To worry we gave away 100k of my inheritance!

[howdidIgetthere]

My DH thinks I am, but if I'm right then it's in his interest to say that!

Basically, we were in a pickle buying a house last year. We were consolidating houses with my DF to purchase a big house, and hoped that myself of my DF could be on the mortgage or deeds as a safety due to my DF helping with the deposit.

To cut a long story and identifying details this wasn't possible. Neither of us could be on a plausible mortgage, and the lenders wouldn't like us on the deeds either. But we needed a house. So as I was already engaged, we agreed between us that my DF would 'gift' 100k of inheritance to my DH so that he could solely purchase the house, but we would get married beforehand to safeguard my stake.

So we eloped without telling anyone else, my DF gifted the money and the house was purchased in my DH's name only. We had a proper wedding a few weeks after and all is well. As far as I know, because the house was purchased after marriage, I have a stake in the house should we divorce, and can get some of that value back in lieu of my inheritance/not be left with no money and nowhere to live.

However, since the purchase the house has had extensive renovations and its value is increasing significantly. I have noticed that my DH keeps referring to people that the purchase date was back in the summer, months before our marriage. I know for a fact from the deeds etc that the closing date was not until a month after we were married, when the funds were transferred. Before the marriage, the mortgage may just have been accepted, but zero money had been exchanged.

When I ask him about this he says iabu for questioning him, that yes he bought it before we got married ie he's taking the acceptance of an offer on the house as when he bought it. This is obviously very worrying for me, as if he bought it before we were married or some other loophole then in the case of divorce I have lost most of my inheritance and have no stake on the house!!!

I don't know why he is saying this as at the time he agreed it was the best option so that all parties were happy and protected. I have resisted a marital rights notice on the deeds, but otherwise I am still not on the deeds or the mortgage (I don't have a high enough income). So who is BU? Have we been misled and given away my inheritance, or is my DH wrong and for some reason trying to say something that's incorrect?

Sorry I’ve just repeated pp didn’t see those comments before posting

Your Dh is going to blow up when it comes to getting you on the deeds, expect that now so you toughen up, get angry. But please don’t expect your dad to back you up, he won’t, you’re on your own so be prepared to do this alone.

Many parents pass on ‘inheritance’ money before they die because of tax issues, that’s quite normal. The abnormal bit is giving it to someone else.

Surely the 25% deposit refers to the mortgage deposit not the exchange deposit.

Yes you never said you were early twenties but you said twenties so someone isnt really embellishing rather than seeing it wrong, even i had to re read your comment and can see how someone might mistakenly thought you were early twenties rather than late twenties.

Do you have siblings? If so, are they aware of what your DF has done and what do they think?

@JellyBeanFactory op said she has siblings.

theres a limit of £3,000 in any tax year under the UK gov gifting rules, to be tax efficient.

There's no stipulation that it has to be a relative, it can be anyone, a friend or family, whoever you want.

£10K blows the limit by a long way.

Hi sorry to butt in. But how do you get on the deeds?

Maybe it depends who your mortgage is with. I don't work and I couldn't go on the mortgage. I can't remember why now.

It is not a word in the English dictionary!

Huge glaring errors in the first sentence. If you really are genuine, please re-think your future plans to do a Masters or PhD in English without going back to school first!

I’m sorry I can’t believe a lot of this now. Just one question I would like to ask. Is DH British white and what region is he you have stated that you are White British and I know you say you have to be careful as you could be outted can you explain does your DH DF have access to your phone etc. you mention your siblings are they aware of your situation. You say they have received no money from your DF as yet. But do they know the position you are in because of your DH what are their views.

Uh Oh!

@Plantstrees maybe it was autocorrect I don't know.. As explained many times I have been typing in a rush.

You will be relieved to know I am well aware of the difference between bought and brought etc and have never once been marked down for grammar or spelling although perhaps I'm a little lazy as I have software that corrects me on word automatically.

I can send you one of my 95% essays if you don't believe me 😂

@JAT49 DH is part British yes but white. He doesn't have access to my phone although knows my passcode. If he saw me spending a lot of time typing on Mumsnet though he would probably get suspicious and demand to see, and believe me he would hit the roof.

My siblings know vaguely I'm not sure they know the exact details. One is too young to really care or get involved and another had very big issues yes, they don't trust my DH.

If he saw me spending a lot of time typing on Mumsnet though he would probably get suspicious and demand to see, and believe me he would hit the roof.

This isn't a belief you'd get if this wasn't an abusive relationship. It is so far from normal for a partner to make a demand and then hit the roof, I promise. So if you know that he would do that, this isn't a safe relationship emotionally for you to be in.

I think once you're out of this relationship, your eyes will open to lots of red flags you have either missed or ignored.

Your dad hasn't helped by dismissing the red flags you did see and raise to your dad re the deposit / future inheritance money.

I don't know what your dad's motivations are but they seem shady as fuck. None of this benefits you at all and you're his daughter.

"Part British"...

howdidIgetthere. Does this also cause an inheritance tax issue? If your DF gifted you £100K and you gave it to your husband, if anything happens to your DF, you would be legally responsible for paying IHT, or as it stands to date, your husband would (that's my understanding of IHT). You need legal advice IMO.

Normally, if he died the estate would be responsible for any tax on the amount of the gift that would be taxable (it diminishes over time, and none would be owing if DF lived for 7 years from the date of the gift). The money could only be claimed back from the receiver of the gift if he had given a total of 325k+ in the 7 years before he died.

I thread moves just as I compose my posts and now my brain is fried!
All I can say is Please seek legal advice, without breathing a word to your DF and 'DH
Your situation is incredibly complicated and at a guess I think religious views play a part in this too
If for example you are quakers, Do not involve a "trusted" member of your community either

@howdidIgetthere What I find quite concerning for you is that your gut is telling you one thing (probably the right thing) and your DF and DH are both telling you something else. It seems like the transaction was between them and you are just seen as a mutual link.

A lot or people.on here are trying to encourage you to be independent in thought about this for your own sake and for the sake of your child. i don't think anyone means any malice.

Your DF also sounds like he doesn't want to "rock the boat" with your DH, like he has something over you both. Is DF intimidated by your DH or feels indebted to him in some way? If he does then you challenging DH is going to make your DF feel uncomfortable only because you will be affecting the arrangement your DF has with your DH.

What I personally find uncomfortable about this situation is that you are being treated like "the little woman indoors" who shouldn't bother herself in the affairs (finances) of men. It is very patronising of them to try and discourage you for thinking for yourself, which you are clearly capable of doing.

A lot of things you have mentioned on here about the situation, such as the mortgage broker being pushy, the mortgage offer being too good to be true to delay etc are what you were told by the very men who you now say you feel you cannot trust.

As numerous others have said, the only way you will know what is what is by speaking to a solicitor. You may also be able to get some free advice from Citizens Advice Bureau. The bank will not discuss a mortgage with you unless you are the account holder. Usually when banks say they don't want a spouse named on the mortgage when they are not in a position to pay anything towards the mortgage is to protect themselves in case a spouse makes claim to any part of the property if there is a situation of repossession.

BTW I have an English degree and it is not exactly a money spinner, neither is a Masters degree or a PhD unless it is for an actual profession, like Accountancy, Medicine Engineering etc. Good luck.with your Careers meeting tomorrow and with getting legal advice.

I would also think very carefully about why your dreams and life choices are seen as trivial by your DH. You are meant to be his equal in all things (who cares if he has more money, clearly didn't have enough to buy a house without you and your DF), don't put up with being verbally and emotionally abused. Easier said than done, I know. Look up Narcissistic Personality. Your DH's agenda is very much self-focussed from what you say. He's not interested in anything you think, say or believe if it doesn't benefit him.

Best of luck, my dear. Hope you get the answers you need. Trust your gut.

thanks for replying you say he is part British can you add to that to be more exact and your religion and your DH and DF. understand you are finding it difficult to -. 1) being able Reply
2)to be on the phone all the time. Until you can answer these questions. I’m inclined to say go to the police as going by your replies I think your DF has obtained his money dishonest, I also think he has sold you to your DH. Please confirm if I am right ie were you and your husband both born in England. I’m beginning to feel concerned with your age the fact you have two children you don’t say ages you seem to this a higher education is going to get it help your situation.

OP said she grew up in a strict Christian household, and left as a teen.
Maybe her DH has effectively paid this main to ‘take on’ his unmarried daughter with two children because of his religious views. It might explain his total lack of concern to safeguard her or the grandchildren's futures properly.

I’d really like to understand where the other women are in this story. Where is OP’s mother, and the mother of the DH’s children?

It would seem to me to be like a dowry, I'm not clear who is the father of her children a patriarchal father could well pay rich man to “take her on” to put stability into her life.

Or it could all be fiction

I think there's a lot of confusion here between deeds: there is the mortgage deed and the title deeds to the property, which you are required to be on yo have a legal. Interest in the property.

The former you wouldn't be on if not a party to the mortgage, but the title deeds you should be on.

Doesn't mean you have no interest in the property if you aren't (and this is quite a complex and developing area of trust and property law so you MUST speak to a lawyer); and your father 'gifting' the money to him not you raises some.complications (all for which I am far from.qualified to give you any advice).

Marriage however isnt the magic bullet to any of these questions, a wife not on the title deeds does not automatically gain property rights.

Frankly it sounds like your partner is trying to take advantage of you. Citizens' advice can help for free if cash is a problem.