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AIBU?

To worry we gave away 100k of my inheritance!

1000 replies

howdidIgetthere · 09/09/2022 15:33

My DH thinks I am, but if I'm right then it's in his interest to say that!

Basically, we were in a pickle buying a house last year. We were consolidating houses with my DF to purchase a big house, and hoped that myself of my DF could be on the mortgage or deeds as a safety due to my DF helping with the deposit.

To cut a long story and identifying details this wasn't possible. Neither of us could be on a plausible mortgage, and the lenders wouldn't like us on the deeds either. But we needed a house. So as I was already engaged, we agreed between us that my DF would 'gift' 100k of inheritance to my DH so that he could solely purchase the house, but we would get married beforehand to safeguard my stake.

So we eloped without telling anyone else, my DF gifted the money and the house was purchased in my DH's name only. We had a proper wedding a few weeks after and all is well. As far as I know, because the house was purchased after marriage, I have a stake in the house should we divorce, and can get some of that value back in lieu of my inheritance/not be left with no money and nowhere to live.

However, since the purchase the house has had extensive renovations and its value is increasing significantly. I have noticed that my DH keeps referring to people that the purchase date was back in the summer, months before our marriage. I know for a fact from the deeds etc that the closing date was not until a month after we were married, when the funds were transferred. Before the marriage, the mortgage may just have been accepted, but zero money had been exchanged.

When I ask him about this he says iabu for questioning him, that yes he bought it before we got married ie he's taking the acceptance of an offer on the house as when he bought it. This is obviously very worrying for me, as if he bought it before we were married or some other loophole then in the case of divorce I have lost most of my inheritance and have no stake on the house!!!

I don't know why he is saying this as at the time he agreed it was the best option so that all parties were happy and protected. I have resisted a marital rights notice on the deeds, but otherwise I am still not on the deeds or the mortgage (I don't have a high enough income). So who is BU? Have we been misled and given away my inheritance, or is my DH wrong and for some reason trying to say something that's incorrect?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

1608 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
13%
You are NOT being unreasonable
87%
NotGoodEnoughSally · 09/09/2022 15:36

Did you or your father take any legal advice before this happened? If not, get it now.

drinkfeck · 09/09/2022 15:37

Jesus Christ. What have I read

Did you get legal advice?

How long have you known dh. Is he generally an untrustworthy knob?

Nowisthemonthofmaying · 09/09/2022 15:38

You're married now so it doesn't really matter whether he bought it before or not, especially if you have proof of the gift from your dad. You should get yourself on the deeds though, no reason not to be on there.

Ingleduh · 09/09/2022 15:39

I don't understand why you couldn't be on the deeds and just not on the mortgage? Did he tell you this or was it the lender?

If your planning on staying married and trust your husband then I don't think it's a major issue but it defo sounds a bit sus.

FairyLightAddict · 09/09/2022 15:39

Surely you got legal advice before proceeding?

endofthelinefinally · 09/09/2022 15:40

When you buy a property the solicitor needs to clarify where funds come from because of money laundering rules. Presumably everything was documented and there is an audit trail. I don't understand why your DH bought the house in his sole name. Check that there is a detailed and accurate audit trail and speak to your solicitor about putting the house in joint names. You should probably be tenants in common and the solicitor should have drawn up a deed of trust. I would be very unhappy if my DH wasn't willing to go through all the paperwork with me though, if I were in your position.

pigsDOfly · 09/09/2022 15:40

You need to get your name on the deeds.

You don't have to have your name on the mortgage to have your name on the deeds.

You need to get legal advice and get this done ASAP.

PeekAtYou · 09/09/2022 15:40

SAHM with zero income can be on the deeds and mortgage. The bank work out how much can be borrowed based on the husband earning X and wife earning zero.

JoeyThePrawn · 09/09/2022 15:41

Speak to a solicitor please

DreamingofItaly2023 · 09/09/2022 15:41

Why couldn’t you be on the deeds or mortgage? I am a SAHM with no income but am on both mortgage and deeds.

however you should be fine, the completion date is what matters not the offer date surely. The house was not legally your DH’s until completion, was that after you were married?

pippinsleftleg · 09/09/2022 15:41

DH can say what he wants but legally you bought when you completed. And who cares who he’s saying this to - they won’t get to decide how finances are split in case you divorce.

I don’t see why your low income would stop you being on the mortgage as you would be buying jointly.

I hope you took legal advice because your DH sounds very dodgy…

JuneOsborne · 09/09/2022 15:42

This is madness. You're right to be worried. Why is he being a dick about it?

TeenDivided · 09/09/2022 15:42

You/he only bought it on the day the sale completed.

titchy · 09/09/2022 15:42

What the actual fuck ShockShockShock Why didn't your father just gift the money to you? As it stands the equity in the house would be split according to need, which would be decided by a judge so you wouldn't necessarily get half the house at all. Your dh could well potentially walk away with all that deposit.

howdidIgetthere · 09/09/2022 15:42

We got some yes, but more about potential mortgage structuring than this specific scenario. It was the lender (told through the mortgage broker) that said they wouldn't like me on the deed, we did explore this. I was told I could apply to be on the deed 6 months after purchase. Obviously it's been 6 months now but I think we have to go to the bank to apply?

I can push for this. He was just notified about the marital rights thing I'm worried he'll say there's no need for me to be on the deed now. I think we need to make an appt with the bank, the issue I have is that I obviously need him to do it and he's majorly snowed under with work right now and seemed a little reluctant last time I asked.

OP posts:
HotToddyColdSauvignon · 09/09/2022 15:43

pigsDOfly · 09/09/2022 15:40

You need to get your name on the deeds.

You don't have to have your name on the mortgage to have your name on the deeds.

You need to get legal advice and get this done ASAP.

This. Deeds and mortgage are separate things. You need to be on the deeds

Ihaveanoldiphone · 09/09/2022 15:44

Get on the deeds now. If he’s stalling then I’d take that as a massive red flag. I think you’ve sleep walked into this abit.

howdidIgetthere · 09/09/2022 15:44

But just to clarify as this is what my DF says, the purchase date of a property is when funds are exchanged isn't it? the closing date on the deeds. Not before?

So then in that case it was purchased after. My DF is a very sensible and careful person and he doesn't seem to be concerned at all. When I asked him he just says it was purchased after we were married so it's fine, I have some protection.

As for proving gift, we were told that legally if you 'gift' money then you have absolutely no recourse on it.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 09/09/2022 15:45

Your DF should have had a charge on the house

But get legal advice and sort it now

AChickenClucks · 09/09/2022 15:45

I wasn't on our mortgage application because I wasn't earning at the time (busy birthing babies!) but I'm on the deeds and DH would never say it's 'his' house, just because the mortgage application was made at a time when I wasn't earning enough to be part of it.

You need legal advice urgently, OP.

SarahProblem · 09/09/2022 15:45

Get more legal advice OP. This seems so dodgy.

DreamingofItaly2023 · 09/09/2022 15:45

Yes purchase is on completion which is when the money has been received.

howdidIgetthere · 09/09/2022 15:45

He is a high earner though and I'm a student. Do you know if they should accept me on the deeds?

OP posts:
DreamingofItaly2023 · 09/09/2022 15:46

howdidIgetthere · 09/09/2022 15:45

He is a high earner though and I'm a student. Do you know if they should accept me on the deeds?

As I said OP I am a SAHM and am on both mortgage and deeds, I can’t work out why your lender had an issue with this. Did you try other lenders?

HotToddyColdSauvignon · 09/09/2022 15:46

….”he's majorly snowed under with work right now and seemed a little reluctant last time I asked.”

OP….. you know you’re being fobbed off don’t you? Does he have a coffee during the day? Does he have 15mins to eat a sandwich? Then he can fill in a form

Here, this is the link. www.gov.uk/registering-land-or-property-with-land-registry/transfer-ownership-of-your-property

But I’m guessing he’ll find another excuse 🙄

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