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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Patchy nursery attendance DS

127 replies

slippe · 09/09/2022 08:26

My DS goes to nursery full time. 5 days a week.

I can count the weeks he has actually attended 5 days a week on one hand probably. He has been going since January. There is always something- usually an illness or trying to avoid and illness before a trip we have to go on etc.

I had a baby in april and kept him off for a few weeks, again, to avoid an illness around this time. Things were hard enough having a new baby etc.

During the summer we went away for a month and then had family visit for a couple of weeks and he was also sick.

He has missed a lot of nursery. Even when I do send him, I tend to leave him at 10ish and pick up at 4ish.

I didn't want to change his hours when the baby came because I didn't want to lose the place and also think it's good for him to go.

I am wondering if anyone else does this with their nursery ? My DS has moved to preschool now and the teachers mentioned that it would be better, in preparation for school, for him to come in at a set time and not miss as much time ( unless he is ill of course ).

This made me realise that they probably think we are a bit strange to have him miss so much nursery time. But it was just situational the last few months. I fully plan on sending him in as much as possible now he is in preschool.

I thought the nursery would be happy to have one less child to worry about, but they actually seem to want him to come in more. I think that's really lovely.

OP posts:
Original poster
slippe · 09/09/2022 12:26

weevil5 · 09/09/2022 12:22

Is the pre school just the older kids room in the nursery? I think they sound Confused

Do you think ? So there is the toddler room from 18 months to 2.5 and then they move to preschool. That's a different room from 2.5 until they go to school.

It's more structured and there and it's supposed to prepare them for school. Does that sound strange? They still nap there, but they have toilets there for example as most of the kids are potty trained by that stage.

OP posts:
Original poster
slippe · 09/09/2022 12:29

@Daisy95 they've never mentioned that it's a problem for the toddler room. I assume if the attendance was bad at preschool they would say something though.

At the end of the day, we pay for the place I guess.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 09/09/2022 12:33

So it's a daycare as only 2. Your under no obligation to send him if your paying for service. You only need to worry more about attendance in the preschool/nursery year before starting reception

LittleLangdale · 09/09/2022 12:34

I got a letter from my DS's nursery for low attendance. We've been on holiday and a couple of long weekends. I must admit it annoyed me. He's 2, we give them advance notice and we pay regardless of whether he goes or not. He's there primarily for childcare not education at this age.

Having said that, I would never keep him off unless he was ill or something is prearranged. That's not fair on the nursery.

Iheartmykyndle · 09/09/2022 12:36

I couldn't get an extra day for my eldest for over 6 months which meant I couldn't work an extra day. If I found out someone was not bothering to send their kid in when they had a space I'd be furious. You must have more money than sense.

Kids get sick, it's better for them to be in consistently getting used to the other children and dealing with minor illness. He's probably sicker because of your actions.

NCHammer2022 · 09/09/2022 12:36

There’s no benefit to the nursery unless you’re letting them know in advance when he’s not coming in. If they’re expecting a certain number of children, they have to staff accordingly.

It all sounds a bit disruptive for him. I think they’re right that it would help to get in the habit of attending every day (or however many days he is supposed to attend) well before school starts.

Original poster
slippe · 09/09/2022 12:41

Iheartmykyndle · 09/09/2022 12:36

I couldn't get an extra day for my eldest for over 6 months which meant I couldn't work an extra day. If I found out someone was not bothering to send their kid in when they had a space I'd be furious. You must have more money than sense.

Kids get sick, it's better for them to be in consistently getting used to the other children and dealing with minor illness. He's probably sicker because of your actions.

I also had to wait ages and was hugely inconvenienced before I got him his place.

Life is unfair I guess. I Need the space and that's why I didn't go down to fewer days.

OP posts:
Heckythump1 · 09/09/2022 12:44

What do you plan to do when he starts school? You can't send him and take him out as you fancy then, or keep him off to avoid illness (?! never heard anything like this!!) you should start as you mean to go on and set an example. He will soon learn he can have time off whenever he fancies otherwise.

Original poster
slippe · 09/09/2022 12:46

Heckythump1 · 09/09/2022 12:44

What do you plan to do when he starts school? You can't send him and take him out as you fancy then, or keep him off to avoid illness (?! never heard anything like this!!) you should start as you mean to go on and set an example. He will soon learn he can have time off whenever he fancies otherwise.

Sure.. I just won't bother taking him to school. Of course that's my plan... come on... He is two and a half and starting preschool.. I've already said I'll send him ' properly ' once he's not in toddler room but in preschool full time.

OP posts:
nachoavocado · 09/09/2022 12:46

slippe · 09/09/2022 12:26

Do you think ? So there is the toddler room from 18 months to 2.5 and then they move to preschool. That's a different room from 2.5 until they go to school.

It's more structured and there and it's supposed to prepare them for school. Does that sound strange? They still nap there, but they have toilets there for example as most of the kids are potty trained by that stage.

Show quote history

No that sounds just like my nursery. It seems a good idea to me. Pre-school gets them ready for school.

Heckythump1 · 09/09/2022 12:49

slippe · 09/09/2022 12:46

Sure.. I just won't bother taking him to school. Of course that's my plan... come on... He is two and a half and starting preschool.. I've already said I'll send him ' properly ' once he's not in toddler room but in preschool full time.

Show quote history

Why so aggressive and defensive? What's the point coming on here to ask a question if you're not going to listen to anything anyone is saying to you?!

arthurfowlermood · 09/09/2022 12:49

Also, he doesn't seem ill this week.. so I often get him to miss friday's because he seems to get ill on saturdays

In honesty this is just the silliest thing I have ever read on here.

Original poster
slippe · 09/09/2022 12:51

@Heckythump1 that's not true. I am totally listening. But to assume I'm just not going to send mh Child to school properly is a bit far, when I've repeatedly said we will get serious about it now because preschool is starting soon.

OP posts:
Daisy95 · 09/09/2022 12:54

slippe · 09/09/2022 12:29

@Daisy95 they've never mentioned that it's a problem for the toddler room. I assume if the attendance was bad at preschool they would say something though.

At the end of the day, we pay for the place I guess.

I wasn't saying that bit to you I was saying it to another poster who say it can't be problem. I'm saying at my nursery it would be a problem whether I'm paying for a place or not. You're not using the service appropriately and a person on the waiting list could be, that's my nurserys stance on it. That's all I was explaining. You're not listening to what people are saying anyway.

SunflowerOrange · 09/09/2022 13:04

Would a nanny be better if you have the money and presumably will have 2 uears of paying 2 x sets of fees.

They can be more flexible around your routine.

SunnyNights · 09/09/2022 13:08

You are paying for a service and if you don't want to take him in some days then that's totally fine and up to you. Pre-school is a bit different but given a lot of children don't even go to nursery I can't see a major benefit of needing to establish a routine before he starts.

I think it's nice to have him home more while you are on mat leave - that's certainly what I did, but kept the same hours so as not to lose the nursery place,

GraceandMolly · 09/09/2022 13:09

I don’t agree with most of you here. The child is paying for nursery therefore staff ratio and meals should be planned as if the child will attend.
3 is very little and does not need 5 days of full time nursery. I send mine as it suits us and if he wants to have a longer sleep in the morning I‘ll take him in later. Nursery is fine with it. They can learn the routine when actually needed.

Original poster
slippe · 09/09/2022 13:13

SunnyNights · 09/09/2022 13:08

You are paying for a service and if you don't want to take him in some days then that's totally fine and up to you. Pre-school is a bit different but given a lot of children don't even go to nursery I can't see a major benefit of needing to establish a routine before he starts.

I think it's nice to have him home more while you are on mat leave - that's certainly what I did, but kept the same hours so as not to lose the nursery place,

Yeah I was just taking advantage of the fact he is not at school yet and I am on maternity leave. So for example spent a month with family abroad. It would be hard to do something like that when im back at work and he is at school.

Having small kids is hard enough, the only positive is that you have a bit more flexibility because school hasn't started yet. But I do agree that a Routine is important for them.

Now I've had the baby and the summer is over and he is starting preschool, he will definitely benefit from a Routine and I fully intend to send him full time.

OP posts:
Reesewithafork · 09/09/2022 13:16

I usually only keep mine off for illness - which is a lot as he only started in April! However I did keep him off the session before his holiday recently as he ALWAYS picks something up at the moment as he’s still “new” to it and riding the wave of every bug going. However I just extended our holiday dates for nursery to include that so as far as they knew it was a week and a half instead of just the week.

I wouldn’t keep him off regularly because I didn’t feel like it/ wanted to potty train etc, there’s no point having him booked into so many sessions if that’s what you’re going to do.

weevil5 · 09/09/2022 13:26

The idea that they need to be strict on attendance with a 2.5 year old is laughable. It's at least another year before school they start learning school readiness and phonics where it may benefit the child to attend regularly (but even then it's parents prerogative.) And the convenience of the nursery staffing and / or other patents wanting places is not your concern.

Hardbackwriter · 09/09/2022 13:35

I think I'd talk to them and see why they're concerned - if it's because they think it's making him unsettled then fair enough. Otherwise I don't see the problem, now that it's been clarified that he's so young, that it's not a funded place and that your timekeeping isn't impacting on their day. I was also a lot more flexible on nursery attendance while I was on mat leave than I can be normally, dropped later and picked up earlier, and I think that was not just fine but a lovely bonus of being on mat leave. I wouldn't allow him to make the choice himself - I know someone who because she didn't work only took her daughter to preschool if her daughter wanted to go; the transition to school isn't going well! But it doesn't sound like that's what you're doing.

Underwater11 · 09/09/2022 13:37

I don’t think it’s bad OP! He’s only 2.5, no need for school like routines yet, the beauty of preschool age children is being able to do things outside of the school holidays. My eldest missed a lot of nursery between illness (and there was a lot) and also us going away. Settled into school absolutely no problem and I still take her out of school two or three times a year (as does everyone I know in the country we live in) either to visit family (we moved abroad) or because my husband has very set holiday time which only very rarely matches school holidays and can often be set last minute or change.

RidingMyBike · 09/09/2022 15:18

They may be querying it from a safeguarding perspective? Children appearing on random days instead of regularly etc could flag up as trying to hide an injury?

Is he ready for potty training? It's often very quick and easy once they're ready to do it - but that can be longer than you think. Mine had had some signs of readiness by 2.5 but didn't actually potty train until just after 3. When she did it in about a day and a half! Have you asked the nursery staff whether they think he's ready yet?

Original poster
slippe · 09/09/2022 15:27

RidingMyBike · 09/09/2022 15:18

They may be querying it from a safeguarding perspective? Children appearing on random days instead of regularly etc could flag up as trying to hide an injury?

Is he ready for potty training? It's often very quick and easy once they're ready to do it - but that can be longer than you think. Mine had had some signs of readiness by 2.5 but didn't actually potty train until just after 3. When she did it in about a day and a half! Have you asked the nursery staff whether they think he's ready yet?

They haven't ever raised any concerns at all. They just mentioned that in preschool it's better to have more of a Routine. Which is fair enough entirely.

They haven't actually said whether they think he is ready or not. I just keep telling them what we are doing at home and they say they try to put him on the potty and include him when training other kids, but that he will sit on the potty and not actually go. That's all they've said really !

OP posts:
TeaMoreToast · 09/09/2022 17:57

It's fine to miss nursery days at this age. He's only young and it's far more important that his dad spends a day with him if he gets an unexpectedly free day, or that you go to visit family etc,

Seems like you're paying for nursery for the childcare as oecg when you return to work,. If you were a SAHM and dint need to think about future childcare, I very much doubt your DS would be in nursery for so many hours a day. Instead, the DC would likely go to a playgroup or a school-hours nursery.

The only thing I would say is that my DC thrived on routine and knowing what was coming up. Perhaps you could do a child friendly calendar and show DC each week when he'll have nursery days, so there a routine but you can flex it week by week. You'd have to be consistent though, maybe it's a Sunday afternoon activity you do together to fill it in.