To take DD to A&E?

[Flyinghighinthestars]

Just to show her nothing is wrong? DD is 16 and has autism and adhd. She came back from college today and said one of her ‘friends’ told her to use a vape that they saw on the pavement as they we’re walking home, DD picked it up and used it and then told me when she got home. Apparently it had no vape left in it so didn’t work properly but DD tried it around 5-6 times as her friends we’re telling her to. Anyway now she’s home she’s overthinking (she does this because of her autism) and really worrying saying ‘what if it had dirt or soil on/in it from being on the floor and I accidentally breathed it in’ ‘what it vaping it (the battery was still working apparently) with nothing in has done me harm’ and so on. She’s saying her “voice sounds different” (it sounds the same to me) and saying her throat feels like it’s burning and her chest feels “weird” (DD can’t explain why it feels weird) and “hurts a little”. Me and DH have reassured her nothing is wrong but she’s overthinking still and having a full on autistic meltdown right now. Should I just take her to A&E and get her checked out just to show her she is fine? DD has never used a vape before this incident

It does sound as if you trigger off each other’s anxiety. Have YOU had any counselling?

just leave her to it as you would a toddler.

Not a&e but maybe phone 111 or speak to your local pharmacist. Explain the situation and I’m sure they can reassure her.

speaking face to face with pharmacists is brilliant and great for things like this. My DD is the same (asd and anxiety)

Autistic adult here, who was prone to catastrophising meltdowns as a teenager (and, to be honest, still can very occasionally in my early 40s).

I will give you some advice based on how my mother used to handle me as a teen: leave your daughter alone. Don't speak to her, don't touch her, don't approach her. Sit quietly in the same room or within hearing distance, and do something calm, like reading or having a cup of tea or knitting or something.

Make sure she can't injure herself, but otherwise, leave her to it - she WILL calm down.

I guarantee this is less about the vape and more of a 'stress volcano' following her day at college. She may be too tired / emotionally wrung out to go in tomorrow, so I'd anticipate that.

Also, with respect, you sound very anxious and I'd worry that you've fed into this upset a little bit - you might want to think about developing some coping mechanisms for the future.

So what is it with her friends who forced her to smoke the vape which was lying on the floor??? Surely that's a problem that needs to be addressed to school?

I hope your daughter is calming down a bit, but how is she otherwise with her friends?

I feel for you as I have a child who I suspect has asd and adhd.

My friend got knocked off her bike yesterday at 5pm and went to A&E, she left at 2am!

I have 2 autistic teens and I wouldn't bother A&E with this.

I hope she’s calming down now op?

A&E is for serious things- Puffing on a vape is neither an accident or an emergency.
It would be a terrible waste of resources.
As PP have said, A&E is stretched to breaking point, and sucking on someone else’s discarded vape is neither an A or an E.

Leaving her to it is by far the best option after that much time. You know she's safe.

I hope you get some sleep

Ex A&E nurse. She has not done herself any lasting damage. Her throat may have been slightly sore due to dry inhaling the heated air from the vape but this will not last (and in fact any sensation she feels now- chest pain included- is likely due to anxiety/ adrenaline). There is no physical damage. You can tell her I said that.

Clinicians are leaving because it’s so pressured in A&E, people are waiting hours with real tangible possibly life threatening conditions, it’s not a service for anxiety or to add to parenting!
If you have to be up all night with her to comfort her, then so be it. Talk to her about what she might say in future to avoid these situations. Use logic to calm her anxiety. It’s not good to teach her that anxiety means going to A&E.

I personally would've called 111 with her in the room OP. I have some neurodiversity and for me if someone says something reassuring, they might have to say it repeatedly/answer my questions seeking reassurance, but then it gets through to me.

@Flyinghighinthestars it sounds like in that case she's burnt the coil - basically if there's no liquid in there and you vape it it burns and tastes really horrible. I promise it will not hurt her. I've done this many times when I have realised it was empty 🤦🏻‍♀️ Her coughing and her tight chest will be anxiety, I suffer with anxiety quite badly and it can feel as though you're (not to sound dramatic) "dying" - fast heart, sweating, coughing, tight chest and shoulders it isn't pleasant at all but linking that to the vape for her, will feel like it's all because of the vape when it's not.

I'm hoping she's calmed down a little. A good distraction I find when I'm anxious or in a bit of a state with it is grounding. 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste.
Also another good one is laying on the bed and scrunching your toes for 3 seconds, calves for 3...all the way to the top of your head but the rule is you have to think about the scrunching only - if you think about what was worrying you you have to go back to the beginning.

Sending a big hug and a hand hold x

I really hope your dd has calmed down op and that you’re both ok. I also hope you’ve had your wine!

I don’t mean to sound judgmental or unkind, but do you not have any strategies to deal with meltdowns? I know you said it’s a long time since she’s had one like this. My son is autistic and we have found that physical pressure is really comforting to him when he’s in the full throws of a meltdown, so a powerful shower or his weighted blanket, or asking him if he’d like a hug usually helps quite a lot. Obviously every autistic person is different!

Mum was in A&E 16 hours after a suspected heart attack.

i am so relieved you have rejected that idea.

No, that would abuse of the service.

I would gently withdraw attention until she has calmed herself- this is an important skill for her to develop.

Tomorrow I would be very direct about
Doing stupid stuff your friends suggested
and
Not using anything some stranger has had in their mouth. Would she eat a sweet she saw on the ground or drink from someone else’s bottle?
Hygiene and common sense.

DD had her first ever asthma attack after trying a vape, so keep an eye on your DD, but if the vape was empty I doubt there's any risk. No judging here, my DD is under Camhs for anxiety and possible ADHD, I know the point at which you can't talk them down and you just have to let things run their course. DD generally comes to a more sensible conclusion after she's burnt off the anxiety.

Have you been quizzing her about the battery etc as you seem to have a lot of questions? You sound very anxious and like that has rubbed off on her and caused a meltdown. Of course you don’t die / get harmed from using a vape once or it simply wouldn’t be legal

Mine is younger but when he goes full blown he bites on something I throw his biting cloth at him and put a blanket over his head he ends up rocking and biting in the dark under the blanket

Jesus Christ, no wonder A&E waiting times are so insane. Please get a grip, OP.

This.

Just ridiculous.

The chest discomfort could be her anxiety but also.. if that was her first time smoking/vaping,
yes she is going to feel abit weird..
I mean shes not actually wrong, she most likely did inhale dirt, someone elses saliva and dust if it was lying on the floor,
not to mention it could have been one of those weed cartridges or something, thats why she shouldnt be picking up things and putting it in her mouth! yuck
Shell most likely be fine, dont take her to a&e because i would be telling her off for doing this though, especially with covid and monkeypox about and countless other diseases

And she Needs new friends!

Your daughter needs some new friends.

Is that really necessary? OP asked here because she was at her wits end and she didn’t go.

And I say this after my dad had a cardiac event last week, was blue-lighted to A&E at 11pm and left sitting on a plastic chair for 13 hours because there were no beds. It was so busy my mum had to spend most of the night waiting for him in the car.

Show a bit of empathy and at least add something constructive!

How is she today, OP?