I know it's not reasonable to kill a robin but wtf do I do?

[dancemonke]

I have a robin who thinks it lives in my house. If I open any of the windows at all, it flies in and then (if I am in, which I am a lot because I wfh) it panics and flies around shitting everywhere. I am so so so over it. What do I do? I love fresh air and like having my windows, but it just comes straight in and I keep finding bird poo all over the place and I have a one and a three year old and I don't want crap all over the place. This morning, I caught it and chucked it out - and I actually just want to kill it now. I know it sounds silly, but I hate having random bird poo everywhere (it stains the carpets, it's GROSS). Is there anyway of humanely convincing it that it doesn't live here? (Yes, I've googled and I know about the fact that it's a sign of approaching death, which doesn't improve my mood.)

Yes.
it's pretty bad when you put it that way
my neighbours were really poor and couldn't afford chicken if that makes it any better.

Well, if you weren't going to invite the cat to Christmas Dinner, can you blame him for finding his own festive meal?

Oh peacocks! I live somewhere that has an abundance of them that just strut around the town. Even the traffic calming signs have pictures of them on. I have explained to my children that it's not actually a universally normal thing to see peacocks wandering about.

I worked in a school that had them too. Noisy bastards who would try to let themselves into the dinner hall if the door was open.

Oh yes. The yell/wail!

6am on a Sunday? Screw you, I’m yelling on your roof.

Wankers. Beautiful, but wankers to a bird.

Don't cage it, birds in cages are so sad.

get yourself a hawk kite that farmers use

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I have a seagull that lets itself in

I'd bloody love a peacock stalker. I have a Satanic Robin too. DCat is continually plotting its demise, but he's outfoxed her for three years!

I assume the pheasant that used to decide that sitting at the bottom of people's drives at 7.45 am was eventually run over. None of them seem to have much road sense, but that one was particularly annoying. They're quite big to try and shoo as well!

Sympathy on the robin... maybe put a little Christmas tree at the end of your garden and see if he'll pose for a Christmas card?

I haven't been able to get a photograph of the robin that isn't incredibly outing (now I've slagged off the neighbours' cats on mumsnet 😂) And he (she?) hasn't actually been back into the house since I posted (we were away for the weekend). As my DP pointed out, my love of fresh air is just on the cusp of being overtaken by my wish not to entirely bankrupt myself paying the gas bill this winter 🙄so the robin is mostly going to be stuck outside for winter anyway. Thank you so much for all your suggestions!! I can't believe I was genuinely delighted to read that a robin's life expectancy is only 12 months and then CRUSHED a few posts later to discover it might live an entire decade. GOOD NEWS for the bird lovers on this thread, the robin now has its own feeding station (which is it entirely ignoring). You all made me laugh a lot and I will reappear with a photograph when it (inevitably) breaks back in. Thank you!! (Although if anyone sends me any robin Christmas cards this year, they're going straight in the recycling).

Oh and solidarity with the various mumsnetters who have their own bird stalkers...

Oh and to whoever queried whether a robin could produce enough crap to actually be annoying.... [in Liz Truss tones] You. Would. Be. Surprised.
It's properly astonishing. It gets EVERYWHERE.

And they eat berries that stain everything. Little feathery bastards!

Well bless you for putting up a feeding station Op. I can't help feeling that come the winter it will use the feeding station and you can then hopefully enjoy the sight of your little red- breasted friend, but at a distance.

Borrow a cat? My heartless cat monster killed two Robins last year

Ok - I'm BACK. The fucking robin is back in the house. Ever since it got sunny a few weeks ago, we've been wanting the windows open the whole time and this FUCKING THING flies into the house at every opportunity. It wasn't able to come in during the winter but the moment we opened the windows, it's in at every opportunity. I'm slightly at my wits' end. It shits EVERYWHERE, which is DISGUSTING. AAAARGH.

It's not a food thing, because there is plenty of food outside. I know this is ridiculous, but it's hot and I want my FUCKING WINDOWS open.

Could you call the RSPB for advice? It sounds soooo annoying. It obviously thinks your house is where it nests.

Is there water outside too?

Window mesh. But I agree about calling someone for help. Like local bird rescue station

You have been given plenty of options such as window mesh etc......so make your choice! What exactly do you want happen - a magic spell???? You know he is going to come in when you open the windows so either don't open the windows or put up a fly screen.....and stop moaning about it!

What happened to trapping it and releasing it miles away?

And the pic 😂

That would drive me mad as well and I definitely would not want mesh at my windows!

Have you looked at other deterrents online that birds don’t like? I googled and a few come up. I would also get in touch with a local bird sanctuary see if they can advise anything.

I don’t think driving it miles away will help as they usually have inner compasses 🤷🏼‍♀️