I have come home from work…

[Itsokay2020]

To find that my ‘D’P has hacked away at two shrubs in our garden and it looks awful, beyond awful.

I do the majority of gardening and five years ago our new build garden was a completely blank canvas apart from a lawn and patio area. Since then I have planted trees, shrubs, plants and created a garden space that I am proud of, and a space we are complimented on. My phone camera roll is full of photos of the garden evolving over the past five years.

Today I receive a text to say that ‘D’P has hoovered, done some ironing and done some pruning, followed by a 😁 emoji.

He’s actually hacked away at two shrubs, which would have provided berries and shelter for the birds in winter, and reduced their size by a least 50%. They used to cover the plain wall of our carport, provided screening and allowed some privacy from our neighbours (and vice versa). No discussion took place, nothing.

AIBU to be so angry, to feel as upset as I do? Of course, they’ll hopefully grow back next spring. But they didn’t need to be reduced in size, I maintained them well and they looked really good! Now they are ugly, shapeless, and I simply don’t understand what possessed him!

AIBU? Any advice?

It doesn't matter if it looks better before or after. What matters is that he decided, without discussion, to take on her job, her hobby, her delight.

He would have been really pissed if (for sake of argument) she had painted his bike without discussion, even if she painted hers too. Its not the end of the world, he could always repaint it...but its his hobby, his delight. Discussion is important.

I hope he gives ddog extra treats.

@Pixiedust1234 you get it, thank you!

I think it looks nicer now your husband has tidied them up. But then I hate gardening and don't know what I'm on about. And I am the person who borrowed a chain saw and totally removed all the bushes in our garden because they were annoying me.

Sorry OP, another vote for DH. I think the shrubs look much nicer, and they will grow better next season.

Also, although you might do most of the gardening work, surely it is DH's garden as much as it is yours.

Some plants flower on the previous year's growth, so unless he knew what he was doing YANBU

I much prefer a garden where the plants have branches long enough to bounce in the breeze rather than stiff, pruned to an inch of their life lollipop trees and sharp edges shrubs. Though, in the right garden they can look good. I would be so cross with my dh if he did what's yours did. Mine doesn't garden, he's the landscaper and does the groundwork's, I then plant up to make look nice.
I hope your plants come back bigger and better next year. I'm sure they will.

Thank you @Itsokay2020
I did try and be philosophical, but it was hard. Problem was a he had already half killed it previously and b he didn’t even know what it was!
That’s what finished me off.

And @Pixiedust1234 is exactly right. He never goes into the garden except to moan about the moles.
II’m team mole.

Yes! Neatness has an extremely limited place in a garden!

I have a DH like this...never happier than when chopping things down...he's lucky I haven't chopped his head off for some of the decisions he's taken in the garden!!

He's now banned from the garden entirely.

This is not a problem, say thanks. I cannot believe anyone getting worked up about this.

My husband does this. It’s the only time I hate him with a venom.

No, don't say thanks or he'll do it again!

Much prefer your work. He got carried away. Perhaps a deep breath and just explain your issue and ask not to do it again.

Each to their own. Some people just hate anything that grows. I've had 2 neighbours like that, both men. I heard one say to his wife, "Look, the honeysuckle's flowering!" & I thought he'd started to appreciate plants. No, next thing I knew he was out there ripping all the honeysuckle off his fence. Obviously the flowers frightened or offended him AND THEY HAD TO GO.

The other one took out as many plants as he could & replaced them with... plastic decorations. Yeeees. That's taking garden-hatred a bit far.

The one on the left is still in flower. Definitely not the right time to be cutting it back - that should have waited until late winter/early spring. And the one on the right (can’t make out what is is) looks as if it has berries, which would have provided winter interest in the garden. A lot of shrubs absolutely need pruning to keep them healthy and shapely, but that doesn’t mean hacking them into a uniform shape whenever you fancy. They need to be treated individually as they all have different pruning needs. I’m with you OP

I actually like how your husband has done it. Sorry op but I was expecting to see a twig or something left. Go have a large glass of vino & seriously chill out 😂

I feel for you as I had an H like this. It will grow back!

@Itsokay2020 I've not RTFT but just thought I'd post in solidarity. My husband did some 'weeding' a few years ago and destroyed all the special seedlings I'd been carefully nurturing for weeks and was growing on in a nursery bed 😭.

He is now banned from gardening unless we've walked round together and I've shown him what he can & can't touch (he's allowed to mow the lawn whenever he wants!). YADNBU and maybe LTB! (joking - ish). Here's my garden right now. So happy with how it's grown this year so totally sympathise (hugs)

I'm with you op. Love that rather wild look, don't like shrubs etc to be too trimmed and neat.

I’m with you, OP.

shrubs grow back. I wouldn't let it bother me

On another note, why do men always have to tell you they've done the hoovering or laundry?

Do you text him every time you do something useful?

I am really sorry that you are upset, I'm certain that's not what he intended - unless he really hates you, which I think you would have detected by now. His grin emoji makes me thunk that he genuinely though he was being helpful, and I'd guess that he's feeling pretty rotten himself now. FWIW I tend to agree with other replies that it looks nicer, although you seem to prefer the more random look - each to their own. I think that you need to sit down with him and explain how your tastes differ and that from now on, the pruning job belongs to you - break it as tactfully as you can. If I'm not mistaken, it will soon recover its random glory come early Spring next year. In the meantime, why not be creative and thunk of stop-gap solutions that will address the "bare wall" issue in some quick and easy way? Maybe hanging baskets or trellis? I'm sorry this isn't what you want to hear but remind yourself that he thought he was doing the right thing! In all fairness, I'd have done exactly the same thing...

Heaven alone knows why Mumsnet turned all my thinks into thunks? magic I guess?