To worry we gave away 100k of my inheritance!

[howdidIgetthere]

My DH thinks I am, but if I'm right then it's in his interest to say that!

Basically, we were in a pickle buying a house last year. We were consolidating houses with my DF to purchase a big house, and hoped that myself of my DF could be on the mortgage or deeds as a safety due to my DF helping with the deposit.

To cut a long story and identifying details this wasn't possible. Neither of us could be on a plausible mortgage, and the lenders wouldn't like us on the deeds either. But we needed a house. So as I was already engaged, we agreed between us that my DF would 'gift' 100k of inheritance to my DH so that he could solely purchase the house, but we would get married beforehand to safeguard my stake.

So we eloped without telling anyone else, my DF gifted the money and the house was purchased in my DH's name only. We had a proper wedding a few weeks after and all is well. As far as I know, because the house was purchased after marriage, I have a stake in the house should we divorce, and can get some of that value back in lieu of my inheritance/not be left with no money and nowhere to live.

However, since the purchase the house has had extensive renovations and its value is increasing significantly. I have noticed that my DH keeps referring to people that the purchase date was back in the summer, months before our marriage. I know for a fact from the deeds etc that the closing date was not until a month after we were married, when the funds were transferred. Before the marriage, the mortgage may just have been accepted, but zero money had been exchanged.

When I ask him about this he says iabu for questioning him, that yes he bought it before we got married ie he's taking the acceptance of an offer on the house as when he bought it. This is obviously very worrying for me, as if he bought it before we were married or some other loophole then in the case of divorce I have lost most of my inheritance and have no stake on the house!!!

I don't know why he is saying this as at the time he agreed it was the best option so that all parties were happy and protected. I have resisted a marital rights notice on the deeds, but otherwise I am still not on the deeds or the mortgage (I don't have a high enough income). So who is BU? Have we been misled and given away my inheritance, or is my DH wrong and for some reason trying to say something that's incorrect?

We've been married for almost a year. No plans to divorce at the moment. I can ask a solicitor as I need to sort out a will as well but do I just ask how to protect myself I guess? I will ask my DH what's in his will and if we can make an appt for me to go on the mortgage

If he was earning enough to potentially save £100k in 2 years, why on earth would he have needed her family's money to buy the house?

Use your common sense.

Given how muddled the op seems to be about the entire process and situation - I would not be surprised if she’s misunderstood.

either way - shit show of a relationship if you suspect this of your partner

Get your own legal advice, OP, advice designed to safeguard your interests.

Erase the words 'DH says' from your vocabulary entirely. Verify everything yourself, consulting professionals where necessary.

Given that he has children, it is highly likely that the OP is not the beneficiary of any life insurance or death in service benefits he may have. His children probably are.

What????

why aren’t you on the mortgage, you don’t even need to have an income, you should be on that mortgage!

the money wasn't gifted until after we were married and again because it was a gift and had to be there's no recourse, we couldn't do a declaration of trust on that as again we were told the lender wouldn't have anyone else's name on it (well I guess it would have had to be reapplied for but at a higher rate) the broker was very pushy

Another one who says to be careful with what is in the will. I'm the sole owner of my home (bought before meeting DH). I'm sure he assumes that he will be inheriting it. He won't, my children are named in my will.

As long as you make provisions for your husband (in my case a right to reside), you don't have to leave your assets to your spouse.

Because I think it’s very relevant.

It would very quickly add up if you are 100% financially supporting another adult and possibly even paying for their studies. With no employment lined up.

Who told you?

And who said the broker was pushy? (Gjve that you say you weren't in the meetings, someone must have told you this)

And if the broker really was pushy, why did your DH not approach another one? There are plenty out there. And you don't even necessarily need to use a broker at all.

Does your DH demand you “verify” every cost Op that you spend of the 100% financial support he is providing you?

Still completely irrelevant unless your suggesting OP should be paying her husband to be her husband?

we agreed between us that my DF would 'gift' 100k of inheritance to my DH so that he could solely purchase the house
^ this is bonkers.

It was the lender (told through the mortgage broker) that said they wouldn't like me on the deed, we did explore this.
This only makes sense if the broker is very good mates with the DH and in on it with him. Although from later comments it's also unclear if the lender was ever updated on the changed marital status.

It wouldn't entitle you to steal their money though, would it?

Your earnings no matter how low are not the reason you couldn't be on the mortgage. it was your credit rating.

As others have said, get legal advice.

Have you read the posts? This is an Op utterly muddled from start to finish about every and any aspect.

I reckon there is a lot more to this.

I would not be surprised if there was some mental health problems here, involving paranoia

So money contributed from her side morally belongs to her, but money contributed from his counts for nothing?

Why should we ignore his financial contribution, but not ignore her fathers?

"You money is our money, but mine is my own."

He is older than me yes.

Well, yes he pays for everything. I used to work but it suits him better for me not to work so I'm available for events and when he has to travel I can take care of the children.

Would I be better getting a job even though we don't need the extra money? I'm starting the last year of my degree

So you basically just have your DH word for all of it 🤦‍♀️

Oh dear OP you have been exceptionally naive at every step here

I'd speak to a solicitor if I were you. You're married so I think you'd still be entitled to something in the event of a split but at the very least I'd consider a transfer of equity on the property.

The broker wants his commission, that’s why he was pushy. Your broker is working for you (or rather your DH, not the other way round).

Because her fathers money was a gift to her, that’s been passed over her head and lied about and now she might not ever see a penny of it again. It’s completely different to a spouse working to support their family. The husband had clearly been withholding information about it, they have no shared children so if he did decide to leave he could just up and leave and op is left with nothing. This is HER inheritance.

As it stands at the moment, your husband can sell the house and the first you know about it is when the new owners turn up. There is a lot in what you are saying that makes me think that your husband has been less than honest with you. Get your name on the deeds now or he can remortgage or resell your house and you will have lost your £100k

Another one who says to be careful with what is in the will. I'm the sole owner of my home (bought before meeting DH). I'm sure he assumes that he will be inheriting it. He won't, my children are named in my will

haven’t you told him? Saves your kids an awful lot of hassle if he decides to contest in the shock of finding out when you’re dead.

I’m the same. Dh knows, and is fine with it. I still worry that his ex and kids might come after it for “their” share, as he has no other assets so when he dies there will be nothing beyond personal possessions, yet my children will inherit a house. I can see it causing issues.

How long have you been with him?

and in anyway whatever is he controlling over the 100% financial support he provides you?

Has he also funded your studies?