Patchy nursery attendance DS

[slippe]

My DS goes to nursery full time. 5 days a week.

I can count the weeks he has actually attended 5 days a week on one hand probably. He has been going since January. There is always something- usually an illness or trying to avoid and illness before a trip we have to go on etc.

I had a baby in april and kept him off for a few weeks, again, to avoid an illness around this time. Things were hard enough having a new baby etc.

During the summer we went away for a month and then had family visit for a couple of weeks and he was also sick.

He has missed a lot of nursery. Even when I do send him, I tend to leave him at 10ish and pick up at 4ish.

I didn't want to change his hours when the baby came because I didn't want to lose the place and also think it's good for him to go.

I am wondering if anyone else does this with their nursery ? My DS has moved to preschool now and the teachers mentioned that it would be better, in preparation for school, for him to come in at a set time and not miss as much time ( unless he is ill of course ).

This made me realise that they probably think we are a bit strange to have him miss so much nursery time. But it was just situational the last few months. I fully plan on sending him in as much as possible now he is in preschool.

I thought the nursery would be happy to have one less child to worry about, but they actually seem to want him to come in more. I think that's really lovely.

Yeah, absenteeism is a bit of a worry for nursery. Obviously I’ll ess is different, but better to send in when you can

I think you should send him in as much as possible. Maybe explain to them that you'd kept him off a bit over the summer for various things like baby and holiday as you didn't want to risk covid but now you agree and are going to treat it like school.

Young kids are better getting into routine with pre school nursery. My ds has a space mon to fri 9-3 term time but tends to go 3 days out of 5. The nursery are fine with this as he has just turned 3. I did the same with my middle child though increased him to 4 days a week just before he started school to help him get ready for the longer days. Missing a lot of nursery can make school transition more difficult and your child may struggle more unless you are taking them to lots of activities etc suitable for there age. If the nursery are flagging it I would suggest they are a little concerned so maybe set a pattern and stick to it but also ask them if they have underlying concerns.

Yeah I don't know anyone who wouldn't send their kids to nursery to actively avoid illness. That's a bit much tbh.

I did it the week leading up to a family funeral. I didn't want to risk covid.

If you were to keep kids off to avoid illness, they'd never be at nursery. That does seem a bit unusual.

Like today.. I don't really want to send him in.. as I want to give potty training another go. I think having three days at home to try again will be better than two days.

Also, he doesn't seem ill this week.. so I often get him to miss friday's because he seems to get ill on saturdays... I know that's silly. I am also feeling ill today, so if we have a cold brewing, it might be better to keep him home today and try with the potty training for the next three days.

Is that unreasonable ? I hope the nursery don't think I am a terrible mother. It's making me think we need to reduce his days.

If the session starts at 9 and he isn’t in until 10 that can impact the plans of the day, especially at preschool stage. We often take trips out and if a child is regularly in late it is difficult to know if they will be in that day or if we are waiting for no reason to leave. Also if they have a cooked lunch we need to put numbers through early so they have enough meals prepared.

If you are picking up later than expected it may impact staffing ratios.

Yeah they always know what we are up to.

Yeah you're not doing him any favours. If he's going to crack potty training he'll do it. You can't keep keeping him off because you want to do random things. It's not fair on him or the nursery.

My sis in law does it too. Before holidays and also before Christmas!

I'll be honest it must be incredibly difficult for him to know whether he's coming or going if he's in so infrequently and not consistent days. Poor things probably very confused and that likely shows in his behaviour when he's actually at nursery.

It would also be incredibly frustrating for the nursery to have ratios planned for him attending and for him not to show up so often. He will likely benefit from consistent days and hours, feel more settled and have more security in knowing what is happening rather than the uncertainty of the ad hoc timetable he currently has.

How is it not fair on the nursery ?? Also some kids don't go 5 times a week. 5 times is a lot !

Illness is a part of life. There's no point keeping him home just in case he might catch something.

Seems like a terrible waste of money to me but I guess that depends on your situation - if this isn’t a childcare-to-allow-you-to-work arrangement then I can understand why you’d be a bit free form. However, if it’s funded place then potentially you’re taking that away from another family who could make use of the place.

Is this a nursery you pay for or is it free?

What are you going to do when he goes to school? You won't be able to chop and change so much.

You seem to have a bit of anxiety around illness. Have you always been like that.

I think it is a bit unusual and a waste of money! Presumably you aren't taking a funded place at least!

Also our nursery ask for all children to be in by 9. They often go on outings that leave nursery at 10am so late joiners would have to stay with the baby room or something.

DD has been going for two years and hasn't missed more than a handful of days. And no way was I keeping her off with a new baby 😂 She was thrown in that door!

Yes. All of that seems unreasonable.

I would think it's very disruptive if he's missing the start or end of activities, and very hard to educate him if he's missing random bits of the curriculum they've set, then also the staff would end up confused about what he's been told or not. It would also affect little friends to have him roaming In and out unpredictably; some get reminded they want to see mummy, others might be confused if he's dipping in and out of friendships with his erratic attendance, lots of potential to cause upset. If you don't feel ready to send him then you don't have to, but sticking to a regular schedule would be best if you do.

It would also raise red flags about issues at home, though that's essily enough dealt with if there aren't problems there.

Another point is if he is getting funded hours the nursery will possibly lose his funding if he is off too frequently as they have to prove a child is attending to claim it. This won’t be a concern if you are paying yourself.

That sounds a bit much tbh if it's not for anythinf in particular. I think if you're not happy sending him in full time then yes reduce your days. Someone else will want those days.

If you LO is accessing any funded hours, the attendance will be monitored and the local authority will withdraw funding if you have poor or erratic attendance.

I can see how this is really tricky for nursery.

They don’t know whether to plan for him or not, he must keep arriving in the middle of activities which might distract the other kids, and he’s probably not very settled with no clear routine.

They’re probably wanting to make sure there’s not a worrying problem behind the disruption.

Keeping him off for potty training and to avoid illness is a bit much. However if I want to go for a little holiday or night away I have no problem keeping dd off. Nursery isn't compulsory and shouldn't stop life like school can, but there needs to be some routine.

No funded hours. He is two and a half.