Family won't respect our no screen policy foe DS

[MoMuM7]

I have a no screen policy for DS (1 yo). Everyone who watches him ie family, childcare knows this. I've recently discovered that my sister has been letting him watch TV for HOURS when he goes over to hers. She loves him to bits but why won't she abide by my rules? Is it really that hard to entertain a child? BTW she's single, lives alone and as far as I can tell has no other responsibilities/distractions that would cause her to plonk DD infront of the telly.
I have now decided she can only see him when I'm around. She's very upset. Family thinks im over reacting. AIBU?

This.

A 1 year old is likely to pay attention to something for up to 1 minute until they move onto something else (children have an attention span of approx their age in minutes, until they are around 4/5).

He's not watching the TV for hours.

He's probably hyper because he's UNstimulated if anything.

I am also astonished that so few people take the research behind the no screens under 2 rule seriously.

I am also astounded that so many people take 'research' seriously, it's often the case that the outcome is decided and the 'research' is created to validate the prior decided outcome.

@KermitlovesKeyLimePie Mum of 2 here 😀

The buzz word of the 21st century, use it and it apparently makes you so superior to others.

We aren't all anti-science. There's plenty of solid, peer-reviewed research on this matter. Screen time affects actual brain development.

That sounds like a conspiracy theory to defend your own opinion, like someone would say about vaccines or any type of scientific research. Oh, we can't trust any scientists. We can't trust any research on anything. We need to trust some forms of research by the experts. After all, it's that same 'research' that has given us car seatbelts, child's seats, food standards etc. Maybe they were all pre-decided, too?

Ultimately if you aren't happy with how this friends looks after your kid you have to stop sending him round.

What else can you do? Personally I think a 1 year old having contact with other adults and developing relationships outside their immediate family is way more important than imposing blanket no screen bans, but there you go.

If it is Cocomelon and they are singing then that's brilliant. Singing is incredibly good for children's brain development, partly because of the breathing patterns it generates which help train the brain.

*helps

I think that you should break off from your sister and you should never see her again if she can't obey your every whim.

I don't understand how watching TV 'for hours' is making him mess up his bedtimes. In my experieince the only thing that messed by my 1 year olds bedtimes was they had too long an afternoon nap or slept too late in the day.

And I have 5 DC and none of them at that age has beern able to sit and watch tv for hours. maybe half hour max, then they are bore with it.

And you seem to be basing this on the one time you turned up and the TV was on. And she said they watch it for hours. Have you actuallky asked her what she means by this? as in he gets there, and then sits quietly in front of the TV all day? It seems highly highly unlikely.

I get you don't want him watching TV, but a little bit now and then won't hurt him at all, and especially as she is watching him all day for free. It is hardly relaxing looking after a 1 year old all day. Some stuff for little ones is actually quite educational/entertaining for them. As long as she isn't plonking him in front of eastenders or stuff like that, If that is the case then you have a massive point, but kids TV with songs and stuff, a bit of that is fine

I find it odd that you're ignoring any of those pointing out that he won't be watching the TV for hours and hourhes as he doesn't have the attention span for it. Also you've totally ignored althe posters stating his hyper behaviour and disrupted sleep are more likely due to him being inside all day.

It seems like you're cherry picking who to respond to and ignoring 99% of the posts.

@MoMuM7 My bad! 😁I guess I am probably projecting as I am full time carer to our 17 yr old DS who has SLD as well as many other challenges and would literally KILL for my Dsis or anyone for that matter to have him for a couple of hours, screen time or no!

Cocomelon is fucking awful for kids.

Go in with a compromise ask her to stick to things like tiktak or babyclub on CBeebies

I don't think you're being that unreasonable. I expect most of the 'YABVU' comments are people who are now feeling a little bit defensive about their children's screen times and so lashing out at how unreasonable you are. There is much evidence to show the detrimental affects screen time has on young children. Don't take the negative comments to heart.

This! You are being controlling.

I loathe cocomelon. I managed to keep my dd away from it whilst she was a baby but her bloody nursery started putting it on a bit I think and she started constantly asking for it on at about age 3.5 (they were actually otherwise a very good nursery) It became quite addictive for her. It's systematically designed to be addictive and encourage low attention span which is pretty awful for a rapidly developing brain.

I have never had a no screens rule for my dd but we are fairly restrictive with it and she still is only allowed a tablet in the car for long journeys at age 4.5. We also hardly have our own TV on whilst caring for my dd even now choosing to talk or read to her instead. I don't think you're overreacting OP. Don't let anyone make you feel like you're overreacting by taking the current warnings and health pandemics seriously. If your sister wants to care for your child then she wants to actually care for her and interact not just put her in front of a TV. I do agree with pp though that your baby's hyperness is probably more lack of exercise and stimulation than the TV itself. I don't think you're unreasonable to not leave your daughter with your sister alone if she isn't caring for her in the way you'd like. She isn't entitled to that level of contact. If she wants to be upset about it then she will just have to be upset. It doesn't have to terminate the relationship unless she chooses for it to x

I was like this when pregnant/baby was newborn.

Now I understand why my friends with kids just smiled and nodded when I said my son wouldn't have screentime or play computer games. Oh how I laugh, now!!

You're in for a bit of a shock when your child gets to nursery/school, OP.

If you want them to feel left out then you crack on with this millitant attitude. All other kids they come into contact with will be talking about Thomas, Peppa etc. Later on it will be minecraft or some other utter rubbish. I held out as long as I could but my son was so left out we had to relent.

And you know what? Number blocks and In the Night Garden are great for kids. As is Horrible Histories and, yes, even Mibecraft. Letting your child have SOME controlled screentime does not result in their head falling off. It's not like watching a movie or a few kids shows with their auntie is going to lead to your child demanding phones or tablets for constant entertainment!!

You're the adult so you're in control of it but I do think you're being awfully precious.

I think the issue is that parents who are so strict about what family members can do with their child, will damage family relationships and will find people drift away.
It really is not worth it. Things like this that seem a big issue at the time really are not.

Haha it all changes with the second.

My first thought! 😀I give them another 6 months and that rule will be scrapped 😂 Along with all the other worries we put on ourselves as first time parents and then realise it really didnt matter at all.

Screens are a part of life. If you continue this, you're setting up your kid to have no practical experience with huge parts of modern life.

Screens are everywhere and are used everyday by millions upon millions.
Educational TV and YouTube content is incredibly useful and helped thousands during lockdown.

YABVVVVU and ridiculous.

The brain is developing so rapidly though up to age 3 that a lot of your social and language development is already established by this point and relies heavily on good quality joint attention and interactions with caregivers. There's sooooo much evidence about this. I would turn a blind eye to people putting on a bit of TV for my child (I do so myself) but no way would I allow someone to regularly care for a 1 year old who wasn't interacting with them positively. This is totally different and exponantially more damaging than the odd Peppa Pig marathon or playing Minecraft with their mates when they're older

@StaunchMomma My daughter doesn’t watch much TV these days because she’s not interested in it. She has gone through phases of watching various programmes but I’ve never once heard her have a conversation with friends about them. Break times at school are all about running around playing games, not chatting about TV. And nursery? My son’s friend loves Toy Story, my son isn’t bothered about it. It doesn’t impair their friendship. Kids live in the moment. They don’t sit around discussing the finer points of Thomas the Tank Engine! Not allowing your child to watch Cocomelon at the age of one will have no effect at all on future friendships!!