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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Patchy nursery attendance DS

127 replies

slippe · 09/09/2022 08:26

My DS goes to nursery full time. 5 days a week.

I can count the weeks he has actually attended 5 days a week on one hand probably. He has been going since January. There is always something- usually an illness or trying to avoid and illness before a trip we have to go on etc.

I had a baby in april and kept him off for a few weeks, again, to avoid an illness around this time. Things were hard enough having a new baby etc.

During the summer we went away for a month and then had family visit for a couple of weeks and he was also sick.

He has missed a lot of nursery. Even when I do send him, I tend to leave him at 10ish and pick up at 4ish.

I didn't want to change his hours when the baby came because I didn't want to lose the place and also think it's good for him to go.

I am wondering if anyone else does this with their nursery ? My DS has moved to preschool now and the teachers mentioned that it would be better, in preparation for school, for him to come in at a set time and not miss as much time ( unless he is ill of course ).

This made me realise that they probably think we are a bit strange to have him miss so much nursery time. But it was just situational the last few months. I fully plan on sending him in as much as possible now he is in preschool.

I thought the nursery would be happy to have one less child to worry about, but they actually seem to want him to come in more. I think that's really lovely.

OP posts:
Whinge · 09/09/2022 09:30

Regarding potty training, they haven't been that helpful. I have been trying really hard to potty train at home and tell them regularly.

Your son is only 2.5 years old. So I assume potty training is quite recent. How can nursery help when he's been absent for weeks / months at a time?
Confused

I had a baby in april and kept him off for a few weeks

During the summer we went away for a month and then had family visit for a couple of weeks and he was also sick.

OriginalUsername3 · 09/09/2022 09:31

I think you need to get yourself out of this headset. Because you can't do this with school. You're doing him no favours tbh.

Obviously it's your money so if you're happy to pay for loads of nursery hours you're not using that's your business. I think I'd try to add up how much money you've wasted because I bet its in the thousands.

girlmom21 · 09/09/2022 09:33

I do pay for it..nothing is free.

I'm not disputing the money, but if someone's looking for a full time space and there are only 4 days a week available, they'll look elsewhere. It's shit for the nursery if you're paying for a space you don't use as they could have another full time child - and they're still losing out on 4 days of revenue. They could also potentially reduce staff headcount if they knew he wasn't going to be there.

Technosaurus · 09/09/2022 09:38

I appreciate it's frustrating that they get ill on the weekends, but at 2.5 it's all part of the process.

Our son finished nursery this year, when he started he was getting sent home with a temperature and we kept him off if vomiting etc, as per their policy. But since he turned 2 I can count on one hand how many days off he had with illness, his system just deals with it now. I think keeping them off to avoid illness is a bit OTT.

And as for potty training, ours did it quite late (just before 3rd birthday) but it was a 48 hour process one weekend, not something to take any time out for. The thing about them "being ready" was true in our case.

3WildOnes · 09/09/2022 09:41

I think this is fine. Years ago i worked in a nursery in a very affluent lindon neighbourhood. Quite a few sahms had their children booked in full time but in reality they would often miss a couple of days due to staying at their country houses for long weekends or if it was nice weather and they wanted to take them out. These ones often started late and finished earlier too. They settled in fine and it often meant we had better ratios which is a good thing!

luxxlisbon · 09/09/2022 09:44

Also having a child pop in and out, and probably therefore being less settled when he is there is negatively affecting him, the staff and other children.
The other children have no consistency as every few weeks there is a new face before he disappears off again, the staff likely need to give him a disproportionate amount of attention on the days he is in as he isn’t used to nursery and this is to the detriment of all the other kids in the group.

RealBecca · 09/09/2022 09:49

The difference between children doing 2 days a week is that they do the same 2 days and have routine on the other days.

Northe · 09/09/2022 10:00

I think this is normal! Your son is 2.5 years old and in nursery. You don't want to give up the space and want him to stay in the habit of going there. You are on maternity leave so don't need the childcare so are sending him in as and when it suits you. I did completely the same thing with my son during my maternity leave for his brother and he is just fine at age 7 going to school for all the standard hours. Time with these little ones is so precious but also, nursery spaces are not always easy to come by!

prescribingmum · 09/09/2022 10:00

My first overriding thought would be that you must have money to burn to be able to pay for a full time place and take him out for weeks at a time to go away in addition to multiple days each week and also not use the full hours on the days you do end up sending him.

My children used childcare for selected days each week and had periods where it was part time childminder, nursery, grandparents and me BUT the days and times were consistent and they knew what was coming each week. They attended childcare the same times and did consistent activities with grandparents. By attending in such a haphazard way, he won't know what to expect from one week to the next.

Once they get to preschool, there will be a set routine to prepare them for school. Arriving at inconsistent times disrupts them and other children and also results in them missing out. DS's nursery is similar - they don't mind when they arrive in the younger rooms but request arrival by the time they stop serving breakfast for preschool room for circle time.

Original poster
slippe · 09/09/2022 10:07

prescribingmum · 09/09/2022 10:00

My first overriding thought would be that you must have money to burn to be able to pay for a full time place and take him out for weeks at a time to go away in addition to multiple days each week and also not use the full hours on the days you do end up sending him.

My children used childcare for selected days each week and had periods where it was part time childminder, nursery, grandparents and me BUT the days and times were consistent and they knew what was coming each week. They attended childcare the same times and did consistent activities with grandparents. By attending in such a haphazard way, he won't know what to expect from one week to the next.

Once they get to preschool, there will be a set routine to prepare them for school. Arriving at inconsistent times disrupts them and other children and also results in them missing out. DS's nursery is similar - they don't mind when they arrive in the younger rooms but request arrival by the time they stop serving breakfast for preschool room for circle time.

Yes and like I said, now it's preschool we will adapt to that. They really didn't mind in nursery if he came in at 10. Later than 10 wasn't ideal. But they actually also didn't mind that. I never sent him after 10, but when I asked when should they come in, they said between 9 and 10 is fine.

OP posts:
Johnnysgirl · 09/09/2022 10:19

slippe · 09/09/2022 10:07

Yes and like I said, now it's preschool we will adapt to that. They really didn't mind in nursery if he came in at 10. Later than 10 wasn't ideal. But they actually also didn't mind that. I never sent him after 10, but when I asked when should they come in, they said between 9 and 10 is fine.

Show quote history

I'm surprised at that, really. It sounds quite chaotic.

Original poster
slippe · 09/09/2022 10:19

Northe · 09/09/2022 10:00

I think this is normal! Your son is 2.5 years old and in nursery. You don't want to give up the space and want him to stay in the habit of going there. You are on maternity leave so don't need the childcare so are sending him in as and when it suits you. I did completely the same thing with my son during my maternity leave for his brother and he is just fine at age 7 going to school for all the standard hours. Time with these little ones is so precious but also, nursery spaces are not always easy to come by!

Yeah and the nursery actually never complained about his attendance either. So I thought other parents might do similar things.

I have a good relationship with everyone and I always explain why he's not in ( even when it's the worries about catching an illness and having a tiny Baby at home ). They've been really encouraging and lovely. I can't fault them really. They say they love having my DS around and encourage me to send him as much as I can. With preschool they mentioned it's better to be more consistent and I do agree and I am doing that.

He is doing settling sessions at the moment, so has not officially started yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
slippe · 09/09/2022 10:21

@Johnnysgirl they're quite chilled I think. When he started they said I can bring him whenever i like and pick him up whenever i like. I asked them when do most parents bring them and they said between 9 and 10...

OP posts:
prescribingmum · 09/09/2022 10:23

DS's was the same before preschool. They didn't mind when children arrived as parents worked shifts etc so they just worked around it.

Don't get me wrong, missing some time is not a bad thing but just need to get a balance - we took DD out one day each fortnight in preschool year to enjoy days out in term time while attractions were quieter and we also take them on holidays but they generally know their routine and attend consistently

Hugasauras · 09/09/2022 11:51

asked them when do most parents bring them and they said between 9 and 10...

Don't their parents have jobs? Confused

Original poster
slippe · 09/09/2022 11:56

Hugasauras · 09/09/2022 11:51

asked them when do most parents bring them and they said between 9 and 10...

Don't their parents have jobs? Confused

Im sure they do.

Even before maternity leave I would drop him between 9 and 10, I work from home most days. I just organised my schedule so I could drop him off between 9-10.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/09/2022 12:03

Nursery is a bit different as it’s just a childcare service you’re paying for. It’s not his education and it’s not funded by anyone else.

At pre school the factors are a bit different- they’re going to be an established class, learning together. It’ll be better for your ds to have good attendance in that situation.

Original poster
slippe · 09/09/2022 12:06

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/09/2022 12:03

Nursery is a bit different as it’s just a childcare service you’re paying for. It’s not his education and it’s not funded by anyone else.

At pre school the factors are a bit different- they’re going to be an established class, learning together. It’ll be better for your ds to have good attendance in that situation.

absolutely !

OP posts:
namechangetheworld · 09/09/2022 12:09

I used to do this all the time with DD1 although to be fair, it was pre-school free hours, she only went three half days a week and I was athome anyway. I can probably count òn one hand the times she did the three full days in a week. Sometimes she didn't wake up in time, sometimes she was feeling under the weather, sometimes we were trying to avoid Illness, sometimes she asked to stay at home for the day. She absolutely loved going to pre-school, but equally loved being at home with her baby sister. No ill effects by the way - she is now in Year 3 and has a near-perfect attendance record!

weevil5 · 09/09/2022 12:15

Presume he's only 3? You can send him in as much or as little as you want and I wouldn't worry about it at all. Potty training, holidays, sickness all sound like valid reasons why kids wouldn't come in.

Original poster
slippe · 09/09/2022 12:18

weevil5 · 09/09/2022 12:15

Presume he's only 3? You can send him in as much or as little as you want and I wouldn't worry about it at all. Potty training, holidays, sickness all sound like valid reasons why kids wouldn't come in.

Two and a half.

OP posts:
weevil5 · 09/09/2022 12:20

Even more fine then. Pre schools linked to schools seem to insist more on attendance (somewhat understandable), but sounds crazy for a nursery- do what you want!

Original poster
slippe · 09/09/2022 12:21

weevil5 · 09/09/2022 12:20

Even more fine then. Pre schools linked to schools seem to insist more on attendance (somewhat understandable), but sounds crazy for a nursery- do what you want!

They haven't said anything. They just mentioned when he moves to preschool it would be better to have better attendance. He is in the process of moving at the moment.

OP posts:
weevil5 · 09/09/2022 12:22

Is the pre school just the older kids room in the nursery? I think they sound Confused

Daisy95 · 09/09/2022 12:26

weevil5 · 09/09/2022 12:20

Even more fine then. Pre schools linked to schools seem to insist more on attendance (somewhat understandable), but sounds crazy for a nursery- do what you want!

Just to say my nursery would have asked us to either leave or improve attendance, they have a policy on attendance and a massive waiting list. It seems like you've literally got money to burn paying 5 days nursery whilst on mat leave and not even use it. What a luxury. My little girl goes 3 days a week and she does know her routine so probably be best to get a little routine going.

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