I know it's not reasonable to kill a robin but wtf do I do?

[dancemonke]

I have a robin who thinks it lives in my house. If I open any of the windows at all, it flies in and then (if I am in, which I am a lot because I wfh) it panics and flies around shitting everywhere. I am so so so over it. What do I do? I love fresh air and like having my windows, but it just comes straight in and I keep finding bird poo all over the place and I have a one and a three year old and I don't want crap all over the place. This morning, I caught it and chucked it out - and I actually just want to kill it now. I know it sounds silly, but I hate having random bird poo everywhere (it stains the carpets, it's GROSS). Is there anyway of humanely convincing it that it doesn't live here? (Yes, I've googled and I know about the fact that it's a sign of approaching death, which doesn't improve my mood.)

My cat and dog would sit with the birds on the patio having long conversations with them.
My cat wouldn’t attack a bird. They were friends.

I think you should go NC and explain to it that "No" is a complete sentence? That always works.

I was thinking to channel the Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe and get a cat. It may escalate though.

The sparrow hawk models are more effective than the cat ones.
Off the subject a bit but my cat once bought a dead robin in when we were eating xmas dinner and ate it in front of us.
It ruined xmas for everyone!

It probably sees its own reflection in the window and comes in to fight it. They're REALLY territorial! Are your windows incredibly reflective? Have you a special reflective window film? Have you experimented with curtains open/closed?

So I'd echo the advice for a sticker of a hawk or similar on the windows. Super cheap from ebay.

We had a stupid starling who kept falling down our chimney and having a freak out. Eventually I decided to make friends with him via the medium of bacon rind. And that’s how I ended up with a pet starling named Wilf for a few weeks until mum had had enough and let him out of a window.

Maybe another cat then

You could take it to your local rescue place, and ask their advice.

Give your house to the robin. Move your family into a bird box.

Method 6: Apply polybutene gel
You can also go with the chemical products to make them stop coming to your house.
Bird repellent gel is made of polybutene and is generally non-toxic. The transparent gel won’t stain your house’s surfaces.
– Bird repellent gel – Buy on Amazon >
You apply it with a caulking gun.
A bead-sized line is enough. When robins land on it, it is sticky, and they soon get annoyed by the gel and don’t want to return.
It lasts a long time and withstands the weather.
You can use it on gutters, handrails, window ledges, tree branches, and balconies.

But what if the robin is a female and is excited by the prospect of a husband robin? They`ll be planning the refurbishments before OP knows it.

OP, I am afraid we need a picture.

You can buy a fly screen to go over windows , like a mesh that goes on with velcro
I have no idea if my second option will work but a nest box down end of garden or bird feeder keep it away from house ??

I would just get fly screens. The mesh is fine enough you barely notice it on the windows. Bonus, no flys

the expense would seem well worth the price of avoiding a home being strafed with germ infested fecal matter by an angry bird on a regular basis

Take it to the local bird sanctuary or catch it and take in a box to another village?

I would hate to think what would be stuck to that gel if I were to use it here ...(southern hemisphere).

I am also waiting for an update with a picture of Rottybotty Robin.

But seriously, where is the robin picture?
Or a diagram of the Robin and it’s entrance points into the house at least.

It's actually quite wonderful that it wants to be part of the family but I completely understand why you wouldn't want it shitting everywhere when you have young children

Yes, that makes total sense now. Much more than my 'it wants to be part of the family' conclusion

A house a few doors down from me has a frog statue on their roof. For quite a long time I though they may just love frogs a whole lot, until I read somewhere its meant to scare off rodents and pest birds from going into the roof....

So do you have a gnome / frog laying around the garden that you can move to RR's fave window and perhaps we can test out this theory....?

I know there is a housing crisis, but had no idea it affected the local birds too.

Or you could follow the sage 90’s advice if They Might Be Giants.

Not to put too fine a point on it,
Say I’m the only bee in your bonnet…
Make a little birdhouse in your soul….

This! Sorry but get a grip. They only live for 12 months, they’re tiny, how much poop is there? It’s not a Great Dane! It’s a tiny little Rubin. I’d love a visitor like that, I honestly think you need to get a grip if you feel like killing a robin because it’s pushed you to breaking point. Put a bit of chicken wire up and get over it. Console yourself with the fact it won’t live too long. Honest to god. 🙄

they’re tiny, how much poop is there?

You would not believe…

<thousand-yard stare>

Robins, man… robins. They can get shit into places that Great Danes don't even know exist.

But yeah don't kill the robin.

What do you mean ‘but yeah, don’t kill the ronin’? Kill it then. I mean personally I’d go with the chicken wire option … but ok.,👍

I mean, quite literally, don't kill the robin.

The Robin is being a CF ergo in true Mumsnet style you need to send it a WhatsApp delineating your boundaries and calling the whole arrangement off.