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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Patchy nursery attendance DS

127 replies

slippe · 09/09/2022 08:26

My DS goes to nursery full time. 5 days a week.

I can count the weeks he has actually attended 5 days a week on one hand probably. He has been going since January. There is always something- usually an illness or trying to avoid and illness before a trip we have to go on etc.

I had a baby in april and kept him off for a few weeks, again, to avoid an illness around this time. Things were hard enough having a new baby etc.

During the summer we went away for a month and then had family visit for a couple of weeks and he was also sick.

He has missed a lot of nursery. Even when I do send him, I tend to leave him at 10ish and pick up at 4ish.

I didn't want to change his hours when the baby came because I didn't want to lose the place and also think it's good for him to go.

I am wondering if anyone else does this with their nursery ? My DS has moved to preschool now and the teachers mentioned that it would be better, in preparation for school, for him to come in at a set time and not miss as much time ( unless he is ill of course ).

This made me realise that they probably think we are a bit strange to have him miss so much nursery time. But it was just situational the last few months. I fully plan on sending him in as much as possible now he is in preschool.

I thought the nursery would be happy to have one less child to worry about, but they actually seem to want him to come in more. I think that's really lovely.

OP posts:
nachoavocado · 09/09/2022 08:39

slippe · 09/09/2022 08:36

How is it not fair on the nursery ?? Also some kids don't go 5 times a week. 5 times is a lot !

Show quote history

The staff rota will be based on expecting your child to be in. Your child could be the one that tips the ratio into needing an extra member of staff.

Original poster
slippe · 09/09/2022 08:40

@nachoavocado fair enough.

OP posts:
hopeishere · 09/09/2022 08:40

Why bother? Just keep him at home until he goes to school.

PlasticCupPolitics · 09/09/2022 08:40

It’s a pain in the ass for nurseries when children persistently arrive at times other than the beginning of the session. It can be disruptive for other children, causes confusion over numbers if you haven’t let them know he won’t be in - it’s just annoying.

It would be much nicer for your little one to start at the correct time with his peers so he can join in with welcome songs, registers and carpet time.

obviously you have absolutely no legal obligation to send him at all if you don’t want to but when you do send him, at least stick to the session times.

Keeping him off every Friday to prevent illness is batshit though, just drop the Friday and save your money and the nursery can give the space to someone that wants it.

Original poster
slippe · 09/09/2022 08:41

hopeishere · 09/09/2022 08:40

Why bother? Just keep him at home until he goes to school.

I will be working again soon. So I do need it and I think it is beneficial for him.

Especially now he's moving to preschool, I will just take him in more consistently.

OP posts:
nachoavocado · 09/09/2022 08:42

Also, the more you can build his immune system now the better for when he goes to school, hopefully less time off!

PayPennies · 09/09/2022 08:42

Wow. I’m just amazed some people have that much money to waste. We are a two earned high earning household and we can’t imagine just randomly wasting £50 a day or whatever it is the charge works out per day…..

MKCH · 09/09/2022 08:42

Do you let nursery know in advance if he's not going to be in (a week in advance for their rota scheduling) or do you just let them know on the morning at some point before 10am?

Original poster
slippe · 09/09/2022 08:43

nachoavocado · 09/09/2022 08:42

Also, the more you can build his immune system now the better for when he goes to school, hopefully less time off!

I know !! He should have the immune system of a bull by now, seriously. He is ill almost every week.

I just worry for the baby too. Baby sometimes catches things and it has been pretty scary.

OP posts:
Justanotherwinter · 09/09/2022 08:43

I think YABU. My DS went 4 days a week Monday to Thursday, so we had Friday sat Sunday to do things

nachoavocado · 09/09/2022 08:43

PayPennies · 09/09/2022 08:42

Wow. I’m just amazed some people have that much money to waste. We are a two earned high earning household and we can’t imagine just randomly wasting £50 a day or whatever it is the charge works out per day…..

I think often if you go the whole week some places don't charge as much for the 5th day. I guess becuase it's harder to fill one day.

GiantTortoise · 09/09/2022 08:44

I do think this is really unusual OP! I don't know anyone else who does this regularly.

Maybe reduce his days from 5 to 3 or 4, but make an effort to stick to that.

Maybe on some level you feel guilty about sending him? Most kids prefer a predictable routine though.

Justanotherwinter · 09/09/2022 08:44

It’s normal for a nursery age child to be ill every week

blepp · 09/09/2022 08:44

Also, he doesn't seem ill this week.. so I often get him to miss friday's because he seems to get ill on saturdays... I know that's silly. I am also feeling ill today, so if we have a cold brewing, it might be better to keep him home today and try with the potty training for the next three days.

Sorry but yes this is unreasonable.

Original poster
slippe · 09/09/2022 08:44

MKCH · 09/09/2022 08:42

Do you let nursery know in advance if he's not going to be in (a week in advance for their rota scheduling) or do you just let them know on the morning at some point before 10am?

If he is ill, then I tell them as soon as I know he is ill. If it's because of a holiday etc, I will tell them as soon as I know. It can be a bit last minute sometimes.

OP posts:
Beees · 09/09/2022 08:44

I will be working again soon. So I do need it and I think it is beneficial for him.

Especially now he's moving to preschool, I will just take him in more consistently.

You might find it will be much trickier for him to settle when you actually need him to do the hours because you're working now that you've set the expectation that he attends so infrequently.

He's also much more likely to have lots of bugs and need time off for illnesses because you've not given his immune system a chance to catch them and recover properly before now.

Jaaxe · 09/09/2022 08:45

I would imagine the only harm you are doing is to your child’s development and that’s perhaps how the nursery feel although I guess you could be upsetting the ratios and his place could go to another child who may be waiting on a place. Is your child settled at nursery if he’s in so infrequently? Perhaps the nursery are concerned about that, my friend did this and her little girl hated going nursery in the end as she wasn’t used to it and had no routine. She also ended up behind the other children, found it difficult to make friends and leave her parents when she eventually went to school and the 5 day week was exhausting for her. If she had been in preschool regularly and been in the nursery routine of going in for 9 and being picked up at a certain time like all the rest of the kids and learning all the things they learnt in nursery she would of been in a better position going to school. I understand you don’t want him to get sick but he will be building his immune system up there and also they are very used to potty training in nursery too and will keep up your hard work there, he will also see other children using the toilets and just get on with doing the same x

Original poster
slippe · 09/09/2022 08:47

GiantTortoise · 09/09/2022 08:44

I do think this is really unusual OP! I don't know anyone else who does this regularly.

Maybe reduce his days from 5 to 3 or 4, but make an effort to stick to that.

Maybe on some level you feel guilty about sending him? Most kids prefer a predictable routine though.

I do feel guilty because he always gets so ill and I feel like he is bringing illness into our home and it is my fault for sending him there to get ill, when I could keep him at home because I am on Mat leave.

I also worry the baby will end up in hospital etc because of an illness that I have caused my toddler to give him.

I know, I have issues !

OP posts:
Beees · 09/09/2022 08:48

He's a toddler they are meant to get illnesses. You sound very melodramatic about the whole thing if I'm honest.

SalviaOfficinalis · 09/09/2022 08:48

I think it’s fine for him not to go 5 days a week… but if he is going I think it’s best for him to go at the start of the day… it must be a bit weird for him to walk in at 10am when all the other kids have been there since 8am/whenever and he’s missed half the morning’s activities.

blepp · 09/09/2022 08:49

Why don't you take him on time in the morning? That's incredibly disruptive of you.

Johnnysgirl · 09/09/2022 08:49

slippe · 09/09/2022 08:44

If he is ill, then I tell them as soon as I know he is ill. If it's because of a holiday etc, I will tell them as soon as I know. It can be a bit last minute sometimes.

Show quote history

How many last minute holidays do you actually take?! This is ridiculous.

girlmom21 · 09/09/2022 08:50

How is it not fair on the nursery ?? Also some kids don't go 5 times a week. 5 times is a lot !

Because they're turning down other kids who'd want that space so you can faff about with sending or not sending him whenever you fancy.

5 times is a lot, but some parents need to send their children 5 days and can't because you're hogging a day you don't use.

Original poster
slippe · 09/09/2022 08:50

Well you have all convinced me to send him in today ! So thank you.

OP posts:
DontSpeakLatinInFrontOfTheBooks · 09/09/2022 08:51

You’re paying for a full time place and your child misses loads? You must have money to burn!

Nursery are probably coming at it from children need routine point of view (a point of view I happen to strongly agree with) and especially when he’s to start school soonish.