To worry we gave away 100k of my inheritance!

[howdidIgetthere]

My DH thinks I am, but if I'm right then it's in his interest to say that!

Basically, we were in a pickle buying a house last year. We were consolidating houses with my DF to purchase a big house, and hoped that myself of my DF could be on the mortgage or deeds as a safety due to my DF helping with the deposit.

To cut a long story and identifying details this wasn't possible. Neither of us could be on a plausible mortgage, and the lenders wouldn't like us on the deeds either. But we needed a house. So as I was already engaged, we agreed between us that my DF would 'gift' 100k of inheritance to my DH so that he could solely purchase the house, but we would get married beforehand to safeguard my stake.

So we eloped without telling anyone else, my DF gifted the money and the house was purchased in my DH's name only. We had a proper wedding a few weeks after and all is well. As far as I know, because the house was purchased after marriage, I have a stake in the house should we divorce, and can get some of that value back in lieu of my inheritance/not be left with no money and nowhere to live.

However, since the purchase the house has had extensive renovations and its value is increasing significantly. I have noticed that my DH keeps referring to people that the purchase date was back in the summer, months before our marriage. I know for a fact from the deeds etc that the closing date was not until a month after we were married, when the funds were transferred. Before the marriage, the mortgage may just have been accepted, but zero money had been exchanged.

When I ask him about this he says iabu for questioning him, that yes he bought it before we got married ie he's taking the acceptance of an offer on the house as when he bought it. This is obviously very worrying for me, as if he bought it before we were married or some other loophole then in the case of divorce I have lost most of my inheritance and have no stake on the house!!!

I don't know why he is saying this as at the time he agreed it was the best option so that all parties were happy and protected. I have resisted a marital rights notice on the deeds, but otherwise I am still not on the deeds or the mortgage (I don't have a high enough income). So who is BU? Have we been misled and given away my inheritance, or is my DH wrong and for some reason trying to say something that's incorrect?

So if you are on the Deeds after all then you need to get some legal advice rather than asking for advice on here, as I doubt there are many qualified to give it. You sound very naive and confused (sorry but you do), and you’d be best to speak to a solicitor for advice on your rights.
you husband sounds like he is coercive controlling you, withholding information from you which is fishy. Hence why you need to speak to a legal professional..

Yes, all the people talking about "OP's contribution" are going by the sense that because it was supposedly intended as her inheritance, then it's morally hers.

But legally that money was never hers. Her DF gave it to her DH. I think the £100k is the least of her worries though.

For any woman in a position like this (abusive DH, financially controlled) I would advise them to (a) use bombproof contraception, (b) get a job, (c) squirrel some money in the bank, and (d) leave. It doesn't matter what the divorce settlement ends up being - wasting your youth on an abusive men is not worth it.

These men are getting what they want from the OP (sex/ nanny/ housekeeper for the DH and old-age-care with comfortable housing for the DF) but they don't give a shit about her wants or needs. They aren't at all bothered about what she wants to get out of life.

However I didnt think abandoning your children was looked on well at all in the traveller community so would they really both be single parents?

He could well be a widow. The mum isn't on the scene at all.

She could be seen as damaged goods in the community. Hence the dad's eagerness to pair her up.

It could be innocent but indeed this story of the strangely absent mother gives me the chills

A woman abandoning her children is very, very rare. All the single fathers that I know are widowers. So that is my starting assumption.

OP from the posts you sound like an intelligent, strong, independent person. Your DH sounds from the posts potentially like a bit of a hustler. Always a bit hard to tell from reading some posts.

In many ways the way how the posts are written he sounds like a horrific man you should stay away from. However, how was your relationship before this specific issue? Do you know why his marriage broke up? Were there any controlling issues / abusive behaviour?

It does sound like you both are very strong minded people, rather than you being one that should be too worried about long term abuse. It sound like if that become a serious issue you would deal with it rather promptly? Is my assessment fair? It sound like your arguments are mainly around this specific issue and it sounds like things are escalating because of that?

Are you able to step back and explain to DH in a very calm manner what your worries are and ask him how he would feel in your shoes? Sometimes things can escalate if there are two strong minded people rather than having someone with slightly cooler head.

I may be very wrong about what your situation is like, though, and would also say if it looks like real control and abuse issues try to take the appropriate action sooner rather than later.

However, your post wasn’t about that at all and I’m not sure if that is an issue or it just come across like that from the post.

T be frank, despite my earlier concerns, I am now pretty much convinced OP is spinning a web of fantasy and fiction purely to entertain herself.🙄

Apart from anything else she is totally ignoring some very pertinent questions that would not identify her or him in anyway. But her answers would clarify if this is genuine or not. I know where I'm placing my bet on this fairytale.

Next!!!!

I missed that but OP has a lot of posts.

Given what's written here, I'd guess the mum had her children taken away through no fault of her own.

It's not about typing errors. There are some very weird grammatical errors and sentence structures in most of your posts that made me question your heritage and written English. The use of 'typer' is a classic example - the word you are looking for is 'typist'.

😂

Yes agreed. I came here to post the same thing.

Not to mention all the other comments from a variety of posters about how she must be either mentally ill or stupid to have got into this vulnerable position, which have totally shocked me. Surely we should know better than that. Many intelligent and otherwise capable women can end up vulnerable. The OP's mistake here was to trust the men she loved and to not advocate for herself by getting separate legal advice. She was limited by her life experience and confidence, NOT intelligence.

I always think to myself in these fictional threads that the OP should actually start a thread. An honest one. Asking for support because she’s lonely and bored

No where have I once said the op should be grateful

I find the whole scenario farcical and it’s been like reading a short story by Richard Osman!

Non you've just repeatedly banged the drum about what an amazingly high standard on living she has, which she couldn't afford on her own.... 🙄

Your misogyny has been showing throughout the thread.

If you have a Home Rights Notice registered on the property title deeds, then you are protected in the event of a divorce, as your DH will not be able to sell the property without your agreement. The solicitors acting for you and your DH in dealing with the marital divorce will need to negotiate the split of assets that you both have to agree. Obviously that would be up for negotiation and is likely to be 50/50, but at least you do have some protection.

Alternatively, you could persuade your DH to agree to a Transfer of Equity. The lender would have to agree, but a conveyancing solicitor can help with this. You and DH would need to sign some Land Registry forms: ID1s for each of you, and a TR1 (Transfer document) and the application form (AP1) needed to apply to the Land Registry.

Unfortunately, as you didn't ring fence the £100k, that will be considered a marital asset in the event of a divorce.

It's not about typing errors. There are some very weird grammatical errors and sentence structures in most of your posts that made me question your heritage and written English. The use of 'typer' is a classic example - the word you are looking for is 'typist'.

I think typer is a totally normal choice here.

I could answer all of your questions but for obvious reasons that would not very sensible. Yes this is true, no I've not made it up.

I'm sorting out the solicitor etc but I'm worried about how to deal with DH. I keep worrying about how he's going to react when he finds out I've gone to a solicitor and feel like they're going to say he needs to attend the appointment or talk to the lender and he'll manage to sidestep that somehow.

It wasn't my choice to not be in the meetings/phone calls at the time. I was shut out of it.

I reported to MN yesterday as I thought it was a crock of 💩 but they said they have no concerns!!!

I was bought up in a very conservative christian household (left as a teenager) but I wouldn't describe myself as passive. I did fight for this at the time.

Say you know how busy he is and you wanted to take this task to make his life easier. Point out you were only seeking legal advice on what he had said would happen so why does he have a problem with that.

I wish I could answer the questions but the circumstance I'd need to explain are very identifying. I could only do it by changing details

@NeoXY yes that's fair and yes if I was being abused I would leave. I agree that this is bordering financial abuse although have good faith that my DH will let me have a career.

I spoke to my DF about it again but he was not very helpful, saying I am protected enough and I would have to approach the bank and pay fees. I reiterated that no, we agreed I would be on the deeds properly and that's what I want, there is no reason for me not to be. However he thinks speaking to the bank first is best so I may ring them first tomorrow to query the process and then speak to the solicitor

We aren't travellers.

Look again, I realise on MN people like to pick apart grammar and if I was going to carefully edit all my posts, there wouldn't be any errors. As it is it's the weekend, I'm dealing with children, house things etc. my DH is around, I don't have time to carefully compose and write my replies.

@elephantknees give me a non-identifying question and I will answer