately.

You talk like someone who doesn't feel like they have any autonomy and doesn't know how to get their voice heard. Also for someone thinking of doing postgraduate work in humanities you are remarkabley blinkered in your understanding of your own situation . if what you say is true your husband is verbally and emotionally abusive and is either a con man and a swindler or thinks you don't have the capacity to deal with your own money.
Stop Asking anyone for permission and get legal advice on your status / don't forget to bring along documents to the meeting as your explanations don't make a lot of sense and the less facts you have the more work it will take the solicitor to sort it and the more it will cost you.

Also what do you think having a child together will achieve other than tj licmnan abusive person into your life forever.
madness