To try for a fourth baby?

[TulipVictory]

This is really silly because i am really on the fence but I am thinking I either have one more now or never.

So what I would really like to know is in my situation, would you have another?

I am 31 years old, I have three beautiful children all of the same gender they are 8, 5 and almost 2. A part of me longs for that one last child but of the opposite gender. I know this is silly because I cannot choose this but I also know that if I had a little one of the same gender I'd love it just as much as my others. The main reason for another is just I have this longing for one but how do I even know that this will stop after a fourth baby. Generally I just love having babies and children and it's lovely having a nice busy household. They all bring so much joy.

However, I know this is not the sensible option. The cons are that I'd need to get a new car and probably a new house eventually or an extension as we only have a 3 bedroom house. My husband is content with three and he said if it was just his decision he would say no more but because I have this longing for another one he wouldn't want me to live with regrets and the what ifs so we'd have one more and then he would happy to go and have a vasectomy. Another con is I know all my family think that if I had another I would be absolutely insane and less supportive.

I just don't know that my reason for one more is reason enough. In my situation, what would you do? It's now or never though. I don't want to be doing the school run forever. When my third starts primary, my first child will already be in year 6.

If you've read this far then I really appreciate it 😊

I am a few years behind you, but I see many parallels here to how my own life is with my four. I find the 2&2 is a great combination.

I am one of 4, I love my siblings but I never felt I got the attention I needed from my parents as they were always so busy.

My parents are also finding it hard now having so many grandchildren and trying to spend time with them all fairly.

Just something else to think about.

We have 4 who are all now aged between 24 and 17. Like you we had 3 of the same sex. Fourth was unplanned and did turn out to be a girl ! Much as I adore them all, it has been difficult especially as they were all born within 7 years of each other. I barely have any memories of their younger years as it was just a case of getting through each day somehow plus I had to go back to working nightshifts when they were just a few months old. I'm not sure how my mental health stayed ( reasonably) intact. Much as I love them all, I would not do the same if I had my time again. Finances are a worry, we helped the first with driving lessons, first car and Uni. Now we face the prospect of having two at Uni at the same time which is going to be financially very tight just at a time when we are seeing others of a similar age with lots of disposable income going on lovely holidays etc.

Omg aghhhhhh
I came to the right post.

My 3 mates were the same. All have 3 boys yes 3 boys. And longed for a girl as their last. And they risked it for a biscuit 😂 and they all got their dream a girl all 3 of them!

3 mates - 3 boys - 1 girl

They obvs knew it is 50/50 so they would of been happy regardless.

I am also planning on 4 God willing started later in life but hopeful .

Is it.possible for the kids to take responsibility for the fees of UNi.

I took a 2 year gap. worked from 16 years old every single day I was not at school. And 2 years worked full time after A levels. overtime and didn't spend nada just saved and saved. No holidays no major social things etc.

I paid my way through uni and paid all my bills. Parents helped with shopping 2 or 3 times a year. I waited until I qualified as a healthcare worker to start driving lessons using my own money. I lived in hospital accommodation for 5 years so i could save for a car and purchased one in cash 2 years into qualifying.

Not easy but i did it all myself and never put that financial burdon on my folks.

Be careful what you wish for, I had a 3rd who brought a twin brother with him.

You don't need four DC so it seems rather selfish to place yet more burden on the NHS.

No one needs any children so do you tell all first time mothers they're a selfish burden to the Health Service?

My second did this. Got over excited and split in two

Erm, climate change anyone? I don't personally think it's responsible to have more than two children these days, sorry. Obviously if unplanned pregnancies, or twins, happen, then it's different. But to deliberately plan for a large family now is reckless.

Ugh no. You need to look at those celebrities and famous people you follow who own massive houses with only 1 or 2 people inside. Wasting resources. Flying private jets and fuel hungry cars everywhere etc etc etc.

If you want to talk about saving the earth how about talking about single and small families downsizing. Why do 2 people need a massive house a waste of natural resources.
That is more of a pressing issue.

If you look at Japan they are im a oanic as their population is dropping becuase people don't want kids anymore. They have a special sector in the goverbment trying to.match make!!! Becuase they need more babies to be born.so your over population theory makes 0 sense.
We need babies wending need money hungry greedy people.

Children are many, many times worse than anything else one can do environmentally. Even cars, planes, eating meat, living in a big house.

amp.theguardian.com/environment/2017/jul/12/want-to-fight-climate-change-have-fewer-children

The earth just hit 8 billion people. We don’t need more children. What we do need is policies that allow people to move around freely and live and work in other places, where there is demand. Oh, and voluntary euthanasia, so that those who don’t want to live for 20 years in a care home can legally opt out of doing so. (I’d be the first to sign up, no hypocrisy here.)

Haven't RTFT sorry but have read all OP posts.

Personally I wouldn't have a child until that child could already fit into the house I had, car, job, lifestyle etc. Being pregnant and having to move house quickly would be my idea of a nightmare.

I also think you should ask yourself - if it was absolutely guaranteed that you would have another girl, would you still do it?

Would you be disappointed if you had a fourth and it was the same gender? Because if so, don’t do it.

Financially speaking, I don’t think you sound a good place. And to be quite honest I think your attention should rest with your three existing children rather than a selfish desire to have a baby that has the gender of the opposite sex.

No I don't and nor would I say it to someone who was having their fourth because of a contraceptive mishap.

Actively choosing a fourth, knowing how much strain our NHS is under, is a piss take. It isn't just the cost of ante natal, delivery and post natal care, it's also another service user.

That's such a weird take...

Not getting pregnant because it would add pressure on a public service that you are already subsidising via taxes?

I can think of a hundred reasons not to have a 4th baby, but this one ain't it.

Do you also go around lecturing people who smoke/drink/are obese/have dangerous hobbies like rock-climbing about how much pressure they put on the NHS? Those are much more frivolous life choices who will lead to just as much or even more medical intervention eventually.

Otherwise this is all just a tad hypocritical

@HerMajestysRoyalCoven totally agree

Why does anyone need four children? Aren't three enough?

Why does anyone need three? Isn't two enough? Isn't one enough? Why do you even need one at all??

Actively choosing a fourth, knowing how much strain our NHS is under, is a piss take. It isn't just the cost of ante natal, delivery and post natal care, it's also another service user but ops fourth will put the same pressure on those services as Amry's 3rd or Sarah's 2nd or Tonys 1st or Peter's 1st so why not tell those people too before they ttc they're selfish?

What would you get from a fourth that three don't already give you? Three seems plenty.

This thread is a couple of months old, why has it been resurrected?

Count your blessings. You have three healthy children.

With the very greatest respect, I think you're burying your head in the sand a bit. Overpopulation isn't a theory, it's a fact.
I do totally agree with your comments about consumption and the wealthy etc. But all western humans end up being big consumers by global standards.
By all means have a large a family as you like, but please own it, and don't pretend it doesn't take a huge toll on our dying ecosystem.
Disclaimer - I'm not a misanthrope at all, and I love babies, in fact it's for their sake that I think it's irresponsible to have too many of them.

@wibblewobbleball what does it rule out for you?

What would one get from a third that two don't already give you? Or two to one?