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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family won't respect our no screen policy foe DS

343 replies

MoMuM7 · 08/09/2022 07:19

I have a no screen policy for DS (1 yo). Everyone who watches him ie family, childcare knows this. I've recently discovered that my sister has been letting him watch TV for HOURS when he goes over to hers. She loves him to bits but why won't she abide by my rules? Is it really that hard to entertain a child? BTW she's single, lives alone and as far as I can tell has no other responsibilities/distractions that would cause her to plonk DD infront of the telly.
I have now decided she can only see him when I'm around. She's very upset. Family thinks im over reacting. AIBU?

OP posts:
alwaysdarkestbeforedawn · 08/09/2022 10:28

@MoMuM7This has been brought up a few times now but I don’t think you’ve addressed it. Do you honestly think your one year old has the attention span to happily sit still and watch TV for hours? I don’t know any one year olds that would do this! I find it hard (impossible) to believe the two of them just watch TV and nothing else for hours. Do you mean the TV is on in the background? Although I’ve never set rules around screen time, I didn’t watch TV with mine at that age simply because it didn’t occur to me to do so. My youngest was exposed to it by default because the older sibling watched it but he would maybe look at the screen for a minute or two before getting distracted by something else. It’s very very unlikely that they do nothing else the whole time he is at her house. Can you clarify?

mountainsunsets · 08/09/2022 10:28

MoMuM7 · 08/09/2022 10:21

@Pipsquiggle Whenever DS visits he comes back very hyper, not wanting to go to sleep. I didnt put two and two together until sis told me what they get up to on their visits. Sis earns alot more money than I do so she can afford a cuppa on her own dime.

He's not hyper because he's watching TV, though, he's hyper because he's not getting out for any fresh air or exercise.

But that said, if you disagree with how she cares for him and you don't need the childcare, why are you sending him there for "hours" to begin with?

TheLoupGarou · 08/09/2022 10:30

Can you just get her to have him for a shorter period of time then? Take him to the park on the way home to tire him out.

CatsandFish · 08/09/2022 10:30

gatehouseoffleet · 08/09/2022 10:26

if I was babysitting a child whose parents had a no-screentime policy I would abide by that. If you were clear with your sister that you didn't want your baby having any screentime and she deliberately ignored that then you are totally reasonable to be upset

but other decisions by parents are much easier to comply with. If you told me no sweets, no chocolate and no fizzy drinks I'd abide by that. I would abide by nap times. But I would not be told how to spend hours entertaining a one year old. If you want to micro-manage to that extent I would say no to having the child for more than an hour or so at a time.

If the decisions OP makes aren't easy to comply with, the sister should say no to it then, shouldn't she? Sweets, chocolate, fizzy drinks, it's all parental boundaries and no different from no screen time. Saying no screen time is not the same as 'micro-managing', you're being hyperbolic there. How hard can it really be, to just.... not put the tv on?

If sister can't cope, she should say so!

katepilar · 08/09/2022 10:30

gatehouseoffleet · 08/09/2022 08:36

The television won't do any harm to the child but the OP has asked that there is no television when others are looking after the child. How difficult would it be to follow that request for a few hours

It isn't about boundaries.

It's much easier to adhere to a no sweets rule when looking after someone else's baby than it is to adhere to no screens for hours. It's not easy to entertain a small child. I can't really see the issue with a bit of Cbeebies.

And as for screens being damaging, eg eyes, I've always had jobs where I've done lots of reading and use of screens and at 50 am only just really needing reading glasses - ie exactly the same sort of age as my mother who grew up with no screens at all. I'd be concerned about content, but presumably the OP's sister isn't letting the baby watch reruns of Taggart!

Its mainly about brain development, not just about eyes.

I do find it shocking how many people on here get triggered enough to to be agressive and by no screen parenting style.

Original poster
MoMuM7 · 08/09/2022 10:31

@SleeplessInEngland Still here...really don't think there's anything cowardly about wanting my sister to treat her nephew in way that won't mess up his bedtime. And no I dont pay her. I already have child care. She choices to look after DS

OP posts:
NiceCupOfTea2 · 08/09/2022 10:32

You have a "policy" 🤣🤣 oh dear. You do realise when they go to nursery they have giant screens on the wall they watch as a class? I mean it's lovely you have your policy but I'm not sure what you think will happen if your child watches a screen? My parents look after my 16 month old, if they want to watch the TV find by me, ceebeebies have lots of great programs that are also educational.

I guarantee you will look back and laugh about this, you sound barking mad to be honest.

CatsandFish · 08/09/2022 10:32

mountainsunsets · 08/09/2022 10:28

He's not hyper because he's watching TV, though, he's hyper because he's not getting out for any fresh air or exercise.

But that said, if you disagree with how she cares for him and you don't need the childcare, why are you sending him there for "hours" to begin with?

Show quote history

@mountainsunsets why are you sending him there for "hours" to begin with?

Please read ALL of the OP's replies, including the first post. The MINUTE OP found out, she stopped sending him. So she did just that. Now, the sister and her family are having a strop.

Original poster
MoMuM7 · 08/09/2022 10:32

@alwaysdarkestbeforedawn They basically spend their quality time in her flat watching Cocomelon. That's what sis said. Must be something about the songs..

OP posts:
Anotherdopeytaxpayer · 08/09/2022 10:33

Your child, your rules OP.

If your sister can't cope without using the TV as a 'babysitter' then maybe you need to rethink these visits?

I know a few mums who have no TV at all.

TheLoupGarou · 08/09/2022 10:34

Your sister has a higher threshold of tolerance for Cocomelon than me that's for sure. I can do 1.5 episodes before losing the will to live

CatsandFish · 08/09/2022 10:35

katepilar · 08/09/2022 10:30

Its mainly about brain development, not just about eyes.

I do find it shocking how many people on here get triggered enough to to be agressive and by no screen parenting style.

Show quote history

They're having feelings of guilt so are lashing out at the OP. Vipers at their worst. The fact that some are 'that's different' when it comes to no chocolate or sweets etc shows their hypocrisy. Boundaries are boundaries. That's it. No matter what it is.

Beees · 08/09/2022 10:35

MoMuM7 · 08/09/2022 10:32

@alwaysdarkestbeforedawn They basically spend their quality time in her flat watching Cocomelon. That's what sis said. Must be something about the songs..

Even cocomelon wouldn't keep a 1 year olds attention for hour at a time. I've genuinely never heard of a child who would sit for that long totally fixed on anything including TV.

I'm still curious why he was there for so long so frequently when it wasn't for childcare. Isn't it more normal to see people with your child at that age especially if you work and don't see him for some of the week?

Calphurnia88 · 08/09/2022 10:37

The mistake you made is posting this in AIBU. Should've posted in parenting.

Original poster
MoMuM7 · 08/09/2022 10:37

@AnotherForumUser
Didn't mean that as a snide comment. Sis regularly says she has time for DS because she single. I meant to convey (did a terrible job obv) that sis sets time aside for them. What is perplexing to me is why spend it in front of the TV when she knows I don't do scren time because DS is quite sensitive and will get overstimulated easily. We are not experiencing serious sleep regression as a result.

OP posts:
alwaysdarkestbeforedawn · 08/09/2022 10:38

MoMuM7 · 08/09/2022 10:32

@alwaysdarkestbeforedawn They basically spend their quality time in her flat watching Cocomelon. That's what sis said. Must be something about the songs..

I still can’t imagine that’s all they do and your son being happy with that. But regardless, if you don’t want him exposed to screens at such a young age then she should respect that. Maybe instead of a blanket ban on her looking after him you could suggests some activities you would be happy with. Ask her to take him to the park or even to a baby class? Would she be up for that do you think?

bodie1890 · 08/09/2022 10:39

MoMuM7 · 08/09/2022 10:21

@Pipsquiggle Whenever DS visits he comes back very hyper, not wanting to go to sleep. I didnt put two and two together until sis told me what they get up to on their visits. Sis earns alot more money than I do so she can afford a cuppa on her own dime.

OK, but how do you actually know it's the screen that is causing this?

Screens are so demonised and you sound quite paranoid about it. You've 'put two and two together' and possibly come up with five. It is highly unlikely that a few hours of TV is going to make a 1 year old hyper.

It could be anything else about being at your sister's house that causes it. Being out of his normal routine, being away from home, what he's eating, etc etc.

You are making a massive assumption that the TV is the cause, have you considered that it's something else?

Greydogs123 · 08/09/2022 10:39

It’s your child and you can set screen limits if you wish. If your sister won’t respect that then it’s absolutely fine to limit the time she is able to spend with him.
i would not be happy if that’s all she was doing either. If she only has him for an hour or so, then less of an issue. Why not let her spend time with him, but limit the amount of time. Also, do you send any toys with him?

antelopevalley · 08/09/2022 10:39

What I suspect you mean is that she is one of those people who have the TV on constantly on the background. No one-year-old is watching TV for hours.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 08/09/2022 10:40

I think you're being ridiculous personally. I also think you're imagining she's sitting next to him while they watch the tv - she won't be, she'll be singing the songs with him and bouncing him about, it'll be background noise for a lot of the time.

antelopevalley · 08/09/2022 10:41

He is probably hyper because he is excited.
My nephew who I used to look after before I had kids went back to my sisters hyper as well. I never had the TV on. I did used to play games with him that made him a bit hyper.

Pipsquiggle · 08/09/2022 10:41

MoMuM7 · 08/09/2022 10:15

@7Worfs I had no idea what I was getting myself into 😅 the irony is that I work in children's TV. Bet that comment won't make me any new friends

Please don't tell me you worked on 'Topsy & Tim'? 😂

Literally the worst TV show for children (and their parents). There are a few other kids TV shows but that one was just awful

Original poster
MoMuM7 · 08/09/2022 10:42

@Calphurnia88 yep. Rookie mistake😫

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 08/09/2022 10:42

katepilar · 08/09/2022 10:17

No screens for a 1yo doesnt necessarily mean no screen for a school aged child. Unless you go ie. the Waldorf way where they have no screens until well into teenage years.

Show quote history

The Waldorf way allows no screens until into their teens????? No-one told their pupils this though from my experience!

Original poster
MoMuM7 · 08/09/2022 10:43

@Pipsquiggle I don't want to out myself...maybe. And yes it's awful..😐

OP posts:
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