To try for a fourth baby?

[TulipVictory]

This is really silly because i am really on the fence but I am thinking I either have one more now or never.

So what I would really like to know is in my situation, would you have another?

I am 31 years old, I have three beautiful children all of the same gender they are 8, 5 and almost 2. A part of me longs for that one last child but of the opposite gender. I know this is silly because I cannot choose this but I also know that if I had a little one of the same gender I'd love it just as much as my others. The main reason for another is just I have this longing for one but how do I even know that this will stop after a fourth baby. Generally I just love having babies and children and it's lovely having a nice busy household. They all bring so much joy.

However, I know this is not the sensible option. The cons are that I'd need to get a new car and probably a new house eventually or an extension as we only have a 3 bedroom house. My husband is content with three and he said if it was just his decision he would say no more but because I have this longing for another one he wouldn't want me to live with regrets and the what ifs so we'd have one more and then he would happy to go and have a vasectomy. Another con is I know all my family think that if I had another I would be absolutely insane and less supportive.

I just don't know that my reason for one more is reason enough. In my situation, what would you do? It's now or never though. I don't want to be doing the school run forever. When my third starts primary, my first child will already be in year 6.

If you've read this far then I really appreciate it 😊

I think if you have 3 of the same then statistically you're much more likely to have a fourth the same (assuming same father to all 4)

This, 4 is alot in the first place. Your reasons for a 4th are not good ones either.

Same here but with possible DC number 3. Right now we have decided to stop at 2.

Main reason is that we are not sure how much our expenses will increase, i do not want to put us into debts and decrease quality of life for DC1&2 just because i have been "selfish" and longing for more.

Also, not sure if i would have enough time and resources to take care properly of 2 kids + 1 kid with medical issues (which is something you have always to consider).

Well I’m one of 4 (all girls) and while I’m forever grateful for my lifelong girl-squad of sisters that I now have, I look back at my childhood and think my parents must have been totally nuts to have that many kids. It was very chaotic and they had very little life outside of our family.

3 children is still plenty, I don’t think I’ll ever understand why anyone would choose to have more!

I'm currently 38 weeks pregnant with no.3. in have no regrets, BUT, I am terrified of the economy right now. The energy bills cap is going to bring very short term relief I think, and this will go on for a while, in fact longer than we thought even a week ago. We personally don't want to move house, nor could we probably afford it now. I'm hoping after this one I feel very very 'done' 😂 goodluck OP.

Ha ha. Definitely a drip feed set up there! 😂

Fair enough but everything else I said still applies - you’ve no idea what their personality will be.

You already have 3 children all of the same sex so you want another child of the opposite sex. It all about what you want but you know that having another child means a bigger car and probably moving house or possibly building an extension if possible.
Then what happens if you have twins or down the line this 4th child has special needs?
What happens the family income if you can't work due to this?
What happens if you have another child of the same sex? Will you keep trying for a boy/girl?

In your case I would not have another child. You already have 3 kids and work PT. Having a 4th child means that you have to stop work for a while and your trying to manage more expense on one income.
What about the kids you already have? Do you think it's fair as they grow up that they can't go places or do things because you have not got the time or the income to afford things?
Managing 3 children who will have different needs as they get older is not easy.
Your children are young now but in 10 years time you will have 1at college age and 2 in secondary school and that a lot of expense.

I know a lady who had a 4th child about 3 years ago. Her other children were in primary school. The first thing she had to do was change her car and take on a loan to do this.

She has to mind 4 kids as her husband works long hours. Her 3 older kids were at the stage of being able to do more things for themselves and then she was back to the new born stage.
Since then she has been struggling at times with money as her husband is self employed and they have had to deal with the whole COVID situation. She had to fight to get her older child into X secondary school a few miles away because her local school is poor and she could not afford to move house. She is now trying to manage the care and needs for 4 kids from toddler to teenager and has had a few difficult times with 2 of the older kids.
Along with this she has had very little family support despite her family knowing that she needed help at times over the past few years. In the next few years she will have more expense as the children go into secondary school and college.
As a friend of mine said its easy for some people to have children but you have to think about the cost of bringing them up and putting them through college. You want to be able to afford music lessons, sports, grinds ect. If they have an interest or talent it nice to be in a position to pay for lessons ect to build on what they already have.

Also at the moment with the cost of living crises and with mortgage rates going up your current expenses are going up a lot but wages are not. You have to think long term how you can afford another child when you already have 3 kids. I know you work PT at the moment but as your kids get older you may want to work more hours or change jobs.
As your kids get older the expenses get higher with food, clothes and education.

For the sake of your dh and your existing dc I'd honestly say no.

Can you afford current expenses?
Are the future finances ie pensions on track?
Are you able to manage if baby number 4 has special needs?

Have a fourth

I have three my third was a girl and I was over joyed to have her

Change cars and remember that all children are a gift xxx

God. No.

I have three, all teens and twenties now. I heard a saying the other day, might have been on here; “Once you have three, you’ve got fifteen.”

Couldn’t agree more. Just don’t it to yourselves.

All children are certainly not a gift. Such mawkish nonsense.

How on earth is anyone on here supposed to advise you? It's entirely your choice.

Not always.

I am lucky enough to have three children, I would have loved four but I was nearly 40 when I had the youngest, complicated pregnancy with repercussions for my health - the consultant I saw strongly advised against another pregnancy. I understand the wanting to do it OP, in a way it was easier for me as I didn't have to make the choice myself not to.

Agreed! It's utopian narrowmindedness.

Parenthood can be both a blessing and a curse and there is most definitely such a thing as too many kids

It’s not just your longing that needs to be considered though, it’s the impact it would have on the rest of your family. Are the kids you already have going to lose out? If your family becomes less supportive in terms of childcare, are you going to struggle? In the midst of the economic shitshow that’s going to get worse, are you going to be able to afford it? Can you afford childcare if you need to go back to work full time, and your family aren’t willing to provide it?

I do think there’s too much faith out into the notion that listening to your heart over your head is the way to go, when in fact listening to your heart can indeed fuck you, and those around you, over. Hard. Sometimes, despite what you may want, you have to choose your head.

Think the chance of having another of same sex after 3 same sex kids is higher than 70% ,
worth looking it up ?
I wouldn’t do it.

I wouldn't. Because dh doesnt WANT no4. Being persuaded isnt the same as being all in and excited.

If that is true then much like other gifts, some you appreciate, and others you hope to fuck the giver has included the receipt with.

I once read a study that says that if you have 2 kids from the same gender the chances of javing a 3rd of the same gender is like 70 procent. And when you have 3 of the same gender the chances are like 5% of getting a kid of the opposite gender

The whole gender thing is a joke. You only want a kid in the opposite gender as you firmly believe that kids with a certain genitallia will act and BE a certain way
that is an outdated and rediculous idea.

And last but not least: the increase of all costs....

Its a no from me

I didn’t realise politics was ‘non girly’. Someone better tell the prime minister! 😂

Your children are of the same sex, not the same gender.

You're only 31. I'd maybe wait for a few years until your eldest is more independent and the others are in school. By then, you might not even want to go back to the baby stage.

You haven’t written one reason why you want to have another kid, is it just because of the genitals, and liking babies? Absolutely dreadful reason to make another person suffer decades of climate catastrophe. You haven’t mentioned how it would benefit your existing kids, either. Why not foster, or work at a nursery?