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Original poster

To worry we gave away 100k of my inheritance!

1000 replies

howdidIgetthere · 09/09/2022 15:33

My DH thinks I am, but if I'm right then it's in his interest to say that!

Basically, we were in a pickle buying a house last year. We were consolidating houses with my DF to purchase a big house, and hoped that myself of my DF could be on the mortgage or deeds as a safety due to my DF helping with the deposit.

To cut a long story and identifying details this wasn't possible. Neither of us could be on a plausible mortgage, and the lenders wouldn't like us on the deeds either. But we needed a house. So as I was already engaged, we agreed between us that my DF would 'gift' 100k of inheritance to my DH so that he could solely purchase the house, but we would get married beforehand to safeguard my stake.

So we eloped without telling anyone else, my DF gifted the money and the house was purchased in my DH's name only. We had a proper wedding a few weeks after and all is well. As far as I know, because the house was purchased after marriage, I have a stake in the house should we divorce, and can get some of that value back in lieu of my inheritance/not be left with no money and nowhere to live.

However, since the purchase the house has had extensive renovations and its value is increasing significantly. I have noticed that my DH keeps referring to people that the purchase date was back in the summer, months before our marriage. I know for a fact from the deeds etc that the closing date was not until a month after we were married, when the funds were transferred. Before the marriage, the mortgage may just have been accepted, but zero money had been exchanged.

When I ask him about this he says iabu for questioning him, that yes he bought it before we got married ie he's taking the acceptance of an offer on the house as when he bought it. This is obviously very worrying for me, as if he bought it before we were married or some other loophole then in the case of divorce I have lost most of my inheritance and have no stake on the house!!!

I don't know why he is saying this as at the time he agreed it was the best option so that all parties were happy and protected. I have resisted a marital rights notice on the deeds, but otherwise I am still not on the deeds or the mortgage (I don't have a high enough income). So who is BU? Have we been misled and given away my inheritance, or is my DH wrong and for some reason trying to say something that's incorrect?

OP posts:
Original poster
howdidIgetthere · 09/09/2022 16:08

I don't know what's in his will

OP posts:
Getoff · 09/09/2022 16:08

When we bought a house together in 1999, the mortgage was based solely on my income. DH and I are both on the deeds, as joint owners so the house automatically passes between us on the death of the first.

When I bought a flat in 1998, only my name went on the deeds. DW was left off. I think I just assumed it should be the same as the mortgage, and no-one else suggested otherwise. There was nothing intentionally underhand about it. I've seen many threads on here where other people have made similar assumptions. So I wouldn't assume the DH in this case is a crook. (At least not for that reason. Him being funny about the date is a separate thing.)

Theredjellybean · 09/09/2022 16:08

I am baffled by this
How could you be so naive ?
Basically at the moment your DH owns the house....so if he wanted to , he can sell the house tomorrow, take all the equity and buy lottery tickets if he wants

If you divorce the best you would get is 50% of the equity, so you would only get 50K of your inheritance ...
why on earth did you not get legal advice to protect your 100K
and i do not understand why you could not have been contributing to the buying by being the person to give the deposit

i hope your dh is a good sort

Octomore · 09/09/2022 16:09

Is there a cultural explanation here, regarding why your dad has given your inheritance to your DH, and why you've had so little involvement in the arrangements?

EsmeSusanOgg · 09/09/2022 16:09

You can be on the deed without being on the mortgage. You can register to update land registry with your solicitor. It costs c£250.

FinallyHere · 09/09/2022 16:09

howdidIgetthere · 09/09/2022 16:08

I don't know what's in his will

Have you considered what would happen to you if he were suddenly no longer around?

If his intentions are good, he should be telling you kind of stuff. Please, for your own security, find out.

Octomore · 09/09/2022 16:11

Getoff · 09/09/2022 16:08

When we bought a house together in 1999, the mortgage was based solely on my income. DH and I are both on the deeds, as joint owners so the house automatically passes between us on the death of the first.

When I bought a flat in 1998, only my name went on the deeds. DW was left off. I think I just assumed it should be the same as the mortgage, and no-one else suggested otherwise. There was nothing intentionally underhand about it. I've seen many threads on here where other people have made similar assumptions. So I wouldn't assume the DH in this case is a crook. (At least not for that reason. Him being funny about the date is a separate thing.)

There is no good reason why a non-earning partner can't be on the mortgage. Obviously they won't have any income to be counted for affordability tests, but they can be on both mortgage and deeds.

The OP has been told it wasn't possible, so she has definitely been lied to. No doubt about that.

endofthelinefinally · 09/09/2022 16:11

howdidIgetthere · 09/09/2022 16:08

I don't know what's in his will

What? He is your husband. How do you not know what is in his will? This is awful. So many red flags. Is he a lot older than you OP? Did you elope because your family were against the marriage?

FuzzyAndBlue · 09/09/2022 16:11

howdidIgetthere · 09/09/2022 16:07

Sorry so many messages. I'm not sure where to start with a solicitor

What do you mean 'where to start'?

Original poster
howdidIgetthere · 09/09/2022 16:11

My DF says I'm on the deeds as his spouse which is adequate protection and was purchased after marriage.

I'd need to go to an appt at the bank to apply to be on the mortgage which would add me to the deeds

OP posts:
Doingprettywellthanks · 09/09/2022 16:11

howdidIgetthere · 09/09/2022 16:06

@Doingprettywellthanks

Well yes but (Same old) I support his work and take care of everything else. I'm finishing my degree next year so I can start a career

So he did financially supports you as you pursue your studies and also pays for all costs relating to the children.

and yet you think that he’s trying to scam you. I don’t get it. So he pays for housing, food, utilities, transport - everything and yet you think he’s trying scam you?

how long have you been with him

Getoff · 09/09/2022 16:12

Blossomtoes · 09/09/2022 16:07

That’s completely irrelevant. This is about ownership of a property into which she’s invested £100k, not who pays the gas bill.

Show quote history

The longer she stays married to someone who is a much higher earner than her, the more likely she is to come out ahead. The 100K could well be immaterial within very few years, by then it will be the DH who is more likely to lose out financially from being with the OP.

Hana89 · 09/09/2022 16:13

howdidIgetthere · 09/09/2022 15:42

We got some yes, but more about potential mortgage structuring than this specific scenario. It was the lender (told through the mortgage broker) that said they wouldn't like me on the deed, we did explore this. I was told I could apply to be on the deed 6 months after purchase. Obviously it's been 6 months now but I think we have to go to the bank to apply?

I can push for this. He was just notified about the marital rights thing I'm worried he'll say there's no need for me to be on the deed now. I think we need to make an appt with the bank, the issue I have is that I obviously need him to do it and he's majorly snowed under with work right now and seemed a little reluctant last time I asked.

You sound quite panicked OP and I wonder if that worry is making things appear more sinister than they are.

If your DH only seemed a little reluctant it might be more about the time and paperwork he assumes is involved than anything else!

Try to pick a time when you are both available and not in the middle of anything else, and talk to him. Tell him you would feel more secure knowing that both your names were on the deeds as this house is both of yours. There is absolutely no reasonable response to that except agreement. He has no reason to refuse. He might feel a bit wounded or like you don't trust him fully, but I think you can explain that it isn't that at all, you just need peace of mind. Ultimately, even if he is a bit annoyed by it, you need to do this for your mental health so once you've told him what you want to do, book the appointment and get the ball rolling.

Doingprettywellthanks · 09/09/2022 16:13

endofthelinefinally · 09/09/2022 16:11

What? He is your husband. How do you not know what is in his will? This is awful. So many red flags. Is he a lot older than you OP? Did you elope because your family were against the marriage?

Show quote history

Is everyone missing that the op doesn’t work, the DH meanwhile is a high earner and completely financially supports the op?

hellcatspangle · 09/09/2022 16:13

I don't really understand why you didn't put the 100k down on the house in your name, and your DH get the remainder on the mortgage?

MatterOfThyme · 09/09/2022 16:13

Getoff · 09/09/2022 16:08

When we bought a house together in 1999, the mortgage was based solely on my income. DH and I are both on the deeds, as joint owners so the house automatically passes between us on the death of the first.

When I bought a flat in 1998, only my name went on the deeds. DW was left off. I think I just assumed it should be the same as the mortgage, and no-one else suggested otherwise. There was nothing intentionally underhand about it. I've seen many threads on here where other people have made similar assumptions. So I wouldn't assume the DH in this case is a crook. (At least not for that reason. Him being funny about the date is a separate thing.)

It's a valid point that- albeit an utterly archaic POV - once upon a time it was the way things worked so maybe, possibly, there's nothing sinister here. But even if there's not my point still stands- if you suspect your DH of swindling you...why are you married to him?

absolutelyanythingwilldo · 09/09/2022 16:14

It sounds fine to me. You're married so the house is at least half yours unless you signed a prenup.

For future reference you can be named on the mortgage even with zero income. Perhaps he didn't know this. But if you split up it won't matter either way, it's an asset that will be divided equally between you.

A lot of posters on MN tend to overreact and will call fire without so much as a whiff of smoke. Ignore them. You're fine.

When the mortgage minimum term is up and you do a remortgage, make sure you're added to the application then if it's for your own peace of mind, the mortgage company will update the title deeds with both your names but until then I wouldn't worry about it.

IrisVersicolor · 09/09/2022 16:14

I just wonder how your DH got 100k from your dad round the money laundering regulations - and the mortgage companies rules on gifts having to be declared. As your dad put in 100k he could for a beneficial interest on the property.

Getoff · 09/09/2022 16:14

100K might be less than two years worth of his savings, including any house appreciation, all of which she'd have a claim on in divorce. And if she's a non-earner with children, she might get nearly all the assets.

Blossomtoes · 09/09/2022 16:14

Doingprettywellthanks · 09/09/2022 16:13

Is everyone missing that the op doesn’t work, the DH meanwhile is a high earner and completely financially supports the op?

Show quote history

We keep telling you that’s irrelevant. Why do you keep ignoring it?

Octomore · 09/09/2022 16:14

Doingprettywellthanks · 09/09/2022 16:11

So he did financially supports you as you pursue your studies and also pays for all costs relating to the children.

and yet you think that he’s trying to scam you. I don’t get it. So he pays for housing, food, utilities, transport - everything and yet you think he’s trying scam you?

how long have you been with him

Show quote history

Did you miss that the OP says she does everything else? So childcare, housework etc. This isn't a one-sided arrangement.

Would you say it's OK for a SAHM to be scammed out of their inheritance because they aren't doing remunerated work?

And the £100k he has got from her is worth more than the support he's providing anyway.

Octomore · 09/09/2022 16:16

The OP hasn't lied to and deceived her DH to get him to support her while she studies.

The DH has lied to the OP regarding whether or not she was allowed to be on the mortgage and deeds of the house.

Doingprettywellthanks · 09/09/2022 16:16

Say theDH as a high earner has death in service? Life assurance? The op would no doubt do very well out of his death.

he currently pays for everything including no doubt the OP’s studies itself.

On paper - the OP isn’t exactly being fleeced

KiraKiraHikaru · 09/09/2022 16:16

Doingprettywellthanks · 09/09/2022 16:13

Is everyone missing that the op doesn’t work, the DH meanwhile is a high earner and completely financially supports the op?

Show quote history

Why are you so obsessed with this? Your not exempt from being a decent partner and human being because you financially support your spouse. I’ve been the earner in my marriage and so has my husband and we would never treat each other like this.

CantSayNothing · 09/09/2022 16:16

If your wills were written before you got married, and weren't what solicitors call 'in anticipation of marriage' they will not be valid any more anyway - marriage revokes any previous wills.

Something else i recommend you think about with a solicitor while you're sorting things out... very important in your situation with children from previous marriages to make sure they are provided for if the worst were to happen to you

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